Before you church leaders get all up in arms about that statement, let me explain.
Conversation #1 -
Youth speaker - "Do you go to a church here on the island?"
Teen girl - (laughing) "Yeah, right. Like any church wants to see someone like ME walk through their door."
Youth speaker - "Have you tried it?"
Teen girl - "Once. Went with my girlfriend. They told us to take our lesbian selves back out the door and keep that disgusting behavior out of their building."
Youth speaker - "What behavior?"
Teen girl - "Dunno. Wasn't like we were holding hands or kissing or anything. We just walked in together. Kid from our school introduced us as (name) and her girlfriend (name) and the guy went nuts."
Youth speaker - "Did you stay or leave?"
Teen girl - "We left. It was obvious we weren't good enough for them. Why stay where we aren't wanted?"
Youth speaker - "Did you ever try going to a different church?"
Teen girl - "Nope. They're all the same. All these goodie-goodie Christians and their perfectionism. No room for people like me."
Conversation #2 -
Pastor - "Our youth group is up and moving. We love to see them making a difference out there."
Youth Speaker - "What was the last mission project your kids did?"
Pastor - "Oh, they don't do missions."
Youth Speaker - "OK. What was the last ministry they led?"
Pastor - "Oh, they don't lead ministry. We minister to them. They don't minister to anyone."
Youth Speaker - "So how are they reaching their lost friends and classmates? How exactly are they out there making a difference?"
(Pastor stares in silence looking puzzled and ashamed)
Conversation #3 -
Youth Speaker - "There is a conference that is making a huge impact on teens taking place in (state). What would you say about bringing something like that here to Staten Island?"
Youth Minister - "That sounds awesome. But impossible."
Youth Speaker - "Why?"
Youth Minister - "Our church won't spend money, especially on the children or youth. We couldn't host an event like that."
Youth Speaker - "What if the costs were completely covered?"
Youth Minister - "We wouldn't be allowed to host it. They make us stay in the multipurpose room in the basement. We can't let the youth use the church other than that."
Youth Speaker - "So we'll let the band play in multipurpose room in the basement. They won't mind."
Youth Minister - "No. The church won't let our youth have something like that in the building."
Youth Speaker - "What if the event was held somewhere else here on the island?"
Youth Minister - "No one would come. At least not from here. It's all we can do to get them here to our church."
Youth Speaker - "When is the last time you tried to take the youth to an event outside of the church?"
Youth Minister - "Never."
Youth Speaker - "Would you be willing to try?"
Youth Minister - "There's no use. Our youth wouldn't go. They wouldn't care. They would have every excuse."
Youth Speaker - "But would you be willing to try?"
Youth Minister - "What's the point? If we can't reach them on Sundays how can we get them to do something any other day?"
Youth Speaker - "Will you try?"
Youth Minister - "No. It's too much of a hassle."
Conversation #4 -
Youth Speaker - "What church do you go to?"
12 year old girl - "Oh, we don't go to church. We don't need fairy tales like Jesus to help us. We do fine on our own. As you can see. (points to house around her)
Youth Speaker - "Do you ever wonder if Jesus is more than a fairy tale?"
12 year old girl - "What do you mean? Dad said Jesus is like Santa - just something that little kids believe in until they are old enough to know better."
Youth Speaker - "What if I told you that Jesus is very real and I talk to Him every day?"
12 year old girl - "I'd say you were weird. Jesus is just a myth. Everyone knows that."
Conversation #5 -
Teacher (public school) - "What is truth?"
Various students in class - "Something that's real." "Something you know is right." "Something that is always the same." "Whatever is right." "That depends on the person."
Teacher - "How do you know if something is true?"
Student replies - "Someone proves it."
Teacher - "Where do you go to learn the truth - or to prove it?"
Students - "Friends." "School." "Family." "Books." "You try it."
Teacher - "What if it's not a truth and you try it?"
Student replies - "Who cares? Everyone has to find out for themselves anyway. It's not like there is one right truth that is for everyone."
Teacher - "How do you know?"
(No answers from the class)
Teacher - "What if someone told you there was one truth, one right way and one absolute in life - and they were able to show you examples from a book that proved their point?"
Student replies - "They'd be full of (explicit). That's like church stuff. No one can prove it. There isn't just one right way of anything. We all decide for ourselves what is right and what is wrong."
Teacher - "What if your right isn't the same as my right?"
Student replies - "It's called tolerance. Isn't that what they teach us? We agree to disagree and move on. Or we fight it out if people keep hounding us 'bout it."
Teacher - "If one person says it's right, but everyone else around them says it's wrong, who's right?"
Students - "The ones saying it's wrong."
Teacher - "Really? What if I told you the one person was the only one with proof?"
Student replies - "He's still outnumbered. Go with the majority."
Teacher - "If the majority says that killing someone is right, but one person says it's wrong, do you still go with the majority?"
(silence)
Teacher - "If the majority says that stealing is ok, but one person says it's wrong, is the majority right? Or the one?"
