It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
(Martina McBride)
Have you ever cared so deeply for someone that it hurt? Have you ever poured your heart out to God, begging on behalf of someone else that He would step in and provide a way? Even if that person rejects your offers of prayer or help, or turns their back on you, or completely ignores you or acts as if you don't exist - you still lift them up day after day, week after week, tear after tear falling for them?
Compassion.
Definition:
Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.
Is there such a thing as TOO MUCH compassion? Is it possible to be TOO compassionate?
What does the Bible say about compassion?
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
Romans 12:15
"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."
1 Peter 3:8
"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."
Hebrews 13:3
"Therefore I said, "Turn away from me;
let me weep bitterly.
Do not try to console me
over the destruction of my people.""
Isaiah 22:4
"Oh, that my head were a spring of water
and my eyes a fountain of tears!
I would weep day and night
for the slain of my people."
Jeremiah 9:1
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2
"So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."
1 Corinthians 12:25-26
"When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven."
Nehemiah 1:4
"Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth
and humbled myself with fasting.
When my prayers returned to me unanswered,
I went about mourning
as though for my friend or brother.
I bowed my head in grief
as though weeping for my mother."
Psalms 35:13-14
Obviously compassion was felt by those from Genesis to Revelation, and is still felt by people worldwide today. Compassion is an emotion that God instilled in us. He commands us to love our neighbor as ourself. He wants us to feel the pain of others and share their burdens. When we act on our compassion and empathy, we are viewing people and situations through God's eyes. So if we open our hearts to the sufferings of those around us, despite the pain it causes in our own lives, we are becoming more like Christ. If we feel such compassion towards others, imagine how much more compassion Christ has towards us... so much so that He gave His LIFE! Yes, being compassionate can cause us grief and tears. Yes, compassion can be a painful emotion. We will never be able to show as much compassion toward our fellow man as Christ showed for us, so there is no such thing as too much compassion or being too compassionate.
Reach out to those in need around you. Show them that someone cares. Let your tears fall if they must. God is right there beside you ready to shoulder the burdens and help you to help your neighbor through their struggles.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Generation of Hopeless? Or Hope?
This morning I received two pieces of news less than 10 minutes apart of two different teen suicides. These two weren't the "type" of teen you probably assumed when I said "suicide." One was a very likeable girl, very active in her church, volunteered in the community, and served on several mission teams over the past few years. The other was a very popular standout varsity football player who had just been offered a football scholarship to a great school. Shortly after receiving this news, I happened to see a post on twitter from a Christian singer asking this:
How real is the problem of youth suicide? Here are the numbers:
Every year there are approximately 10 youth suicides for every 100,000 youth.
Every day there are approximately 11 youth suicides. Every 2 hours and 11 minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes suicide.
Why is our youth committing suicide at such a young age? It should be the most exciting time of their life.
Every year there are approximately 10 youth suicides for every 100,000 youth.
Every day there are approximately 11 youth suicides. Every 2 hours and 11 minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes suicide.
Why is our youth committing suicide at such a young age? It should be the most exciting time of their life.
The timing was interesting with the news I'd just received. Even more interesting was that I'd just finished a paper on the youth in extreme poverty here in the US. Adding to the above statistics:
In 2007, suicide was the 11th leading cause of death among all ages and demographics in the United States.
Among Native Americans and Alaska Natives between the ages of 15 and 34, suicide was the second leading cause of death.
Among Native American males, aged between 15 and 19, the numbers are even more grim. In a span of five years, 202 young men took their own lives, a rate of 34.6 per 100,000.
In comparison, the rate for males in the same age group was 13.7 for whites, 9.7 for Hispanics and 7.2 for African-Americans.
A U.S. survey found that almost one in five high school students had seriously considered attempting suicide, and more than one in six had already made plans to commit suicide.
Teen suicide in extreme poverty communities can be up to 150 times higher than the national average.
So what's going on? Why are we losing so many teens to suicide?
There are as many reasons for teen suicide as there are teens attempting it. Every teen has his own story. Every teen has his own reasons for contemplating or attempting to take his own life. As we saw today, popular, outgoing, good kids can take their own lives just as well as the troubled, delinquent, outcasts.
As a generation, today's teens are faced with shrinking support systems. Although teens can have thousands of friends on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, they may not have many real friends that they encounter face to face on a regular basis. Gone are the days of belonging to Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, GAs, RAs, Young Life and more being the cool thing to do. Memberships in clubs, organizations and even sports are now considered to be too restrictive on a teen's social time. There is a serious lack of belonging experienced among today's teens.
In addition, families have strayed from each other. In the past, extended families lived close enough to visit often, enjoy holidays together, and share in the day-to-day life experiences of each other. Today, a teen's closest relatives (other than those in his own household) may live hundreds or thousands of miles away, with limited interaction and even more scarce visitation. Grandmothers aren't there teaching the granddaughters to cook, sew or plant a garden. Grandfathers aren't there to take the grandsons hunting or fishing, or to teach them to work on a car. Aunts and Uncles are too busy - or are too far away - to spend time molding, shaping and mentoring their nieces and nephews.
