God has been teaching me a lot about obedience over the past two years. Unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering, all-out obedience. Sometimes those lessons have proven quite painful.
One of the things He seems to like to do is put people's faces/names on my heart to pray for and encourage. On it's own, that sounds pretty simple. But He doesn't give me people that I want to pray for and encourage. No way. That'd be too easy. He gives me people that are as far from my comfort-zone as possible. People who have hurt me in the past. People who are way above me on the social scale, whom I would normally have nothing to do with. People I barely know and whom I feel weird about contacting out of the blue to say "hey - just wanted to let you know I was praying for you. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know!"
Then there is this one person. It's the one that really pressed that "unquestioning" part of the obedience lesson. In fact, I initially failed that test. As soon as I felt that person land on my heart I flinched and said "REALLY, God?!?! REALLY?!?!?!?!? Are you SURE?!?!?!?!!?" To this day I find myself wanting to go running to my Father in tears begging Him to choose someone different. You see, at first I barely knew the person. I knew nothing of their struggles, their heartaches, their sins, or their life. I didn't really want to know. They were of the "celebrity" sort and the kind of person I've tried my best to avoid at all costs for many years. As I began praying for this person, not knowing what I was praying for, I felt my heart start to melt a bit for them. When God pushed me to reach out to this person you should have seen the backpedaling. So much for "unhesitating." I was begging for a sign that I was wrong receiving this message. I was hoping and praying it was just my own mind & reasoning playing tricks on me and not really God's voice directing me down that path. But, as He would have it, He was serious. So I did the scariest thing I'd ever done in my life. I contacted this person and shared with them what God was doing. The reaction I got was anything but what I expected - and was total confirmation that I was doing what He'd asked of me. Obedience.
Then came a surprising twist. Where I'd had so much to say to this person and share with them, I suddenly got a new directive. "Be still. Be quiet. Wait." Well you know that one was hard - especially for me. I'm a fix-it person. If I know what's wrong I want to rush in and make it all better. I thought "what do you mean, wait? I'll try..." I waited. And waited. Finally, He led me to just give a simple encouragement follow-up. Did it. Got further confirmation I was on the right track. Then "Be still!" again. UGH! It was so frustrating, but I knew He was testing my obedience. He'd brought me so far in this area, and I knew I really needed to just trust and obey.
Somewhere along the way I learned to love this person. I cared deeply for them. Not in any type of lustful or sexual way, but in a Spirit-filled brotherly love that could only come from God Himself. Gone were any hesitations and in their place were a new boldness and confidence. I'd never been so certain and sure of God's lead and was embracing it for all it was worth. My heart broke daily for this person and their struggles. I cried out to Jesus on this person's behalf for hours upon hours. I watched God begin to move in this person's life. I watched the walls start to come down. Slowly.
Then the unthinkable. I cracked. I started listening to myself instead of Him. I decided that this person needed to hear what I had to say about something. As you can imagine, this started a disaster of a fall. Instead of building this person up and encouraging them, I found myself pointing out what they should be doing and could have done. I found myself praying about their faults, instead of lifting them up to the Father with care and concern. I lashed out at this person when they said something I didn't agree with. Obedience was gone. Trust was gone. That fragile relationship was gone. I blew it. I had taken something so supernaturally precious and squashed it in a moment. Of course, then I did what we humans think we always have to do when we mess up. I tried to fix it. I tried to make things better. Fail. Big-time fail. In fact, I'm pretty sure I made things worse.
I asked God to either give me an open door with this person, or to move me. He chose to move us both - in very opposite directions - and in very clearly defined boundaries. There was no gray area about it. All contact ceased. Completely. I finally realized that I must completely give this person back over to God and pray that someone else would come alongside them to help guide them back where He wants them.
