115 days and counting

115 days until the Anthem 10K. Seems like an eternity when I think about it. But I also know that preparation begins months before a race. I've been trying to hold off until after Christmas to start focusing on it. Right now my family needs my attention and I've been trying to get other things organized and taken care of. But soon... very soon... my focus will be on the 10K coming at me in April. I'm really excited about it - but very nervous too. Never have I felt such pressure from a race. Never have I had such high expectations or goals for a race. Never have I felt such a burden for a cause or charity I am running for. And never has that cause been so personal. 

For those unfamiliar with the background to it.. here is why I am running, or, more importantly, who I am running for. 

In the summer of 2000 I was an adventure camp counselor at Camp Roanoke in Salem, VA. I had a different group of campers each week, and of the 200+ kids I interacted with that summer, I could probably tell you the names of about 20 of them. One of those names and faces that stuck in my mind long after camp ended was Morgan Harrington. Why did she stand out? Well - she was the youngest of all of our campers that week. She was tiny and absolutely darling - inside and out. She was just an energetic, happy, free-spirited young lady with a ton of determination and spunk. Nothing we threw at her that week phased her. She climbed like a pro during rock climbing at Bozoo. She paddled mile after mile while chattering away and making everyone laugh. She barely voiced a negative word the entire week - even when things went wrong - like the earwigs overtaking her tent & all of her belongings while camping at Bozoo, or when my coworker locked the keys in the van and we were left standing around waiting for what seemed like an eternity until he was finally able to get into the van and get us back to camp. She was always positive, always encouraging her fellow campers, and always seemed so grown up with all of her answers. She was mature beyond her years - yet had the sweet, sensitive side that was always ready to give a hug. I loved her dearly and am so thankful for some short video clips and pictures from that week to remind me of what she was like as an 11 year old child. 

Why? Because in October 2009, I was walking through our house in NYC when I heard the name Morgan Harrington come across a news broadcast. I stopped, asked my husband what was being said, and told him I'd had a camper named Morgan Harrington. He said "some girl from VA Tech went missing from a Metallica concert." I stopped. Stared at the TV and prayed to God it was not her. Then they showed a picture of Morgan. It was 10 years older than the face I remembered, but I knew in an instant it was her. I grabbed my photo album from camp, turned to the pages from her week of camp, and showed it to my husband. It was her. There was no doubt. I was stunned. I prayed and wondered for days. I grieved, not knowing what was coming and afraid to find out. I searched for news and information for weeks - hoping upon hope I'd hear she'd been found and was fine. Sometime around the end of November reality set in. I didn't want to give up hope, but I knew, just knew, Morgan was never coming back. I knew she was gone. But I didn't want to believe it. I sent a message to her brother, who'd also been one of my campers that same week at camp, and sent a message to Morgan's Facebook page - kind of as a way to put into words what I was praying. I knew in January when my sister called to tell me they'd found a body on Anchorage Farms that it was her. They weren't saying much at the time, but I knew. I grieved again. Wave after wave of grief. HOW? WHY? What did the poor girl go through? Why would someone be so cruel? This child had SO MUCH to give this world. Such a personality. Such a strong, stubborn determination. Such an intense desire to be somebody and do something big to make the world a better place. She was the kid every mom dreamed of having. How could she possibly be gone??

I remember we were hit with a snowstorm just before her funeral and I was unable to go. I sent a sympathy card to her parents but it felt so inadequate. I connected with others who were also grieving her death and looking for ways to help. I did everything I possibly could to help find her killer. His police profile picture was seared into my brain. I circulated it whenever and wherever I could. And I did what I always do when I can't put my thoughts into words or even get them sorted out in my mind - I ran. 

In September 2014, I went to Lake Tahoe and paddled - for Morgan. In April, I will be going to Roanoke - to run - for Morgan. In October I will be going back to Tahoe - to run and paddle - for Morgan. I cannot imagine what Dan & Gil Harrington have gone through in the past 5+ years. I cannot imagine what the families of Hannah Graham, Alexis Murphy or others have gone through or are continuing to endure. All I know is that I want to do all I can to  help keep my own girls and every other girl safe. So I am running for Help Save the Next Girl. Morgan's mom Gil founded the organization shortly after Morgan's death. Though my contact with Gil has been limited, I know how passionate she is about helping other families going through similar ordeals as she has been through. I know how passionate she is about keeping other girls safe from violent predators. I may have been unable to help Morgan, but I can help Gil in her mission. As I run I will be carrying the names of Morgan, Hannah, Alexis and others with me. I will keep telling their stories and sharing about their lives. I will be telling everyone I can about Help Save the Next Girl. I will be asking for people to sponsor me and donate to Help Save the Next Girl so they can keep moving forward and expanding. And every time I will be hearing Morgan's sweet little voice from my camp video and remembering WHY I am doing this. 

