Everyone was up at 6:30 as we'd discussed last night. By 7:00, I was the only one ready to go out the door and was wrestling the not-used-often-enough bike rack onto the car. Got the rack on, then realized the boys' bikes wouldn't rest correctly on the rack. Got the rack back off. Rearranged the seats in the van. Stuck all 4 kids' bikes in the back. At 7:40 we finally left for Cades Cove - 40 minutes after plan. Still doable. We knew we had to leave Cades Cove no later than 10:30 for the girls to get back in time for a birthday party. I readjusted my run plans. No big deal.
We had an uneventful drive to Cades Cove. Then we arrived to find the road wasn't closed to automobiles. Big hesitation. Then we unload the bikes from the car. Emma's has a flat - the tube had a huge hole in in. Great. She began crying because she didn't want to go if she couldn't ride her bike. Abby starts crying because she wanted to start riding her bike and get going. The boys were trying to corral Abby while I calmed Emma. Thoughts of just running and not looking back crossed my mind. Seriously. We started out and got 0.2 of a mile before Don had a meltdown. The cars driving by just pushed way too many stressor buttons for him. It wasn't pretty. We gave up on the bike/run through Cades Cove. We turned around and went back to the car. We drove into Townsend, thinking we'd just use the greenway. As we parked at Apple Valley, the boys decided they didn't want to ride. I threw my hands in the air and the kids in the car, and we went to the Little River Co to grab the last of the pumpkin fudge for the season. They weren't open for another 10 minutes, so my kids hit the KOA playground and I took a few minutes to just breathe. When the store opened, I grabbed our fudge (hey Tahoe team - there's some packed in my suitcase for you!!) and headed home.
There was a traffic jam on the way home - not too bad - but enough to make me wonder if we'd make the birthday party after all of this. We got home around 11:15. We needed to leave by 12:15 and everyone needed showers, the girls needed princess dresses on, and hair & makeup done. At 12:35 we finally left for the party. Driving in I thought I was lost - but once we arrived it more than made up for the chaos of the morning. Watching 30 little dazzling princesses dance and sing and giggle - and dance and sing and giggle some more - was just what I needed. Hanging out with mom friends and catching up was icing on the cake.
So, no run today. Part of me wants to feel a bit stressed because I know I now have just 15 days until race day and I am nowhere near ready. But part of me thought about the fact that I got to drive to Cades Cove, spend some time with my kids with no technology involved, got to refill the pumpkin fudge stash (come on - there are priorities in life - especially in the fall), my kids got to play for a bit in the sunshine with some other kids, and we get to watch my Hokies play ball tonight. We had a beautiful drive. We got to attend an amazing party. We had some down time. In the big picture - we had nothing to complain about today. Yes - there's always that huge elephant in our room breathing down our necks - but sometimes we just have to ignore it and do life despite it. And - there's always tomorrow - at least we pray so. I can get up at the crack of dawn and go run before my little monkeys ever open their sleepy eyes or roll out of bed. Things have not gone as planned over this entire past year of working towards this race. Why should this weekend have been any different?? Just going with the flow on this journey means adapting to all of the bends in the river and not panicking at the waterfalls. If I just keep going and don't think about it, I might even find myself enjoying the scenery.
I know this isn't the glowing post-long run post some of you were expecting - but it's reality - my reality - and just the way it's been going. I just have to smile and take it for what it is and keep going. Sometimes I even just have to laugh about it. Sometimes being real isn't all Facebook smileys and likes/loves. Life gets in the way of running sometimes - but running should never become so important that I miss out on life with my family and whatever time we have left together. Finding the balance is hard - especially with such an athletic-driven, competitive mindset, and a deep desire to do something for someone else. But finding the balance is essential. After all, this plan isn't mine. It's His. So today didn't go as planned. I'll take that to mean He had something more important in mind - and that's absolutely fine with me.
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Just two more
The early conversation went something along the lines of...
I'm going to go get you breakfast and then I'm going to go for a run when I get back.
Um, mom, you just walked 7 1/2 miles yesterday. Are you sure you should be running today?
Yeah, mom, why are you running today if you just went yesterday?
I promise it's going to be really short today - I just need to get some actual run time in.
Um. Oookkaaayyyy. (Said with a look that clearly shouted you are insane!)
Bye Mommy!
25 minutes later... wow! That really was fast! We're still eating.
Go mom!