(silence)
Finally one student speaks up and says - "Doesn't it depend on the situation and the person?"
These are just five of the hundreds of conversations that have taken place over the past eight months. Hundreds of teens and those who work with them who can't define truth, who don't know right from wrong, who don't care or have the time to care, and who can't say what church is for. Church leaders and youth who pass judgment on the lost but don't reach out to show them the truth. Parents who give up on their kids and ignore the problems, turning a blind eye and deaf ear to the cries for help.
In the past eight months alone I've had eleven speakers, bands, musicians, and event coordinators ask me if I can help them bring their event to a church here on Staten Island. Not one has been successful. Not one church has said yes. Not one church has opened their door. Not once has a single church leader been willing to try. People want to reach our youth. The church isn't letting them help.
Let's take it a step further.
In one town, a 15 year old rallies her classmates to stand up against bullying and helps her school develop a zero-tolerance policy against it.
On Staten Island, one 15 year old is bullied to the point that she chooses to jump in front of a bus to kill herself because no one took the time to hear her pleas for help. Another 15 year old has round-the-clock police protection and has to be homeschooled because of death threats made by bullying classmates. A school principal says "that's not my problem." A parent says "I had no idea." A teacher says "I'm not allowed to get involved." A youth leader says "I can't do or say anything about what happens at school." A pastor says "she never asked me for help." A police officer says "We are limited as to what we can do. We can't protect every kid who says they are being bullied."
In one town, a 15 year old boy organizes his youth group to deliver meals and clothing to the homeless people in his neighborhood, and helps develop a back-to-work program through his church so the homeless people will have an income and shelter to get through the winter.
On Staten Island, a group of teenagers goes out tormenting and torturing local homeless people, taking their meager possessions and torching them, beating the homeless and leaving them helpless on the street, and videotaping it as a mockery to put online.
In one town, a 15 year old girl and her mother go to the children's hospital once a week to read books and play games with the kids on the cancer ward.
On Staten Island, one 15 year old throws her newborn baby in a dumpster while another beats her one-year-old to death.
In one town, a 16 year old boy refuses to drive his girlfriend home because he doesn't want to risk temptation.
On Staten Island, a 16 year old boy is trying to figure out which girl will be his next tally mark.
In one town, a 15 year old asks a store owner if they can carry some less revealing clothing that is still fashionable.
On Staten Island, a 15 year old just busted for prostitution asks "why is it so wrong for me to sell my body to make money to go to college and get out of this dump? It's my body!"
Where are we going wrong? Why are the youth of Staten Island making the news for all the wrong reasons? Why are they out there hurting, bullying, and killing others? Why aren't they showing any remorse for their negative behavior?
Those 15 year olds from other towns that were used as examples - they are all active in their church youth groups, have parents who spend time with them and communicate with them, and have other adult role models in their lives teaching them right from wrong. Here on Staten Island, you are more likely to find a group of moms out partying together and caught up in the latest TV drama instead of home spending time with their kids and teens. Here on Staten Island you are more likely to find dads who are out there working mulitple jobs to make ends meet and who couldn't tell you the birthdays of their kids, much less what they've done that day.
When will it end?
When the adults of Staten Island take a stand FOR their children and youth. When teachers start giving praise and encouragement and stop allowing bullying in their classrooms. When principals set zero-tolerance policies and work to show the students they actually care about them as individuals. When youth ministers and church leaders stop coming up with excuses and start getting out there in the neighborhoods showing kids they care. When Christian adults stop hiding in their costly, elaborate church buildings and homes, and start investing time in the lives of the kids they come in contact with. When our kids and teens see that there are places of refuge they can go to find the Truth, get encouragement, find help when they need it and where they can be themselves.
If you are an adult on Staten Island who has any contact whatsoever with kids and/or teens, you have a choice to make. You can get on board with reaching out, changing things, and making a difference, or you can kindly get out of the way so the rest of us can.
If you are a church leader or youth minister, you too have a choice to make. You can stay hidden away in your buildings praying for kids to come to you, or you can get out there and reach the kids where they are, and stop blocking attempts by others to reach the youth of Staten Island. I don't care what denomination you are, what your church's budget is, what degree or background you have, or if you are ordained or not - if you are tired of seeing our youth die tragically because they have lost all hope and the knowledge of right and wrong, NOW is the time to take action. How many more teens do we have to lose before you accept your God-given responsibility to reach out to the ones who are left here? Get out of your church office and out there on the streets. Talk to these teens. Find out what they want, what they need, where they are, and how to best help them. They want to talk. I have yet to find a teen here on Staten Island who doesn't want to answer my questions or tell me about their life. Not one teen in the past eight months has refused to speak to me - on the trains, in the stores, walking down the street, at the bus stop, in the parks or on my block. They are willing to talk, ask questions and hear what you have to say. Are you willing to meet them on their turf?
God is ready to move here on Staten Island.
Church, either get with the program, or get out of His way.
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