Today I was given a glimpse into that person's life through a mutual friend and I just hit my knees crying out in prayer. I was heartbroken. I begged God not to let my mistakes and disobedience cause this person to stumble further. I questioned whether some things were my fault and what would have happened if I'd have simply stayed obedient and not gone my own way with it. I questioned why God put this person in my life to begin with, knowing it was going to lead to so much hurt and rejection. It took a long time with God to reach the point of forgiving - myself first of all, and this person for the things they'd done out of hurt and in retaliation. I had to let go all over again - though I didn't realize I'd ever reached out and latched onto it again.
God has used this whole situation as a learning tool. I have a very real visual now of what can happen when we try to take over and do things our way, or rush things along in our time not His. I learned the hard way that unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering obedience can be very hard, but it's much easier than the hurt and pain disobedience can cause.
Recently a pastor shared the verse - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29. When I heard it I thought "yep, that was my mistake a few months ago." Then I realized, I'm still making that same mistake. Every single day. I keep trying to tell people things that they should stop doing or do better. I keep pointing out flaws. That's helping no one. As I pray I'm focused on people's faults. Totally unnecessary. God is already very well-aware of all of our faults, flaws and shortcomings. He doesn't need do-good Christians to help point them out to Him. When we pray, we need to ask God to bless the people we are praying for. We need to thank Him for their good traits. We need to praise them to Him. We need to lift them up. When we talk to them or about them we need to say only things that will build them up. This world is shooting enough arrows through people's hearts. They don't need more pain. They need someone to care and help bind up the wounds. We need to guard every word that comes out of our mouths. Your words can drastically change a person's life - for better or for worse.
Are you going to be the archer? Or are you going to be the encourager?
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Keep RUNNING
You know Debbie Downer, right? She's the friend who is always complaining and finding something negative to say, even if we're right in the middle of celebrating something joyous. Someone's face popped up in your mind, didn't it? Here's a tough one for you - how many times have YOU been Debbie Downer?
We hear it all the time - choose joy, be happy, smile, let things go, it's all good... but the truth is life HURTS sometimes. It's impossible to stay happy 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - especially when we feel like we are under a full attack by the enemy. However, though we may cry, suffer, or ache for a while, we can choose to be filled with joy during those struggles.
One thing we can remember is that nothing we go through here on earth can compare with what Christ endured on the cross for us. While He was hanging there, he bore all of our sin and shame. All of it. Yours, mine, your neighbors... everyone. All at one time. God the Father had to turn His face from His child in that moment. Once we accept the gift of salvation, we can rest assured that we will never experience the pain associated with God turning His face from us. We will never endure the same level of agony that Christ then. Never.
How do we choose joy? How do we find comfort in those moments?
We turn our eyes away from the problem and towards Jesus' face. We focus on Him. Period. As we do, the distractions, the pain, the troubles - they will all fade from view. We will be completely wrapped in His loving embrace and He will carry us through the valley and up the mountain.
We must also remember we are not alone in our struggles. You are never going to be the first to go through something. There is nothing you can face that hasn't been faced by someone before. The times, locations, atmosphere, etc can change, but the root problems do not. We are all in this race together. Not one single person can finish this race until we all do. We must all cross the finish line together. Instead of racing ahead of your brothers and sisters when things are going well, slow down and come beside the, encouraging them along. Instead of throwing your hands in the air, stopping and giving up the race, call out to those in front to help. None of us are mind readers. Sometimes we may not realize that you've fallen behind or are struggling. Speak up! Don't be afraid to reach out. You'll find that many others have been right where you are and can offer you valuable insight to guide you through.
Finally, remember that God can and will bring something good out of every trial. Each difficulty becomes an opportunity for His glory to shine. Keep your eyes and ears open for the good things He wants to show you in the midst of your storms. Ask Him to open your heart to receive these blessings no matter what the circumstances around you are.
A Bible passage that has been resurfacing over and over these past few weeks is Psalm 126:5-6: Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.
