2015.
Wow.
It’s been an adventure, for sure.
I
started off the year working camps and school programs for Bricks 4 Kidz. I
attended the funeral of one of my favorite uncles, and watched family engage in
petty squabbles. I spent two weeks at home with my kids wondering how schools
could possibly be closed for snow when there was barely an inch of anything on
the ground, not to mention thinking “didn’t we leave this kind of February
weather in NY?” Then I scrambled to figure out how to pay the bills after
missing two weeks of work with no pay thanks to the dusting of “snow,” only to
have my awesome and amazing blessing of a boss come to the rescue. I got a
phone call from a woman at the local school I was begging God to let me go work
for. She had somehow gotten a hold of my criminal background check from Knox
County and asked if I could go take the drug test and then come start subbing.
I was blown away that she would go so far out of her way to help me get the job
I so desperately wanted. I began subbing there and absolutely fell in love with
the school and the students.
Marching
on, I watched my beautiful little girls celebrate their 3rd and 5th
birthdays, and we celebrated my 38th. I wondered how time could
possibly fly by us so quickly and ached to make time stop – just for a few
minutes - so I could enjoy my not-so-baby-anymore-babies. Then, to add to the
wistfulness, we celebrated my boys 10th birthday. Double digits
already?! I traveled to Salem, VA to participate in the first race I would ever
run in my hometown. I struggled with comments made about runner sizes and
appearances for weeks after this event, but at the same time, I felt a surge of
victory over conquering the first 3.1 mile climb up the 1700+ foot mountain and
running my fastest mile in a race on the way back down. I went to lunch after
the race with my two best friends and the parents of my former camper Morgan
Harrington. We discussed the newest happenings in the trial of Morgan’s
murderer, and talked about normal, everyday things – just to be able to spend
some time together. While I was in town I went to visit my godparents, who had
been having some medical difficulties and were, against all of my protests,
aging faster each year. Some days I wish I could flash back to my childhood and
really take a moment to appreciate the time and energy so many people from
outside of my family invested in me over the years. My godparents (who as I was
growing up were my next door neighbors), the ladies who lived across the
street, the grandma two doors down, the Sunday School teacher and GA leader,
the camp director and other camp leaders, and so many more – who endlessly
poured their love on me and guided me as best they could. It really did take a
village to raise this child, and as the years go on I am more and more grateful
for those adults who were there for me.
In
April I learned that one of our friends in Southern California had died
unexpectedly. He was a young guy, but had many health issues and difficulties.
My heart broke at the loss, but found comfort in the knowledge that our goodbye
was not the end. One day we will be worshipping together at the feet of our
Savior. Until then, I choose to remember the fun times with him and our other
friends and be thankful for the time I was able to spend with him. Time kept
moving. At the end of April we celebrated Don’s birthday, admired the boys
spring pictures from school, cheered the boys on during field day and scrambled
to get some cold water and ice pops to the kids when the water truck never
showed.
Before
we knew it school was out, summer was here and swim team was in full swing. The
boys spent a week doing clinic to get to know their new coach and team better,
and brush up on their skills. Then it was headfirst into the busy summer
season, with meets each week and dodging thunderstorms along the way. We took a
couple of trips to Dollywood and Splash Country with new friends, took in a
Garth Brooks concert, and spent a week at CQ – a vacation Bible school at the
school/church where I had subbed. During CQ I finally got an interview for a
full time teaching job in the high school there. When I met the new principal
and the other science teacher, I knew I was where God wanted me, but I wasn’t quite
sure if they got that memo. I went back to the middle school ministry and just
cried. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted the job until that very moment. I
can’t remember the last time I wanted something so badly. I just hoped that it
wasn’t just me, and that it truly was what God had planned for me and where He
needed me to be. It didn’t take long to get the confirmation. The principal
called and offered me the job. I didn’t even have to think about it. Yes, I
could go back to Knox Co and sub and have more free hours, or even go full time
there for more money, but it was not where my heart was. I was on cloud 9 the
rest of the summer as I prepared to go teach Biology and Environmental Science
to students I couldn’t wait to meet.