Positive role models seem to be an endangered species today. Our sports heroes, actors, actresses, musicians and other celebrities are failing to provide good examples of responsible behaviors and attitudes. Even our church leaders are falling and failing at epidemic rates. Today's youth need people to look up to and admire. They need to see real life examples of what they can aspire to be.
In the case of one popular teenager who attempted to take her life, parents, teachers, coaches and others are expecting far too much from teens at far too young ages. This young lady said "I can never do anything good enough for my parents. I'm never good enough for my teachers. It's always a matter of 'you can do better' or 'try harder'. Maybe they are right, maybe I'll never be good enough. Maybe I will never accomplish anything. So why bother trying?" This young lady was a straight A student, excelled in softball and basketball, was an accomplished pianist and singer, and had won numerous beauty pageants. When people found out she had attempted suicide, they inadvertently added to the problem. Comments began to surface of "she had everything" and "she was perfect" so why would she try to kill herself? It may have seemed this girl had it all on the outside, but inside, she had nothing that she needed - parents who loved her unconditionally, teachers who supported and encouraged her with positive feedback, coaches who applauded her efforts and instilled a love of the sport, and friends who were her friends because she was herself, not because of what she had become. Our teenagers need to know they are loved no matter what. They need to be hugged, they need to see that people care, and they need to hear daily "I love you" from adult influences in their lives. They need to know it's okay to make mistakes and be taught how to learn from those mistakes and try again. They need to know that it's okay to be average. They need to know that perfection is not an attainable goal. Instead of criticism, they need to be given positive, encouraging motivation.
Bullying has become an epidemic in our schools, neighborhoods, and even our churches. Gossip, perversion, manipulation and outright physical, emotional and sexual abuse are running rampant in every environment our teens encounter. Our teenagers need to learn how to deal with these things, and how to prevent them. Adults need to be actively involved in helping to provide safer environments for our youth. Rules need to be stated and enforced. Zero tolerance for bullying needs to be adopted in these places our youth frequent. More importantly, our teens need help learning who they are and in gaining a strong self-esteem and self-worth, so that these bullying events do not have catastrophic results on their lives.
I don't think we've reached the point of no return with teen suicides. I think we've reached a stage where people are starting to notice what's going on and wanting to change things. That's a good start. But it will take every adult who has any contact with our youth taking a stand and doing their part to change this alarming trend. There are numerous resources available out there for training, information, support and crisis intervention. We can and will make a difference, if we're willing to get actively involved.
What can YOU do today to help build a teenager up and give them hope for tomorrow?
Among Native Americans and Alaska Natives between the ages of 15 and 34, suicide was the second leading cause of death.
Among Native American males, aged between 15 and 19, the numbers are even more grim. In a span of five years, 202 young men took their own lives, a rate of 34.6 per 100,000.
In comparison, the rate for males in the same age group was 13.7 for whites, 9.7 for Hispanics and 7.2 for African-Americans.
A U.S. survey found that almost one in five high school students had seriously considered attempting suicide, and more than one in six had already made plans to commit suicide.
Teen suicide in extreme poverty communities can be up to 150 times higher than the national average.
So what's going on? Why are we losing so many teens to suicide?
There are as many reasons for teen suicide as there are teens attempting it. Every teen has his own story. Every teen has his own reasons for contemplating or attempting to take his own life. As we saw today, popular, outgoing, good kids can take their own lives just as well as the troubled, delinquent, outcasts.
As a generation, today's teens are faced with shrinking support systems. Although teens can have thousands of friends on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, they may not have many real friends that they encounter face to face on a regular basis. Gone are the days of belonging to Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, GAs, RAs, Young Life and more being the cool thing to do. Memberships in clubs, organizations and even sports are now considered to be too restrictive on a teen's social time. There is a serious lack of belonging experienced among today's teens.
In addition, families have strayed from each other. In the past, extended families lived close enough to visit often, enjoy holidays together, and share in the day-to-day life experiences of each other. Today, a teen's closest relatives (other than those in his own household) may live hundreds or thousands of miles away, with limited interaction and even more scarce visitation. Grandmothers aren't there teaching the granddaughters to cook, sew or plant a garden. Grandfathers aren't there to take the grandsons hunting or fishing, or to teach them to work on a car. Aunts and Uncles are too busy - or are too far away - to spend time molding, shaping and mentoring their nieces and nephews.
Positive role models seem to be an endangered species today. Our sports heroes, actors, actresses, musicians and other celebrities are failing to provide good examples of responsible behaviors and attitudes. Even our church leaders are falling and failing at epidemic rates. Today's youth need people to look up to and admire. They need to see real life examples of what they can aspire to be.