So, maybe I was a little crazy this morning. I was a little sore from yesterday, but I knew I had to push to keep my lungs going strong. So, I set out with one objective - go run up the hill at the park. That's all. No big deal. My legs begged to differ and my lungs reminded me I need to get some speed workouts and hill workouts in the mix. But - up the hill I went.
Some photos from the park - these images are not my own. I'm so blessed to have such a great place to run down the block from my house. Very thankful.
Considering that the 1st mile was 100% uphill, I will not berate myself over the 13:09 it took me to complete it. I made up for it on the 100% downhill 2nd mile. I managed to do that one in 11:09. The whole time I was longing for the crisp, cool, fall mornings that are evading us so far. It has been in the upper 80s and humid - making running very sluggish and painful. On the bright side - the weather forecast for next weekend in Cades Cove is identical to the 10 day forecast in South Lake Tahoe - so I'll get one last long training run in under the same type of conditions I'll be racing in (hopefully).
Just a little update from last week's blog - I have had a lot of emails and phone calls regarding my post on the 17th about why I'm running. Many of you have encouraged me to talk to Jason and share this with him. Several of you have voiced your concern about the safety of me choosing to do this run. I have spoken with Jason, and he is now aware of what I'm attempting to do and why. He was 1000% supportive and very encouraging. While it makes me feel even more pressured now to actually cross the finish line (pressure from myself - not him), the conversation reassured me more than anything, and gave me even more determination to get out there and do this. As far as my safety and the "medical sanity" (I loved that term Mickey!) of me doing this run - my doctors know I am very in tune with my body and very aware when things are not the way they should be. Right now I am feeling better than I thought I would at this point. I continue to struggle with the nausea and inability to eat well, but it isn't affecting my runs or long walks. I do better snacking throughout the day and not attempting to eat big meals. The numbness and pain when I run has not been nearly as bad as it has been in the past. The fact that I'm able to continue through it and not have to stop is immensely reassuring. I haven't had any headaches while running, and nothing during my runs has caused me any concern. I get tired and sore - just like any other runner - but my medical issues have not created any problems in the past two weeks of running or walking - even at the longer distances. My ankle is holding up well now - even without a brace or compression sock on. It doesn't bother me to run on it. I'm careful about resting it on the off days and icing it after the run days. I am surrounded by all kinds of personal trainers, coaches, and physical therapists every day, and have lots of resources available if I need them. So, while I appreciate and understand everyone's concerns, I'm okay right now, and my doctors are (somewhat) okay with me attempting this. We have some emergency plans in place - just in case - and I know when to say that's it - end of the line - and when to stop. I promise I won't do anything to put myself, my kids, my teammates or anyone else in jeopardy. :) I also have a fall-back plan. If I wake up race morning and know 13.1 isn't happening - I have the opportunity to drop down to the 10K or even the 5K if I have to. So - no matter what - I'll be okay.
Speaking of the past two weeks of running and walking - I have logged 32 miles during these two weeks!! I can't remember ever doing that! What's even cooler is that when I looked at the log today, I realized that exactly 13.25 of those miles have been running! SO - I've already done a half-marathon!! Yay me! It only took me two weeks!! :) Now I just need to do all of those miles on one day - preferably in less than 3 hours - not over a two week span of time. No problem! Right?? RIGHT?!
Seriously, Tahoe is going to be here before we know it. I can't predict what's going to happen on race day. I can only hope and pray that God gives me the strength and endurance I need to finish and reach that elusive goal. I just want to honor Him every step of the way and be a light to those around me. I don't know what the future has in store - but what I DO know about the race weekend is that I'm going to be with some of my favorite people, in my favorite place on earth, doing something that I'm passionate about, and having a great time while there doing it. I'm praying that my race motivates many of you to give to our feature charities - Wears Valley Ranch and the Family Crisis Center of Great Bend. Visit http://www.youcaring.com/carerunners to donate. I hope race day goes perfectly, and that I cross the finish line with a smile on my face and thanking God the entire time. But, if for some reason I can't or don't get to finish, or even run, I'll still be thanking God for this journey He set my feet on and for the lessons learned along the way. I'll especially be thanking Him for the incredible people He's placed in my life for this time and place. You guys are the best. I can't thank you enough. And Jason - not sure if you will ever see this - but thank you again. I don't think I could ever adequately convey how much I appreciate that conversation.
Finally, before I log off here, I wanted to let you know that I have been once again named an official race ambassador for the Blue Ridge Marathon - Anthem Star 10K in Roanoke on April 21, 2017.