So I hope you have a better understanding of my journey and will keep venturing down this road with me. If anyone wants to join in for one of the runs or the kayak race, I'd love to have the company. We have an awesome team heading to Tahoe and I know there are a ton of supporters who will be at the Roanoke race. Blue Ridge Marathon has a ton of promo codes and discounts coming up for the races - and I will be sharing them right here on my blog. As I begin the training stage in the coming days I will share the ups and downs, the struggles and triumphs, and what's being done to support HSTNG - and what you can do to help. 

I need a silent night...

          "I need a silent night, a holy night

         To hear an angel voice through the chaos and the noise

         I need a midnight clear, a little peace right here

        To end this crazy day with a silent night" 

                     (Amy Grant - I Need A Silent Night)

Tis the season of bustle and broken hearts. It seems everywhere I turn lately there is more bad news creeping in. Oh how my heart aches sometimes with the overwhelming grief, pain, struggles, and trials of this life. Not just mine, but those around me. Friends, family, even acquaintances I barely know: strangers on the news, kids at a school in a different district, a neighbor's aging parent. It seems everyone is facing some sort of hardship right now; some incredibly tragic and some that might seem trivial to those they don't directly impact, but weighing heavily in the hearts facing them. This Christmas is far from normal for us, yet somehow, in the midst of the chaos and confusion, there is overwhelming hope, peace and joy. For every blow life is dealing, God is delivering a rebuttal of incredible blessings. For every hit from the world, God is hitting back with forces mightier and stronger. For every uncertainty, He is providing a definitive answer. For every loss He is providing something bigger and better. Most of the time these blessings are being delivered through those I've never met and never had any contact with. People who I'd never have expected to cross paths with. It's amazing how He works like that. It's important that we find some silence in this season to hear His voice and see His hands moving more clearly. It's important to remember the holy night, the reason for the season. It's important to praise Him and sing with the angels high above the noise of the holiday shopping and parties. It's important to find that midnight clear - the place and time where everything comes into focus. Or maybe, for now, just a place where you can see the faintest light of hope in the distance and know that everything will be okay in time. To find the peace right here. Now. In the midst of it all. To find peace within. Peace with Him. A peace only He can provide. A peace that will overtake our hearts and minds and fill our entire being with nothing but hope and joy. Stop for a moment in the busy bustle of this season and listen. Listen for the silent night. The holy night. The angel voice. The midnight clear. The peace. Listen. Breathe it in and let it consume you. Let it block out the world and let His light shine so brightly you don't have to wonder. Know, with no doubt or hesitation, that He has come, the King was born, our Hope is here and there IS reason to celebrate this Christmas. 

What happened to 2014?!

Wow! The last time I blogged was in January! What happened to 2014?! It's already December and everyone's gearing up for 2015. I apologize for the long absence. It's been a whirlwind of a year. 

After my Tink run in January I took some time off from running. I officially retired from half-marathons after the Tink half, and began to focus on a future in 10Ks. I have not missed half-marathons. At all. I have, however, found that I absolutely LOVE racing 10Ks. The distance is just far enough that it challenges me both physically and mentally, but short enough that it doesn't exacerbate any of the medical conditions. It has become my "perfect run distance." I did a few small, local races in NYC and one 4-miler in New Hampshire over the summer, as well as one obstacle race with my boys in July. In September, I journeyed out to South Lake Tahoe, CA to participate in my absolute fave event, the Lake Tahoe Marathon weekend. 

Tahoe was such a great experience. When Amanda and I first arrived, we somehow ended up being conned into volunteering at packet pickup on day 1. Although unplanned, we really didn't mind. We ended up meeting some really awesome people and had a great time. On the morning of the second day I participated in a 5-mile kayak race. It was amazing. I loved every second of it. Surprisingly, I won 1st place in the women's open division. I met two other wonderful ladies during the event and have kept in touch with one of them via Facebook. We are both looking forward to returning to Tahoe in October 2015. After the race Amanda and I again were drafted to help with race administration, and we gladly complied. When things finally wrapped up we headed to Heavenly Ski Resort to explore. We spent time in the village and then at the top of the incline. One cool part was being able to see exactly where I'd kayaked that morning - from a very high vantage point. On the morning of day 3 we both participated in the 10K, along with some other friends. My first mile was fast. Probably too fast for the elevation, but it helped me get a great split time for both the 5K and 4-mile marks. However, the elevation eventually won the battle with my body and I slowed significantly for miles 5 & 6. I finished in a decent time, less than 10 minutes off my PR from January. I had teammates at the finish line cheering as I crossed and I joined them to wait for the rest of our team. It was an enjoyable scenic race and a very memorable weekend. 