At
the end of June, we managed to take an unexpected trip to New Hampshire to
spend one last week on the lake at Jack’s cabin. That week was such a blessing.
I needed it so badly. To be tucked away in the little town with just Don, the kids
and the lake – it was wonderful. We crammed so much fun into that week. No one
wanted to leave. But then again, I was anxious to get my classroom set up. Part
of me wanted school to start immediately, while the other part of me longed to
hang on to each hour of the summer with my kiddos. When we got back from NH we
literally dove right back into the pool. We arrived in town, changed and headed
to a meet. It was crazy, but we were ready. The weather was not as cooperative,
but we managed to get in a couple more meets before the season ended, including
the forever long, stormy and crazy Smoky Mountain Invitational, and the
championship meet. Because summer wasn’t crazy busy enough as it was, we found
ourselves at Children’s Hospital with Abby to have her massive oral surgery
done. I wasn’t ready for that. I ached and hurt as I watched her tiny little
body go limp from the anesthesia. She handled it like a champ though, and her
mouth is much healthier now.
Don
spent a lot of time painting my classroom and getting it cleaned up and ready.
On one of those late nights, while he was at the school with my car and his car
was in the shop, I found myself needing a ride to the local Emergency Room –
this time with Emma. She fell on the scooter, and gashed open her chin. Thankfully
our new neighbors are just an awesome bunch of people and two of them jumped
right in to help. One drove us to the hospital and waited there with us until
we were ready to come home, and the other checked on the boys and Abby while we
were gone. The ER visit was TORTURE for both of us – not to mention the doctors
and nurses who were there that night. I never want to go through that again.
Then
we blinked, August had arrived, and it was time for me to start work. Classes
would begin soon and everyone needed to get ready for back-to-school time. The
boys were thrilled with their teacher and learned one of their swim teammates
was in their class. They were ready for 5th grade. Emma was just as
exuberant about Kindergarten. She couldn’t wait to get there. We went to the
back-to-school night and she took a picture with all of the other
Kindergartners. I wasn’t sure I was as ready to let her go to school. I worried
about her teacher – not because of the teacher – but because I knew how
complex, sometimes difficult, and always adventurous Emma could be. I begged
God to put her in the perfect class with the perfect teacher – and He did.
There were certainly some bumps along the way, but she settled in and did
great. Abby began going to preschool two days a week and begged to go more. She
loved school, her teachers, her classroom and her friends. I have a feeling it
will be a much easier transition for her when she gets to Kindergarten. I still
struggle with the fact that she goes to school now, even if it is just a couple
of days a week. I’m just not ready for my little girls to grow up!! My classes
– well, my classes were just plain awesome. I found out that I had a group of
some of the students I had connected with while subbing – and was ecstatic to
have them all in the same class together right before lunch each day, in one of
my favorite subjects to teach – Environmental Science. I was also blessed with
two great groups of freshman for Biology classes.
Once
everyone got into the swing of school we found ourselves facing trial after
trial. At the end of August I noticed my phone was going nuts trying to send me
notifications. Normally my phone is quiet during the day and I never pay any
attention to it. I knew something bad was up if people were trying that hard to
get in touch with me. I checked it right as I headed to lunch duty – and
shouldn’t have. One of the kids I watched grow up in our hometown and whom I’d
had the pleasure of working with through youth ministry activities had been
shot and killed while broadcasting on the local news. It was horrendous. I
still don’t think I could put those emotions into words. Though it did
reconnect me with a couple of my former teens, it is still a really tough thing
to talk about. Then, just as I was coming to grips with this, word came that JM
had finally been charged with Morgan Harrington’s murder. The five years of
emotions from that coupled with the recent murder of Adam had me grabbing the
lifelines and struggling to keep afloat. I was so thankful for my coworkers and
friends during that time. I knew I was where I was for a reason and God was
taking care of me. So many confirmations came – every single day – one after
another. It was such a comfort.