Someone asked me last night why life hurts so much. I've become more comfortable answering this question over the years, but it still breaks my heart to hear so many people searching for the answer to this question. If life was easy and perfect, why would we need a Savior? If we didn't go through trials and struggles, how would we learn to trust God? To rely on Him? If He didn't help us through our lives and hold us in His arms in the tough times, how would we learn how much He loves us? How strong He is? The Bible tells us that these trials will come so that our faith will be proven genuine, and will result in praise, honor and glory when Christ returns (1 Peter 1:7). We are being tested. He wants to know our faith is genuine. He didn't promise us a life free of pain and trouble. In fact, He outright told us that we would face many trials and sorrows (John 16:33). But in James, chapter 1, He also says that He will work through these trials, and that they serve a bigger purpose.
Life is not supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to be pain-free. It's a race. Any runner will tell you that running can hurt! However, if you fix your eyes on Jesus and keep running the race with perseverance, there is a much greater joy than you could ever imagine waiting at the finish line. Did you fall down? That's okay! Get up, let Him help dust you off and heal your wounds. Then grab the hand of a fellow runner and keep moving forward. We have work to do!
We hear it all the time - choose joy, be happy, smile, let things go, it's all good... but the truth is life HURTS sometimes. It's impossible to stay happy 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - especially when we feel like we are under a full attack by the enemy. However, though we may cry, suffer, or ache for a while, we can choose to be filled with joy during those struggles.
One thing we can remember is that nothing we go through here on earth can compare with what Christ endured on the cross for us. While He was hanging there, he bore all of our sin and shame. All of it. Yours, mine, your neighbors... everyone. All at one time. God the Father had to turn His face from His child in that moment. Once we accept the gift of salvation, we can rest assured that we will never experience the pain associated with God turning His face from us. We will never endure the same level of agony that Christ then. Never.
How do we choose joy? How do we find comfort in those moments?
We turn our eyes away from the problem and towards Jesus' face. We focus on Him. Period. As we do, the distractions, the pain, the troubles - they will all fade from view. We will be completely wrapped in His loving embrace and He will carry us through the valley and up the mountain.
We must also remember we are not alone in our struggles. You are never going to be the first to go through something. There is nothing you can face that hasn't been faced by someone before. The times, locations, atmosphere, etc can change, but the root problems do not. We are all in this race together. Not one single person can finish this race until we all do. We must all cross the finish line together. Instead of racing ahead of your brothers and sisters when things are going well, slow down and come beside the, encouraging them along. Instead of throwing your hands in the air, stopping and giving up the race, call out to those in front to help. None of us are mind readers. Sometimes we may not realize that you've fallen behind or are struggling. Speak up! Don't be afraid to reach out. You'll find that many others have been right where you are and can offer you valuable insight to guide you through.
Finally, remember that God can and will bring something good out of every trial. Each difficulty becomes an opportunity for His glory to shine. Keep your eyes and ears open for the good things He wants to show you in the midst of your storms. Ask Him to open your heart to receive these blessings no matter what the circumstances around you are.
A Bible passage that has been resurfacing over and over these past few weeks is Psalm 126:5-6: Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.
Someone asked me last night why life hurts so much. I've become more comfortable answering this question over the years, but it still breaks my heart to hear so many people searching for the answer to this question. If life was easy and perfect, why would we need a Savior? If we didn't go through trials and struggles, how would we learn to trust God? To rely on Him? If He didn't help us through our lives and hold us in His arms in the tough times, how would we learn how much He loves us? How strong He is? The Bible tells us that these trials will come so that our faith will be proven genuine, and will result in praise, honor and glory when Christ returns (1 Peter 1:7). We are being tested. He wants to know our faith is genuine. He didn't promise us a life free of pain and trouble. In fact, He outright told us that we would face many trials and sorrows (John 16:33). But in James, chapter 1, He also says that He will work through these trials, and that they serve a bigger purpose.
Life is not supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to be pain-free. It's a race. Any runner will tell you that running can hurt! However, if you fix your eyes on Jesus and keep running the race with perseverance, there is a much greater joy than you could ever imagine waiting at the finish line. Did you fall down? That's okay! Get up, let Him help dust you off and heal your wounds. Then grab the hand of a fellow runner and keep moving forward. We have work to do!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:1-2
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Father's Day
There are several types of people when it comes to Father's Day.