Right after I got back from Tahoe, we were supposed to move to Tennessee. The same day my overnight flight arrived in NYC, Patrick fell off the monkey bars and broke his elbow. A surgery and 3 pins, one week of rest and x-rays, and two followup visits later, we were still in NYC. Finally, we got to move down to TN at the end of September. It seemed like Murphy's Law wanted to win against our move. Badly. So many things kept going wrong. One after the other. I just kept pushing forward and trying to laugh it off. I began working with Bricks 4 Kidz in the afternoons and enjoyed being back in a familiar setting, though with different people. I just adore my bosses - especially Maria. She and I immediately found common ground and have become good friends in the two months I've been here. I could not be happier with my job and the people I work with. I am also on the sub list for Knox County Schools, but so far things have been so crazy I've yet to actually work a day. We have been busy unpacking, cleaning, organizing, prepping for Christmas, catching the boys up on missed schoolwork, and taking Patrick back to NYC for his follow-up appointments, since our insurance did not follow us to TN. Like I said - one thing after another.

One of the things that stands out in my mind that happened right after we got here to TN is news came that another girl was missing in VA. Hannah Graham had disappeared after a security camera spotted her being followed by a man. That man ended up being arrested, and finally, after 5 long years, Morgan Harrington's killer had potentially been caught. That brought on so many different emotions on so many levels. I had done the 5-mile kayak just a couple of weeks before that in memory of Morgan, and had even brought home a 2nd medal from the event to send to Morgan's parents. It took a while to process it out, and I'm still not sure how to explain what I'm feeling in regards to it. I did send the medal to Dan and Gil, and received a package in return. In the package, Gil's mom had sent a Help Save the Next Girl shirt, a print of a time line of Morgan's life, and a very touching letter. Part of it reminded me once again of my favorite thing to tell people: "You have the greatest impact on those you never knew were watching or listening." Adding to that, you never know just how many years your impact will continue in a life. Long after my time with Morgan, things we had shared and learned together became a part of her life and the way she gave back to this world. Now, it's my turn to help her continue to give back. I am partnering with both my CareRunners team and Help Save the Next Girl in 2015, hoping to carry Morgan's legacy and reach out to young women across the nation, keeping them safe from violent predators.  

So, here we are. It's December and, thanks to a friend who generously found a tree for us, our home is decorated and we are all anxiously awaiting Santa's return. It's been a rough couple of months, but I absolutely love our new home, our new neighborhood, our new friends and neighbors, and our boys' school & teacher. The people and the place are just awesome. The transitions, stress, finances, unpacking and other things associated with the move - not-so-awesome. But I know they will eventually get sorted out and things will be better down the road. It's just that I'm not the most patient person in the world, so I want things done now. Right now. Today. Yesterday even. I've been working a lot on letting it go and letting God take the wheels. He's managed to pull off one amazing miracle or blessing after another in response to every mishap or blow that has happened so far. It's been fun (?) to watch and experience. One thing is for sure: without Him, I would be in a crumpled heap in the middle of the floor, sobbing and wishing for a different life. Or at least all the stress to go away from this life. Instead, with Him, there is just an amazing peace and contentment. I can clearly see every single blessing and every time His hands move in my life. That part of this experience I wouldn't trade for anything. 

What is in store for 2015? Well, I was thrown into a director position with CareRunners, so I'm trying to get organized and ready to take over leadership of our team. It's a bit daunting, but I'm excited to see where it leads. Thanks to my CareRunners team and the great folks of the Blue Ridge Marathon, I finally have the opportunity to run a charity race in my hometown for the first time ever. Seven years of charity racing, and not once has a single race of mine been done in my hometown. That is to change in April when I run the Anthem Star 10K. I will be blogging about my training and the race as the new year rolls around. Also in 2015, I will hopefully be returning to Tahoe to defend my kayak title and try again to reach my goal time on my 10K. Those are really my only two big plans for 2015. I've learned not to plan much else. I'm all for God dropping something in my lap and letting me run with it on the go now. Wait - maybe I should rethink that statement... 

Until next time - Merry CHRISTmas! Go out and do something great - and be great at it! Reach out, serve others and love deeply. Life is short. Savor every moment and use the time you have to make someone else's life better.