Stay tuned to this blog for more information, discount codes, giveaways and more. If you'd like to learn more about the toughest road races in America, please visit http://www.blueridgemarathon.com. If you are in Roanoke that weekend, come on out to Elmwood Park and say hi. Better yet, come run with me!! If you can't be in Roanoke, follow along here!
There's also talk of another big race in Tahoe in June... I can't say too much right now - but go visit http://www.epictahoe.com if you want a sneak peek. ;) I'll talk more about that AFTER the Lake Tahoe Marathon weekend next month.
Enjoy your Sunday. Go out and do something active. Challenge yourself to try something new. Whatever you decide to do, go be a light while doing it! You never know who you are inspiring or what impact you are having on those around you. Shine brightly for Him!
"You have the greatest impact on those you never knew were watching or listening." (Me)
I'm going to go get you breakfast and then I'm going to go for a run when I get back.
Um, mom, you just walked 7 1/2 miles yesterday. Are you sure you should be running today?
Yeah, mom, why are you running today if you just went yesterday?
I promise it's going to be really short today - I just need to get some actual run time in.
Um. Oookkaaayyyy. (Said with a look that clearly shouted you are insane!)
Bye Mommy!
25 minutes later... wow! That really was fast! We're still eating.
Go mom!
So, maybe I was a little crazy this morning. I was a little sore from yesterday, but I knew I had to push to keep my lungs going strong. So, I set out with one objective - go run up the hill at the park. That's all. No big deal. My legs begged to differ and my lungs reminded me I need to get some speed workouts and hill workouts in the mix. But - up the hill I went.
Some photos from the park - these images are not my own. I'm so blessed to have such a great place to run down the block from my house. Very thankful.
Just a little update from last week's blog - I have had a lot of emails and phone calls regarding my post on the 17th about why I'm running. Many of you have encouraged me to talk to Jason and share this with him. Several of you have voiced your concern about the safety of me choosing to do this run. I have spoken with Jason, and he is now aware of what I'm attempting to do and why. He was 1000% supportive and very encouraging. While it makes me feel even more pressured now to actually cross the finish line (pressure from myself - not him), the conversation reassured me more than anything, and gave me even more determination to get out there and do this. As far as my safety and the "medical sanity" (I loved that term Mickey!) of me doing this run - my doctors know I am very in tune with my body and very aware when things are not the way they should be. Right now I am feeling better than I thought I would at this point. I continue to struggle with the nausea and inability to eat well, but it isn't affecting my runs or long walks. I do better snacking throughout the day and not attempting to eat big meals. The numbness and pain when I run has not been nearly as bad as it has been in the past. The fact that I'm able to continue through it and not have to stop is immensely reassuring. I haven't had any headaches while running, and nothing during my runs has caused me any concern. I get tired and sore - just like any other runner - but my medical issues have not created any problems in the past two weeks of running or walking - even at the longer distances. My ankle is holding up well now - even without a brace or compression sock on. It doesn't bother me to run on it. I'm careful about resting it on the off days and icing it after the run days. I am surrounded by all kinds of personal trainers, coaches, and physical therapists every day, and have lots of resources available if I need them. So, while I appreciate and understand everyone's concerns, I'm okay right now, and my doctors are (somewhat) okay with me attempting this. We have some emergency plans in place - just in case - and I know when to say that's it - end of the line - and when to stop. I promise I won't do anything to put myself, my kids, my teammates or anyone else in jeopardy. :) I also have a fall-back plan. If I wake up race morning and know 13.1 isn't happening - I have the opportunity to drop down to the 10K or even the 5K if I have to. So - no matter what - I'll be okay.
Speaking of the past two weeks of running and walking - I have logged 32 miles during these two weeks!! I can't remember ever doing that! What's even cooler is that when I looked at the log today, I realized that exactly 13.25 of those miles have been running! SO - I've already done a half-marathon!! Yay me! It only took me two weeks!! :) Now I just need to do all of those miles on one day - preferably in less than 3 hours - not over a two week span of time. No problem! Right?? RIGHT?!