There are those who grew up with "the best dad in the world." You know, the guy who was always there, gave great advice, taught the children everything they knew, and became (or will become) the best grandpa in the world.
There are those who grew up with a nightmare of a father. One who struggled with addictions, didn't know how to love, hurt the child physically, emotionally or sexually, etc.
There are those who grew up without a father. Either they don't know who their father is or their father left before they were born. Or, their father died early in their childhood and they never had a chance to get to know him.
There are those who grew up with a dad who was neither great nor horrible. Just your average dad. Maybe he worked a lot, or just had a distant personality. Maybe he was a great person but didn't know how to really invest in his kids' lives. Or maybe he spoiled his kids and they grew up thinking their dad should always take care of them.
Regardless of which of these categories - or any other - you fall into, tomorrow is a day set aside to honor "dad". If you don't think you have a "dad" to honor, you're wrong. There is a Father who loves you more than you could ever imagine - enough to die for you! He is a Father to the fatherless. He is perfect love, compassion, grace, truth, strength and more - all rolled up into one immeasurable package. He is there for you no matter what time it is, no matter how far you've run, or how badly you've messed up. He's there cheering you as you journey through life, and there to comfort you when you are hurting. He is the picture-perfect Father. The best dad EVER.
The best part of it is - we don't have to set aside one day a year to honor Him. We can honor this Father every minute of every day. Think about what you can "gift" to this Father. Your praise. Your obedience. Your trust. Your whole heart, mind, and strength. Your entire being. Maybe tomorrow, the best gift you could give Him is complete surrender to Him. Find a way to say "Happy Father's Day" to your eternal Father - not just tomorrow - but every day.
There are those who grew up with "the best dad in the world." You know, the guy who was always there, gave great advice, taught the children everything they knew, and became (or will become) the best grandpa in the world.
There are those who grew up with a nightmare of a father. One who struggled with addictions, didn't know how to love, hurt the child physically, emotionally or sexually, etc.
There are those who grew up without a father. Either they don't know who their father is or their father left before they were born. Or, their father died early in their childhood and they never had a chance to get to know him.
There are those who grew up with a dad who was neither great nor horrible. Just your average dad. Maybe he worked a lot, or just had a distant personality. Maybe he was a great person but didn't know how to really invest in his kids' lives. Or maybe he spoiled his kids and they grew up thinking their dad should always take care of them.
Regardless of which of these categories - or any other - you fall into, tomorrow is a day set aside to honor "dad". If you don't think you have a "dad" to honor, you're wrong. There is a Father who loves you more than you could ever imagine - enough to die for you! He is a Father to the fatherless. He is perfect love, compassion, grace, truth, strength and more - all rolled up into one immeasurable package. He is there for you no matter what time it is, no matter how far you've run, or how badly you've messed up. He's there cheering you as you journey through life, and there to comfort you when you are hurting. He is the picture-perfect Father. The best dad EVER.
The best part of it is - we don't have to set aside one day a year to honor Him. We can honor this Father every minute of every day. Think about what you can "gift" to this Father. Your praise. Your obedience. Your trust. Your whole heart, mind, and strength. Your entire being. Maybe tomorrow, the best gift you could give Him is complete surrender to Him. Find a way to say "Happy Father's Day" to your eternal Father - not just tomorrow - but every day.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Customer Service is not Dead!
Today I had two separate encounters that made me take a step back... and smile! BOTH involving customer service!! Shocking, I know!
I had three really heavy boxes to ship out to one of my sponsored families in South Dakota. I knew the rates were going to be high, so I went to a local postal connection shop I'd heard of that would send them the quickest, cheapest way possible - whether that was USPS, UPS, FedEx or DHL. I'd done my research online to see about what I should expect to pay. I didn't want to be too shocked by the price in the store!