With
September also came football games and a trip to VA Tech for the Hokie 5K. The
boys and I met Amanda there and had a great time. We watched the football game
on TV at a local favorite restaurant and the boys were excited about the
atmosphere of the college campus. The next day they both managed to run and
finish their first 5K and did very well – though both begged to never have to
do it again. Then it was back to work and school and the days just kept flying
by. Between me working, the kids going to school, me volunteering with the
middle school ministry, the kids having parties and play dates to go to and all
of the normal daily stuff, it seemed we never had time to just sit and relax as
a family. Halloween came and we headed out to trick-or-treat in the
neighborhood. My science classes had made it to the point the semester where
they were dissecting. Most of them weren’t thrilled about it, but they all did
so well. By this time I had gotten to know my students pretty well and was
realizing my time with them was growing short. Midterms came and I found myself
– in Tahoe! It was incredible. What a weekend and what timing!
Our
CareRunners team goes to Tahoe each year, and I had been looking forward to
this weekend from the time I got on the plane to leave last year. The logistics
leading up to the event had everyone fuming. Too many changes with too little
communication was turning this long-awaited race weekend into a huge headache. I
had such big plans for the weekend, but with my health not improving and giving
me such a hard time, I had to water down those plans. I was also hit with
obstacle after obstacle, especially with the 5-mile kayak race. I don’t think
anyone really understood how important it was for me to get through this
weekend’s races – for me, for Morgan, for Adam – and so many others. I NEEDED
those races and that weekend with my running friends. With the amazing team
support and my refusal to give in to the frustrations, I managed to do my best
ever kayak race (despite the race director’s poor judgment and the race being
cut short) and did a great 10K race. I had to stop during the 5K, but found
myself spending time with a teammate I really needed to spend that time with.
It all worked out. Amanda and I found ourselves in the midst of the Tahoe race
committee and volunteers and were swept into the volunteer dinner on the last
night of the race. We weren’t really given a choice. We loved the extra time
with our Tahoe friends and the humor of the company of the table we were seated
at – but we were ready to go home.
When
I got back to TN we took a family day to go to Dollywood and just spend time
together. Then it was back to work and I just poured all I had to give into
those students and then even more into my kids at home. I found out my health
had taken a turn and I needed surgery. We scheduled it for the last day of the
semester – Dec 18th – thinking I would be fine until then and would
be able to use the 2 weeks off afterwards to rest and recover. More on that in
a minute.
November
came and I took my science classes to the zoo. Yes, high schoolers. Yes, the
zoo. We listened to a worker talk about different endangered species and the
programs they had to help them. We got to get up close and personal with some
animals. That was all fine and dandy until she brought out the tarantula. I had
never seen my students move so fast before. It was comical. We had two
absolutely perfect, beautiful days at the zoo (once with my BIO students and
once with Environmental Science). I was able to spend some time with some of
the students and a couple of parents – and really enjoyed getting to know
everyone outside of the walls of the classroom. Then, it was back to the books.
On
Thursday, November 19, my phone rang. It was the doctor calling to ask if I
could come in for the surgery tomorrow. My entire crazy-busy life just stopped
on a dime at that moment. My labs were off, it was better for my health not to
wait any longer and like it or not, it was time to get this done. I was a
wreck. I knew the surgery was coming, but the lifelong, permanent consequences
of it weighed heavy on me and I was NOT ready. I cried as I asked my boss for
the time off I needed. I cried as I called my husband and told him plans had
changed. I cried as I got my sub plans together. I was a total mess. That night
I got everything together and then next morning got the kids off to school as
if it was a normal day. Only that day I didn’t go to work. I went to the
hospital. As tearful as the day before had been, I was miraculously calm and at
peace. (Thank you prayer warriors.) Because of the timing of my surgery, Don
wasn’t able to stay with me. He had to go get Abby and then pick up the other
kids from school. I was doing great until the doctor came in and I knew it was
time to go. The anesthesiologist said she’d get me something to help me relax
before they took me back and put me under, and that is the last thing I
remember until I was trying to wake up and a nurse was saying “Wow, you had a
great sleep. How are you feeling?” They moved me to a room, I was there all of
an hour, and then I was on my way home. The next week was a blur. I could not
stay awake. I had a really hard time shaking the anesthesia. When I finally was
able to stay awake, the pain hit, and it hit hard. So then I was knocked back
out by the pain medication. It was a rough nine days. Thankfully – it was only nine days.