Seriously, Tahoe is going to be here before we know it. I can't predict what's going to happen on race day. I can only hope and pray that God gives me the strength and endurance I need to finish and reach that elusive goal. I just want to honor Him every step of the way and be a light to those around me. I don't know what the future has in store - but what I DO know about the race weekend is that I'm going to be with some of my favorite people, in my favorite place on earth, doing something that I'm passionate about, and having a great time while there doing it. I'm praying that my race motivates many of you to give to our feature charities - Wears Valley Ranch and the Family Crisis Center of Great Bend. Visit http://www.youcaring.com/carerunners to donate. I hope race day goes perfectly, and that I cross the finish line with a smile on my face and thanking God the entire time. But, if for some reason I can't or don't get to finish, or even run, I'll still be thanking God for this journey He set my feet on and for the lessons learned along the way. I'll especially be thanking Him for the incredible people He's placed in my life for this time and place. You guys are the best. I can't thank you enough. And Jason - not sure if you will ever see this - but thank you again. I don't think I could ever adequately convey how much I appreciate that conversation.
Finally, before I log off here, I wanted to let you know that I have been once again named an official race ambassador for the Blue Ridge Marathon - Anthem Star 10K in Roanoke on April 21, 2017.
There's also talk of another big race in Tahoe in June... I can't say too much right now - but go visit http://www.epictahoe.com if you want a sneak peek. ;) I'll talk more about that AFTER the Lake Tahoe Marathon weekend next month.
Enjoy your Sunday. Go out and do something active. Challenge yourself to try something new. Whatever you decide to do, go be a light while doing it! You never know who you are inspiring or what impact you are having on those around you. Shine brightly for Him!
"You have the greatest impact on those you never knew were watching or listening." (Me)
Saturday, September 23, 2017
She said this was FUN! LOL
Today I had a goal - get in as close to 8 miles as I could. The time and pace did not matter. The location did not matter. All I wanted was to go further. I gave an open invitation for friends to join me for motivation. Only one was brave enough to jump right in, but she asked that we walk, not run. Fine by me!!
We set out at 7:30 this morning. We started at a brisk pace and kept it going. We had no clue where we were going. A few times it turned comical as we stared at giant hills in front of us and thought, "What on earth are we DOING?! Is there another route option?" We just kept going forward as quick as we could, and talking just as fast. The conversation certainly made the miles go by much quicker.
Around mile 3.5 I got the ever-familiar numbness in my foot and it traveled up my entire left side until my face was numb. I kept moving. It wasn't nearly as painful as it has been in the past. {By mile 6, I didn't even notice it anymore. Of course, by then my whole body was tired and aching. But, still.}
We took a super-short break at 4 miles, then headed into my neighborhood. I was thankful for the familiar route that I didn't have to think much about. We continued talking as fast as we were walking, and plugging away at the miles. By miles 6 we were both really tired, but I felt good enough. In the back of my mind was the nagging, "how I am ever going to RUN these miles, and how am I ever going to do 13 of them?!" But, for the moment, I was just thankful that I felt okay enough to go these miles today.
My awesome friend had brought some almonds with her on the walk. I made a mental note to buy a bag when we get to Tahoe. Just a handful was all I needed mid-run to keep the energy up. Highly recommend.
As we neared my house I began thanking my friend for coming with me, and she said, "this was fun!" I cracked up. I couldn't help it. Fun? That IS what we call this, right?? Despite the humor and thinking how "not fun" 13 miles was sounding, I did truly appreciate the company and friendship on the walk today.
We made it back to my house and our GPS watches showed we'd gone 7.4 miles. We also did pretty great considering the massive hills - keeping between a 16 and 18 minute pace. I felt like I COULD have run a lot of the miles today, and I felt like I could keep going if I had to. I decided that ending feeling that way was a good thing. Next weekend's long run could be an entirely different story. Three weeks from now, I just hope and pray I can still walk across the finish line and be able to walk after the race!
I'm still a little unsure about Tahoe, and I'm still really glad for the mostly downhill race, our cabin being smack in the middle of the race route (can you say snacks, real bathrooms, and cold water?), and knowing I won't be there alone. Trying to focus on all of the positives, but in the back of my head is still that super-loud, annoying voice asking, "What are you doing?!" "Why?!" At least now I have the, "This was fun!" to remember, smile at, and use to quiet that annoying voice. Again, I am so thankful for each of you who have come alongside me during this journey. Today, I'm especially thankful for you, Valerie, and the fact that, without hesitation, you just said hey, let's do this and let's finish this. I'm also very thankful for you, Donna, being here to watch the kids so I could take a couple of hours to try to get these miles in! This race is most assuredly not going to be an individual accomplishment. You will all have earned that medal long before I have mine in hand!