As I arrived and began lugging the three boxes in, a middle-aged man asked if I needed any help and began drying off my boxes since it of course began raining just as I started carrying them in the door. Then he asked me for the piece of paper I had in my hand with the address. He made some small talk as he began weighing & measuring the boxes. He really seemed like a nice gentleman. What I noticed was, as other people came in the door, he seemed to know each of them by name, and was truly happy to see them. He obviously loved his job. He asked me what I was sending (to be sure I wasn't shipping something like guns or drugs I guess - like someone would admit to it if they were - but anyhow...). When I explained they were clothes & blankets & such and he noticed the name and address, he asked if it was a type of donation. I said yes, the items were going to a family I sponsored on the reservation. He didn't say anything else, just continued to label and prep the boxes for shipment. Then he transferred the information to his checkout computer to ring up the sale. He said something about "now we'll do our part" and then pushed a button. Suddenly a 10% discount on each package popped up. He'd already done his best to get me the lowest rate possible, and now he was taking it upon himself to help out even more by discounting it. When I tried to thank him he brushed it off. I walked out of the store determined that if I ever need any service they provide for the rest of the time I live here, they get my business!
So then I drove over to CVS (again) and had a frustrating time checking out. I tried to think about the positive experience I'd just had and focus on getting out of there in one piece. Daniel had asked me for a vanilla shake to help soothe his throat so I stopped at a locally-owned ice cream shop to grab one. It did not surprise me to see a teenage girl working the counter. Most teens who are going to work this summer have already started, though their skill, training and customer service are probably not quite to par yet. This young lady answers a question I had about the sizes of shakes available with a smile. Then she says "yes ma'am" when I finally decided and ordered. I'm pretty sure I stood there with my jaw hanging open. She came over with the shake and asked if I needed anything else. I ordered a pint of orange ice to keep on hand for the sickies in the family. She smiled and said "sure!" and went to get it. As she was getting the ice I asked her if she'd just started working there. She said yes - she was trying to earn some extra money this summer to help her family pay the bills. She kept talking as she got the ice. She was 16 and going to be a junior in high school in the fall. She was the oldest of 3 kids and dreamed of going to college, but needed a "money miracle" to get there. Tears welled up in my eyes and as she wasn't looking some extra bills went in the tip jar. She was so pleasant and cheerful - and very professional - especially for someone her age. As I paid and gathered up my purchase I asked her if I could get her first name. She gave it to me and I said, calling her by name, "I'll be praying for that miracle for you - and I'm sure I'll see you again this summer. Have a great evening - and thank you." I got in my car and immediately said a prayer for this girl and her family. I then came home and found the number for the manager of the store, and will be calling him tomorrow to tell him just how wonderful of an employee he hired for the summer.
As I drove home the thought occurred to me, "Maybe good customer service isn't really dead after all." Then of course came a thought from above, "What kind of customer service are you providing this world? You are here to serve Me and serve them. Are you doing a good job?" Wow... talk about hitting a soft spot. Truthfully, sometimes people just downright irritate me and I'd much rather stay in my own little corner and not come out and deal with any of them. I'd rather be the typical New Yorker and brush past people without seeming to notice they are there. I'd rather stay in my own comfortable world and avoid any contact with others.
That's not what He wants us to do. He wants us to be out there talking to people, or at least smiling at them. He wants us to encourage others. He wants us to share Him with them. We can't do that if we remain in our little bubble of solitude. We need to practice good customer service and help people realize they are each special and each a part of God's plan for this world.
I had three really heavy boxes to ship out to one of my sponsored families in South Dakota. I knew the rates were going to be high, so I went to a local postal connection shop I'd heard of that would send them the quickest, cheapest way possible - whether that was USPS, UPS, FedEx or DHL. I'd done my research online to see about what I should expect to pay. I didn't want to be too shocked by the price in the store!
