What doesn't kill you

It was one of those days. I did not want to get up. I did not want to go to the gym. I was tired. I was sore. I was so over everything. The boys had practice. I had PT. I had to go. But I did not want to go.

I went. Reluctantly. I had an amazing workout. If getting there is 90% of the battle - I won. But I really want a nap now. I haven't been sleeping well, and I've been in overdrive at home. I'm exhausted. But I can't stop if I ever want to get better.

As we were walking in, one of my boys asked why we are doing this. I hope and pray that I'm setting a good example - that we do what we need to do when we need to do it - and that we don't give up or stop just because we are tired and over it. That is enough to motivate me to keep going despite how I feel - because I never want them to think that quitting is an option.

However, nap time is definitely looking better and better at the moment.

Big Step

Huge step today in the painfully slow progression back to running. I was able to complete a full 1-hour training session in the gym - both cardio and strength - and regulate body temp at the same time. My body finally reacted well to a workout - actually sweating (a little more than normal but much closer to the acceptable norm range the doctor is hoping for - and way better than not sweating at all to release some internal heat) and no numbness anywhere. Recovery took much shorter time than anticipated. I'm sore and going to be even sorer tomorrow - but stretching it out and enjoying the burn. It's been a long wait for this moment. I want to go back tomorrow but they said no way. So I get to try a different workout Wednesday. They want to keep mixing things up a bit to see what my body can react normally to and what things I need to still avoid during the rehab. Still some trial and error ahead - but I'll take it if it gets me back out pounding pavement sooner.

Not where I planned to be today

8 months ago I planned to be in Tahoe today, running with my friends. Never did I imagine I’d be going 8 months with no running, and it still be undetermined when or if I will be able to return to the sport that carried me through many difficult things. So many days I’ve ached for the escape running brings me. Seeing all of the pictures from today’s race has been tough, but I’m trusting the doctors are doing everything they can to get me back out there safely, and that God’s got this totally under control, and has a reason for this extended break from running. One amazing thing did happen yesterday that might not have happened if I’d been in Tahoe this weekend, and it’s something that could have a huge positive impact on our family this year. So, holding onto hope and sticking with the excruciatingly slow process.