We set out at 7:30 this morning. We started at a brisk pace and kept it going. We had no clue where we were going. A few times it turned comical as we stared at giant hills in front of us and thought, "What on earth are we DOING?! Is there another route option?" We just kept going forward as quick as we could, and talking just as fast. The conversation certainly made the miles go by much quicker.
Around mile 3.5 I got the ever-familiar numbness in my foot and it traveled up my entire left side until my face was numb. I kept moving. It wasn't nearly as painful as it has been in the past. {By mile 6, I didn't even notice it anymore. Of course, by then my whole body was tired and aching. But, still.}
We took a super-short break at 4 miles, then headed into my neighborhood. I was thankful for the familiar route that I didn't have to think much about. We continued talking as fast as we were walking, and plugging away at the miles. By miles 6 we were both really tired, but I felt good enough. In the back of my mind was the nagging, "how I am ever going to RUN these miles, and how am I ever going to do 13 of them?!" But, for the moment, I was just thankful that I felt okay enough to go these miles today.
My awesome friend had brought some almonds with her on the walk. I made a mental note to buy a bag when we get to Tahoe. Just a handful was all I needed mid-run to keep the energy up. Highly recommend.
As we neared my house I began thanking my friend for coming with me, and she said, "this was fun!" I cracked up. I couldn't help it. Fun? That IS what we call this, right?? Despite the humor and thinking how "not fun" 13 miles was sounding, I did truly appreciate the company and friendship on the walk today.
We made it back to my house and our GPS watches showed we'd gone 7.4 miles. We also did pretty great considering the massive hills - keeping between a 16 and 18 minute pace. I felt like I COULD have run a lot of the miles today, and I felt like I could keep going if I had to. I decided that ending feeling that way was a good thing. Next weekend's long run could be an entirely different story. Three weeks from now, I just hope and pray I can still walk across the finish line and be able to walk after the race!
I'm still a little unsure about Tahoe, and I'm still really glad for the mostly downhill race, our cabin being smack in the middle of the race route (can you say snacks, real bathrooms, and cold water?), and knowing I won't be there alone. Trying to focus on all of the positives, but in the back of my head is still that super-loud, annoying voice asking, "What are you doing?!" "Why?!" At least now I have the, "This was fun!" to remember, smile at, and use to quiet that annoying voice. Again, I am so thankful for each of you who have come alongside me during this journey. Today, I'm especially thankful for you, Valerie, and the fact that, without hesitation, you just said hey, let's do this and let's finish this. I'm also very thankful for you, Donna, being here to watch the kids so I could take a couple of hours to try to get these miles in! This race is most assuredly not going to be an individual accomplishment. You will all have earned that medal long before I have mine in hand!
Sunday, September 17, 2017
WHY?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I have been asked the question "WHY?" in the past 9 months.
"You're crazy! Why would you want to put yourself through that?"
"Why? Didn't the doctors tell you not to?"
"Why do it for someone else?"
"Why run? Can't you just do something easier?"
"Why would you fly 2000 miles to run a race?"
"Why do what they say is impossible?"
"Why would you risk making things worse?"
"Why a half-marathon? Couldn't you just do another 10K?"
I don't expect anyone to understand. I have explained it before and I know people just don't get it. But, I have been asked several times to explain why I am attempting a half-marathon again after 4 years of "retirement" from them and why this particular race for this particular reason. So, I will try to explain.
Meet Jason.
Jason is the director of Epic Tahoe Adventures and someone who was just plain awesome to our team when we were in Tahoe 3 years ago for race weekend. Jason and his team have been asking since then for our group to come and run their Rock Tahoe race in June. Each year I answered with the same response - I'd love to, but I'm not allowed to run half-marathons anymore. If you add a 10K, I'm there. But I can't do a half. Each year I watch race weekend news get posted with amazing photos and wish I could be there.
Last September, Jason and his crew held a test run for a future race. He invited a couple of our team members to apply to be a part. I knew I couldn't even try, with the dates and the finances involved. But, one of our girls was selected to go, and we were all so excited about it. We were hanging onto every detail, and couldn't wait to see pictures and hear more. Our first update once the event began was NOT what we expected. We learned there had been a serious accident involving one of the RVs and that Jason and Natalie, along with a couple of others, were injured. When a friend who lived in Tahoe sent me photos from the news, I was horrified. It still isn't easy to look at.