As I arrived and began lugging the three boxes in, a middle-aged man asked if I needed any help and began drying off my boxes since it of course began raining just as I started carrying them in the door. Then he asked me for the piece of paper I had in my hand with the address. He made some small talk as he began weighing & measuring the boxes. He really seemed like a nice gentleman. What I noticed was, as other people came in the door, he seemed to know each of them by name, and was truly happy to see them. He obviously loved his job. He asked me what I was sending (to be sure I wasn't shipping something like guns or drugs I guess - like someone would admit to it if they were - but anyhow...). When I explained they were clothes & blankets & such and he noticed the name and address, he asked if it was a type of donation. I said yes, the items were going to a family I sponsored on the reservation. He didn't say anything else, just continued to label and prep the boxes for shipment. Then he transferred the information to his checkout computer to ring up the sale. He said something about "now we'll do our part" and then pushed a button. Suddenly a 10% discount on each package popped up. He'd already done his best to get me the lowest rate possible, and now he was taking it upon himself to help out even more by discounting it. When I tried to thank him he brushed it off. I walked out of the store determined that if I ever need any service they provide for the rest of the time I live here, they get my business!
So then I drove over to CVS (again) and had a frustrating time checking out. I tried to think about the positive experience I'd just had and focus on getting out of there in one piece. Daniel had asked me for a vanilla shake to help soothe his throat so I stopped at a locally-owned ice cream shop to grab one. It did not surprise me to see a teenage girl working the counter. Most teens who are going to work this summer have already started, though their skill, training and customer service are probably not quite to par yet. This young lady answers a question I had about the sizes of shakes available with a smile. Then she says "yes ma'am" when I finally decided and ordered. I'm pretty sure I stood there with my jaw hanging open. She came over with the shake and asked if I needed anything else. I ordered a pint of orange ice to keep on hand for the sickies in the family. She smiled and said "sure!" and went to get it. As she was getting the ice I asked her if she'd just started working there. She said yes - she was trying to earn some extra money this summer to help her family pay the bills. She kept talking as she got the ice. She was 16 and going to be a junior in high school in the fall. She was the oldest of 3 kids and dreamed of going to college, but needed a "money miracle" to get there. Tears welled up in my eyes and as she wasn't looking some extra bills went in the tip jar. She was so pleasant and cheerful - and very professional - especially for someone her age. As I paid and gathered up my purchase I asked her if I could get her first name. She gave it to me and I said, calling her by name, "I'll be praying for that miracle for you - and I'm sure I'll see you again this summer. Have a great evening - and thank you." I got in my car and immediately said a prayer for this girl and her family. I then came home and found the number for the manager of the store, and will be calling him tomorrow to tell him just how wonderful of an employee he hired for the summer.
As I drove home the thought occurred to me, "Maybe good customer service isn't really dead after all." Then of course came a thought from above, "What kind of customer service are you providing this world? You are here to serve Me and serve them. Are you doing a good job?" Wow... talk about hitting a soft spot. Truthfully, sometimes people just downright irritate me and I'd much rather stay in my own little corner and not come out and deal with any of them. I'd rather be the typical New Yorker and brush past people without seeming to notice they are there. I'd rather stay in my own comfortable world and avoid any contact with others.
That's not what He wants us to do. He wants us to be out there talking to people, or at least smiling at them. He wants us to encourage others. He wants us to share Him with them. We can't do that if we remain in our little bubble of solitude. We need to practice good customer service and help people realize they are each special and each a part of God's plan for this world.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Please just carry me...
Yesterday both boys had to stay home from school again because they were sick. Again. One had a 104.4 fever at one point and the other got as high as 103.7. Never a fun thing for a mom. Both came out to the couch and were laying there watching TV for a while. Emma, of course, couldn't figure out what was going on and kept trying to get their attention. Finally, she came over to me and "climbed" up me like a little monkey. She just wanted to be held. Fine with me. We sat rocking for a while until she got bored of that and went to play again. Both boys had fallen asleep on the couch and she decided to climb on them. Patrick didn't take too kindly to being wakened with a foot on his face. So I told the boys to move back into their room to sleep so Emma wouldn't keep climbing all over them. Patrick looked at me and said, "I don't think I can walk. Will you carry me?" I don't know when my teeny tiny boy turned into a tall, heavy, 6 year-old, but I still was able to comply. I then carried Daniel to bed and both boys slept the morning away. Emma wasn't far behind them to take her nap too.