On
day 10, I was back at work. I was in pain, but it was manageable without pain
meds. I was thankful the doctor was able to remove the tumor and that my time
off work was minimal. I was ready to be back with my students and get them
ready for finals. I couldn’t believe the end of the semester was here already.
I wasn’t ready to let these students go! I was just getting to know them well
enough! But, that’s the way things go.
I
finished up the classwork and labs, reviewed for the finals until they knew the
material in their sleep, and spent some down time with Christmas fun. We went
to Kindergarten for Christmas crafts, went to the big tree for class photos,
had a Christmas movie day and made gifts together in the classroom. It was such
a great time for all of us. Exams came and went and we found ourselves on
Christmas vacation. As I read over the letters and cards from my students, I
thanked God for the time I’d had with them and prayed for each of them as they
moved on to other classes. I prayed for each of my incoming students and made
sure my entire semester was ready to go. I wanted to be sure to focus the
entire two weeks on my family and not work, but I also wanted to be able to
walk back in to my classroom on the first Monday of January and know everything
was ready to go and there was no stress waiting to assault me.
So
here we are. Christmas is already a memory and the New Year is right around the
corner. I know so many are looking forward to this year called 2015 ending. It
has been a rough one for sure. But don’t forget the blessings that snuck in
each day too. I watched as friends went through breakups and divorces, but I
also rejoiced at the news of engagements and new babies. I watched as high
school football players struggled through each game with injuries and ended the
season without winning a game. But I also rejoiced as another group of high
school football players carried my entire hometown to a state championship
title. I watched friends bury loved ones – parents, grandparents, children and
close friends. But I also rejoiced at the news of cancers beaten, diseases
healed, lost children found, and injuries overcome. I watched as people ran in
fear and cried over senseless violence. But I also rejoiced over those little
news stories that got lost along the way – the police officer who saved a
newborn baby and mom, the Marine who stopped a terrorist before he could hurt
anyone, the civilians who stood on guard protecting the police officers who
were serving them.
For
every negative of the year there was just as many, if not more, positives. For
every trial and difficulty there was a moment of joy and triumph. So when you
think of 2015, what will you remember? The good? Or the bad?
2016
is coming. Guess what? There will be a ton of trials during this year too. We
aren’t promised an easy life here. BUT – 2016 is also going to be filled with
tons of blessings. Are you ready to see them? Don’t focus so hard on the tears
and hurts of 2015 that you miss the amazing peace, joy and blessings He has in
store for you in 2016. To everything there is a season. Let go of the past and
keep pressing on towards the goal. Don’t take your eyes off Him or be
distracted by the things of this world that are pressing in. Yes, this life
hurts sometimes. Yes, there are tears and pain. Yes, it is hard. But this is
only temporary. This is not the end. My absolute favorite lyrics from this past
year have kept me going as they have replayed non-stop for the past three
months:
“Your world’s not falling apart,
it’s falling into place,
I’m on the throne, stop holding
on, and just be held.”
Things
are happening for a reason. We may not understand it all here, but we can rest
assured that God is working it all out for His good – and ours. Focus on the
good, choose joy, and be the light. Or, as our CareRunners team will be saying
throughout 2016 – go Glow in the Dark! In those dark times, be a light of His
hope, love, peace and joy. Reflect His light in such a way that it draws others
to Him. Be so focused on Him that you lose sight of the negative stuff going on around you, but never lose the willingness to reach out and help someone else
out of those dark times.
May
your new year be a time of renewal – in body, mind, spirit and strength. May it
be filled with love, laughter, family and friends. And may it glow so brightly
the whole world will see.
Happy
New Year!