Article about the accident:
http://www.tahoedailytribune.com/news/crime-fire/five-injured-in-car-accident-down-kingsbury-grade/
I spent a long time emailing back and forth with friends in the area and our runner who was there. My heart was heavy and I wasn't sure what I could do, other than pray.
I followed the news updates on Facebook, and checked in with Jess from Epic Tahoe when I could.
September 24, 2016:
We are heartbroken to confirm, as many of you may have heard, that a number of ETA runners and staff, including our Chief Officer of Awesomeness Jason Collin and his wife Natalie, were testing the running route for an upcoming event yesterday when the RV in which they were traveling was involved in a serious accident on Kingsbury Grade. Our hearts, minds, and entire focus continues to be with those involved or injured. We will be posting further information on the condition of Jason and the others as soon as it becomes available.
Those first steps also made me realize one thing - even though he knew nothing about what I was doing, I had to keep my end of the bargain. I had to do the half. There was no option to quit or give up.
By March 2017, I knew Jason was going to be fine. But, it wasn't an excuse to not finish what I started. I heard from Jason in June, and let him know that I was going to be in Tahoe for the race weekend in October, and said I hoped to catch up with Natalie and him while I was in town, but didn't really go into detail about the race plans.
My closest friend/coach and my boys have all asked me why I haven't told Jason what I was doing or why I was doing it. It's hard to explain and it's difficult for me to open up and say this. I know and have known that this very well could be impossible for me. I could be really sick again the week of or the morning of the race. I could have a relapse and be unable to run or even walk. I could start the race and end up causing things to be much worse and end up not being able to finish. Or worse. I don't want to ever get anyone's hopes up and then disappoint them or let them down. If I told him what I was doing and then on race day couldn't do it - I'd feel horrible. So, in my mind, right or wrong, it's best to just not say anything until afterwards, if at all.
On top of that, I have never and still never want anyone to feel sorry for me or show me any sympathy. I am here and alive - which is far more than many of my friends from Ground Zero can say. I am walking and running - which is far more than some of my friends battling terminal illnesses or lifelong disabilities can say. I am healthy enough to be able to go out and do something - which is more than my friends battling cancer can say right now. I cannot and will not complain. When I do - my friends who know the details of my life refuse to let me stay there and refuse to let me continue on the complaint train. I appreciate their toughness more than I could ever express. With their help - I will not refuse to do what I can do to bring awareness and support to the charities I run for. I will not stop. I can't stop.
I'm also very aware of the fact that one day I may be one of those people who can't run another step. But until that day comes, I refuse to say I can't anymore. I refuse to not try. I'm very afraid that the day I give up and stop running is the day my medical issues win and the day I lose more than just the ability to run. It takes people like Jason who have that never give up, positive attitude to inspire me sometimes. Life knocks you down? Get up and fight back. It takes watching people who are at their lowest never blink in despair, but just get out there and do what needs to be done, to get me past the doubts and fears that creep into my life. I need these people in my life and am incredibly thankful for them. I wish I could take all of their hurts and heartaches out there with me and pound them into the pavement as I run, to make things easier for them. While I can't "fix" any of their situations, I can use my situation to bring light and help to them. I can use my running to be a light in the dark times. I can use these races to show God's love, grace, and mercy to hurting people. As long as I can take a step, I will keep going. For Jason, Morgan E, Kristan & Jay, Melissa, Deon & his siblings, Heidi, Barbara, Shelley & her daughter, Nancy, RC, Crystal, Corinne, Sandy's family, Tina and her daughter Katelyn, Janet's granddaughter, my students, family and friends of Morgan H and others who never came home, and many more friends battling demons bigger than mine. Thank you all for inspiring me and keeping me going.
"You're crazy! Why would you want to put yourself through that?"
"Why? Didn't the doctors tell you not to?"
"Why do it for someone else?"
"Why run? Can't you just do something easier?"
"Why would you fly 2000 miles to run a race?"
"Why do what they say is impossible?"
"Why would you risk making things worse?"
"Why a half-marathon? Couldn't you just do another 10K?"
I don't expect anyone to understand. I have explained it before and I know people just don't get it. But, I have been asked several times to explain why I am attempting a half-marathon again after 4 years of "retirement" from them and why this particular race for this particular reason. So, I will try to explain.
Meet Jason.