Later, Emma called for me to come & get her. Normally I can pick her up out of her crib and put her down, and she'll just take off running. Not yesterday. I put her down and she held up her little arms and began opening & closing her little fists for me to pick her up. So I picked her up and carried her back to the rocker. We sat and cuddled for a while until the boys got up.
The three of them alternated between watching TV, reading a book and sleeping for the rest of the day. Each time the Motrin wore off and the fever came back, the boys wanted more of Mommy's TLC. Each time the boys slept, Emma demanded more cuddles and attention. I really didn't mind any of it. I enjoyed the extra snuggles with my way-too-quickly-growing children. I just really didn't like seeing my boys suffer with being sick.
Just before their normal bedtime, both boys were ready to sleep again - this time for the night. We got the Motrin in them and washed them off. As I said "OK - off to bed" Daniel looked up at me and said "Will you please just carry me?" Once again I found myself carrying a sick child down the hall to his bed. This time, though, I had the thought, "Who's going to carry ME? I am so tired and so worn and so weary and so... wait! Someone IS carrying me! God has been carrying me up this mountain for weeks now. Otherwise I'd still be in a heap at the bottom of the mountain looking up towards the peak saying 'I can't, I can't'."
As I felt the reassurance of His tender love and care washing over me again, I sensed another tug at my heart. Pictures of a little boy in South Dakota flooded my mind. I wondered if he was being held and carried anymore, and determined it was past time for a phone call to check in on my little buddy. I thought about a young preteen girl I've counseled, and the struggles she's going through. I wondered if she was still feeling held and carried through the storm. Images of some little children displaced by the recent months of tornadoes across the country rushed in. I prayed that they would feel sheltered in His arms, though their earthly shelter and all of their possessions were gone. I longed to be in 10 places at once, so I could give each kid I was thinking of a great big hug and reassure them that it was going to be ok. SO much hurt right now in so many young lives. So much pain... so much suffering... and I could only be here, helping the kiddos closest to me through their current hurt. I couldn't be everywhere, but I knew Someone who could. Thousands of aching hearts, but One Savior who can carry us all. One Savior who can wrap His arms around each and every one of us at the same time. One Savior who can fully consume each and every one of our hearts, minds and souls... if we'll just allow Him.
The heart-wrenching images flashing through my mind became replaced with images of Christ holding each child close to Him, easing the hurts with a peace and comfort that only He can provide. I went to bed reassured that all was right... because God is still on the throne and He still reigns. I will do my part and reach out and encourage those I can. I will even stretch myself to reach further than I thought I could. If I can't go I will help support those who can. But, no matter what, I will rest in the knowledge that even if I can't reach someone... He can.
Lord Jesus, please keep carrying us up these mountains and through these valleys. Let us rest in the comfort of the shelter of Your arms and trust that You are still greater than all that is in or of this world. Help us reach out to those who don't feel Your presence, and allow us to be a light for You, comforting them and encouraging them. Lord, please, just carry us all.
Later, Emma called for me to come & get her. Normally I can pick her up out of her crib and put her down, and she'll just take off running. Not yesterday. I put her down and she held up her little arms and began opening & closing her little fists for me to pick her up. So I picked her up and carried her back to the rocker. We sat and cuddled for a while until the boys got up.
The three of them alternated between watching TV, reading a book and sleeping for the rest of the day. Each time the Motrin wore off and the fever came back, the boys wanted more of Mommy's TLC. Each time the boys slept, Emma demanded more cuddles and attention. I really didn't mind any of it. I enjoyed the extra snuggles with my way-too-quickly-growing children. I just really didn't like seeing my boys suffer with being sick.