In the case of one popular teenager who attempted to take her life, parents, teachers, coaches and others are expecting far too much from teens at far too young ages. This young lady said "I can never do anything good enough for my parents. I'm never good enough for my teachers. It's always a matter of 'you can do better' or 'try harder'. Maybe they are right, maybe I'll never be good enough. Maybe I will never accomplish anything. So why bother trying?" This young lady was a straight A student, excelled in softball and basketball, was an accomplished pianist and singer, and had won numerous beauty pageants. When people found out she had attempted suicide, they inadvertently added to the problem. Comments began to surface of "she had everything" and "she was perfect" so why would she try to kill herself? It may have seemed this girl had it all on the outside, but inside, she had nothing that she needed - parents who loved her unconditionally, teachers who supported and encouraged her with positive feedback, coaches who applauded her efforts and instilled a love of the sport, and friends who were her friends because she was herself, not because of what she had become. Our teenagers need to know they are loved no matter what. They need to be hugged, they need to see that people care, and they need to hear daily "I love you" from adult influences in their lives. They need to know it's okay to make mistakes and be taught how to learn from those mistakes and try again. They need to know that it's okay to be average. They need to know that perfection is not an attainable goal. Instead of criticism, they need to be given positive, encouraging motivation.
Bullying has become an epidemic in our schools, neighborhoods, and even our churches. Gossip, perversion, manipulation and outright physical, emotional and sexual abuse are running rampant in every environment our teens encounter. Our teenagers need to learn how to deal with these things, and how to prevent them. Adults need to be actively involved in helping to provide safer environments for our youth. Rules need to be stated and enforced. Zero tolerance for bullying needs to be adopted in these places our youth frequent. More importantly, our teens need help learning who they are and in gaining a strong self-esteem and self-worth, so that these bullying events do not have catastrophic results on their lives.
I don't think we've reached the point of no return with teen suicides. I think we've reached a stage where people are starting to notice what's going on and wanting to change things. That's a good start. But it will take every adult who has any contact with our youth taking a stand and doing their part to change this alarming trend. There are numerous resources available out there for training, information, support and crisis intervention. We can and will make a difference, if we're willing to get actively involved.
What can YOU do today to help build a teenager up and give them hope for tomorrow?
Monday, October 10, 2011
Changing Seasons
"I'm going back."
"I know you are."
"How did I know you already knew that even before I did?"
"That's just the way He connected us."
And so went another conversation where spirits are connected more than our earthly minds & hearts. Just as significant - so went another conversation indicating a changing season. Normally this would be met with complaint, me begging for consistency, or even anger. This time, it was met with quiet, peaceful acceptance.
People come into our lives for seasons. This particular friend became a mainstay in this season of my life when his sister (and one of my best friends) passed away. We journeyed through our common grief and found a remarkable friendship. Through this journey, we not only found common ground, we helped each other find Christ on a deeper level than either of us had experienced before. We disagreed (sometimes loudly), we pushed each other, we encouraged & supported each other, and we simply walked side by side on this path. Now we see those paths dividing... and it's okay. He has found where God wants him in this next season - and who am I to stand in the way? I can choose to fight it and be miserable, or I can choose to rejoice that he's found his new calling and support him as he goes back to the mission field on a more permanent basis.
I had realized several months ago that the seasons were getting ready to change - not just with this friend - but with almost all of my friends. The one person that I go to for advice has been caught up in her life - working more than one job, going through ministry training and raising her family. In the past this would cause me to stress about our friendship and wonder what I'd done to keep her from being there to talk all the time. Yet, as we've grown individually and in our friendship, I know that if I need her, all I have to do is pick up the phone and call or send a quick email and she'd be there in the blink of an eye - even if I haven't spoken to her in months. The silences are okay. More significantly, we both know without a doubt that we are constantly lifting one another in prayer. That is a comfort beyond any measure. Another friend who'd been distanced in the past few seasons has slowly come back into a more consistent existence in my life. New friends have emerged in the craziest of ways and places, and others have slowly faded into the background. It doesn't mean any of these friends are better or worse than the others, just that our season has changed.
Fall is normally one of my favorite seasons. The changing leaves, the warm days and crisp nights, college football (Go Hokies!), and holiday preparations all put me in a great mood. I welcome the change from the heat of summer into the wonders of fall. I embrace these changes, even when I know they won't last forever. Why then have I been so hesitant to accept the seasons of change in life? Why did I struggle to hold onto certain seasons instead of letting them grow and change as they must? Anyone with kids knows this struggle. You want to hold onto those baby kisses and chubby fingers forever - but every day they are growing and changing. We can't make seasons last. We can, however, choose joy in the changing seasons and ride the winds of change with a positive attitude, grateful heart and expectant spirit. God may have a bounty of blessings in store for us in the next season, and we may miss it if we're too busy holding onto the past season of life.
Kara's favorite quote is so applicable in this changing of seasons... "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
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