Jason is the director of Epic Tahoe Adventures and someone who was just plain awesome to our team when we were in Tahoe 3 years ago for race weekend. Jason and his team have been asking since then for our group to come and run their Rock Tahoe race in June. Each year I answered with the same response - I'd love to, but I'm not allowed to run half-marathons anymore. If you add a 10K, I'm there. But I can't do a half. Each year I watch race weekend news get posted with amazing photos and wish I could be there.
Last September, Jason and his crew held a test run for a future race. He invited a couple of our team members to apply to be a part. I knew I couldn't even try, with the dates and the finances involved. But, one of our girls was selected to go, and we were all so excited about it. We were hanging onto every detail, and couldn't wait to see pictures and hear more. Our first update once the event began was NOT what we expected. We learned there had been a serious accident involving one of the RVs and that Jason and Natalie, along with a couple of others, were injured. When a friend who lived in Tahoe sent me photos from the news, I was horrified. It still isn't easy to look at.
Article about the accident:
http://www.tahoedailytribune.com/news/crime-fire/five-injured-in-car-accident-down-kingsbury-grade/
I spent a long time emailing back and forth with friends in the area and our runner who was there. My heart was heavy and I wasn't sure what I could do, other than pray.
I followed the news updates on Facebook, and checked in with Jess from Epic Tahoe when I could.
September 24, 2016:
We are heartbroken to confirm, as many of you may have heard, that a number of ETA runners and staff, including our Chief Officer of Awesomeness Jason Collin and his wife Natalie, were testing the running route for an upcoming event yesterday when the RV in which they were traveling was involved in a serious accident on Kingsbury Grade. Our hearts, minds, and entire focus continues to be with those involved or injured. We will be posting further information on the condition of Jason and the others as soon as it becomes available.
Update on Jason Collin:
Jason sustained serious injuries in the crash yesterday resulting in both legs being broken and shattered in various places from the knee down. He has had 2 successful surgeries so far and has one more scheduled for Monday. He is in excellent spirits and is recovering well and will hopefully be released next week. His wife Natalie also broke a finger in the accident but was treated and released yesterday, and is by Jason's side. The Collin family appreciates the outpouring of support and love the community has shown.
Four days after the accident, I had a huge relief when I checked in on Facebook.
September 28, 2016:
September 28, 2016:
We are so excited that Jason is headed home from the hospital today!
Around that same time, I felt a nagging about the number of times I'd told Jason I couldn't run a half anymore. I realized he could have been injured so badly that running would never be possible again for him. I also knew I had been letting others dictate what was and was not possible for me again. I knew at that moment, while I was continuing to pray for his full recovery, I was going to find a way to run a half again - for him. If he could walk and then run again after this, I was going to prove the doctors wrong yet again and do what they told me was impossible. I knew my God was greater than any diagnosis or doctor's prediction and that there was nothing impossible in my life. I was going to run a half again. I knew in all reality, even with a miracle, there was no way I could be ready by the June Rock Tahoe date, and I was already committed to the Lake Tahoe Marathon Weekend for 2017. Financially, I couldn't do both. I desperately wanted my first half back to be in Tahoe, for numerous reasons. I just couldn't make it work so that it ended up being the Rock Tahoe event. So, I decided I would change my LTM registration from the 10K to the half, and set out to do what I'd been told couldn't be done.
It was rough going. My fall races were not easy. I was struggling to do 5Ks. I was having issue after issue with my medical problems. I was questioning my sanity about committing to a half-marathon again after swearing I never would after the last one almost killed me. I knew the doctors had a point. I knew I was pushing it and putting myself at risk. But, I had to keep trying. I had the support of my incredible teammates and was standing on my faith and my God to get me through. When the doubts rushed in, all I had to do is look at that photo of the accident last September and knew that I had to do this.
We all got an early Christmas present from Jason on the Epic Tahoe Facebook page. This video turned me into a mess of a puddle crying, but it also put a huge smile on my face and rekindled the determination and motivation. Again, I had to.
December 22, 2016:
It was rough going. My fall races were not easy. I was struggling to do 5Ks. I was having issue after issue with my medical problems. I was questioning my sanity about committing to a half-marathon again after swearing I never would after the last one almost killed me. I knew the doctors had a point. I knew I was pushing it and putting myself at risk. But, I had to keep trying. I had the support of my incredible teammates and was standing on my faith and my God to get me through. When the doubts rushed in, all I had to do is look at that photo of the accident last September and knew that I had to do this.
We all got an early Christmas present from Jason on the Epic Tahoe Facebook page. This video turned me into a mess of a puddle crying, but it also put a huge smile on my face and rekindled the determination and motivation. Again, I had to.