Just before their normal bedtime, both boys were ready to sleep again - this time for the night. We got the Motrin in them and washed them off. As I said "OK - off to bed" Daniel looked up at me and said "Will you please just carry me?" Once again I found myself carrying a sick child down the hall to his bed. This time, though, I had the thought, "Who's going to carry ME? I am so tired and so worn and so weary and so... wait! Someone IS carrying me! God has been carrying me up this mountain for weeks now. Otherwise I'd still be in a heap at the bottom of the mountain looking up towards the peak saying 'I can't, I can't'."
As I felt the reassurance of His tender love and care washing over me again, I sensed another tug at my heart. Pictures of a little boy in South Dakota flooded my mind. I wondered if he was being held and carried anymore, and determined it was past time for a phone call to check in on my little buddy. I thought about a young preteen girl I've counseled, and the struggles she's going through. I wondered if she was still feeling held and carried through the storm. Images of some little children displaced by the recent months of tornadoes across the country rushed in. I prayed that they would feel sheltered in His arms, though their earthly shelter and all of their possessions were gone. I longed to be in 10 places at once, so I could give each kid I was thinking of a great big hug and reassure them that it was going to be ok. SO much hurt right now in so many young lives. So much pain... so much suffering... and I could only be here, helping the kiddos closest to me through their current hurt. I couldn't be everywhere, but I knew Someone who could. Thousands of aching hearts, but One Savior who can carry us all. One Savior who can wrap His arms around each and every one of us at the same time. One Savior who can fully consume each and every one of our hearts, minds and souls... if we'll just allow Him.
The heart-wrenching images flashing through my mind became replaced with images of Christ holding each child close to Him, easing the hurts with a peace and comfort that only He can provide. I went to bed reassured that all was right... because God is still on the throne and He still reigns. I will do my part and reach out and encourage those I can. I will even stretch myself to reach further than I thought I could. If I can't go I will help support those who can. But, no matter what, I will rest in the knowledge that even if I can't reach someone... He can.
Lord Jesus, please keep carrying us up these mountains and through these valleys. Let us rest in the comfort of the shelter of Your arms and trust that You are still greater than all that is in or of this world. Help us reach out to those who don't feel Your presence, and allow us to be a light for You, comforting them and encouraging them. Lord, please, just carry us all.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
My constant prayer of thanksgiving to the God of infinite wisdom, wonder, amazement, grace, mercy and love
When will I ever learn?
When will I ever stop doubting?
When will I ever grasp how infinite
how incredible
how awesome
is Your love?
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
You weren't taking anything from me
You were preparing me for an unexpected blessing
You weren't keeping me from things I thought important in Your plan
You were creating a beautiful addition along the path
Lord, I couldn't have known
but I could have trusted
I couldn't have imagined
but I could have expected
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
There aren't words enough to express
my thankfulness for this
Unforeseen by me
but ordained long ago by You
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
Thank You, Father
Thank You
that
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
---------------------------------------
This is obviously not my normal blog writing. As I sat trying to put words to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions at this moment, there were just the words above - over and over. So - I thought - why not just put those words to paper? Too bad I'm not musical... then it could be a song! LOL For now (and probably forever) - it's just my constant prayer of thanksgiving to the God of infinite wisdom, wonder, amazement, grace, mercy and love.
When will I ever stop doubting?
When will I ever grasp how infinite
how incredible
how awesome
is Your love?
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
You weren't taking anything from me
You were preparing me for an unexpected blessing
You weren't keeping me from things I thought important in Your plan
You were creating a beautiful addition along the path
Lord, I couldn't have known
but I could have trusted
I couldn't have imagined
but I could have expected
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
There aren't words enough to express
my thankfulness for this
Unforeseen by me
but ordained long ago by You
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
Thank You, Father
Thank You
that
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more
---------------------------------------
This is obviously not my normal blog writing. As I sat trying to put words to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions at this moment, there were just the words above - over and over. So - I thought - why not just put those words to paper? Too bad I'm not musical... then it could be a song! LOL For now (and probably forever) - it's just my constant prayer of thanksgiving to the God of infinite wisdom, wonder, amazement, grace, mercy and love.
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