December 22, 2016:
Those first steps also made me realize one thing - even though he knew nothing about what I was doing, I had to keep my end of the bargain. I had to do the half. There was no option to quit or give up.
By March 2017, I knew Jason was going to be fine. But, it wasn't an excuse to not finish what I started. I heard from Jason in June, and let him know that I was going to be in Tahoe for the race weekend in October, and said I hoped to catch up with Natalie and him while I was in town, but didn't really go into detail about the race plans.
My closest friend/coach and my boys have all asked me why I haven't told Jason what I was doing or why I was doing it. It's hard to explain and it's difficult for me to open up and say this. I know and have known that this very well could be impossible for me. I could be really sick again the week of or the morning of the race. I could have a relapse and be unable to run or even walk. I could start the race and end up causing things to be much worse and end up not being able to finish. Or worse. I don't want to ever get anyone's hopes up and then disappoint them or let them down. If I told him what I was doing and then on race day couldn't do it - I'd feel horrible. So, in my mind, right or wrong, it's best to just not say anything until afterwards, if at all.
On top of that, I have never and still never want anyone to feel sorry for me or show me any sympathy. I am here and alive - which is far more than many of my friends from Ground Zero can say. I am walking and running - which is far more than some of my friends battling terminal illnesses or lifelong disabilities can say. I am healthy enough to be able to go out and do something - which is more than my friends battling cancer can say right now. I cannot and will not complain. When I do - my friends who know the details of my life refuse to let me stay there and refuse to let me continue on the complaint train. I appreciate their toughness more than I could ever express. With their help - I will not refuse to do what I can do to bring awareness and support to the charities I run for. I will not stop. I can't stop.
I'm also very aware of the fact that one day I may be one of those people who can't run another step. But until that day comes, I refuse to say I can't anymore. I refuse to not try. I'm very afraid that the day I give up and stop running is the day my medical issues win and the day I lose more than just the ability to run. It takes people like Jason who have that never give up, positive attitude to inspire me sometimes. Life knocks you down? Get up and fight back. It takes watching people who are at their lowest never blink in despair, but just get out there and do what needs to be done, to get me past the doubts and fears that creep into my life. I need these people in my life and am incredibly thankful for them. I wish I could take all of their hurts and heartaches out there with me and pound them into the pavement as I run, to make things easier for them. While I can't "fix" any of their situations, I can use my situation to bring light and help to them. I can use my running to be a light in the dark times. I can use these races to show God's love, grace, and mercy to hurting people. As long as I can take a step, I will keep going. For Jason, Morgan E, Kristan & Jay, Melissa, Deon & his siblings, Heidi, Barbara, Shelley & her daughter, Nancy, RC, Crystal, Corinne, Sandy's family, Tina and her daughter Katelyn, Janet's granddaughter, my students, family and friends of Morgan H and others who never came home, and many more friends battling demons bigger than mine. Thank you all for inspiring me and keeping me going.
Update from the 1/1/17 blog
On January 1, 2017, I shared the beginnings of my 2722 mile journey. Now, it's September. I've rarely posted, other than from the Anthem Star 10K in April, so I felt it was past time to give you an update.
Let's go back to the end of April. I was elated that I was able to finish the Anthem Star 10K after such a difficult path there. Afterwards, though, I had a really hard time getting motivated to get out there and run again. It was both an outward, physical battle, and an inward, mental battle. I wanted to run, but I knew how much it was hurting me and that it would never be easy, fast or enjoyable for me. During May and June, I didn't log a single mile. However, that wasn't because I wasn't running. The end of the school year was crazy-busy and then before I knew it, we were in Florida. I ran every single day while we were there - sometimes on the beach, sometimes on the running path along our oceanfront street. On Memorial Day, I even participated in a 5K race followed by a 1 mile race on the same morning. Because of the smoke and heat, they were not pleasant runs, but they were something. My son, incidentally, came in 3rd in the 5K in his age group, and a switch went on inside his head. Now I can't stop him from running. He's loving it. I am no longer heading to Tahoe on my own - my twin boys are coming with me and will be running the 5K.
After we returned from Florida, we literally dove right into swim season. This was an awesome time for me. I spent 2 hours almost every single day at the gym. I'd spend 10-15 minutes warming up on the rower, Jacob's ladder or elliptical. Then, I'd spend 45-55 minutes doing weights, strength and stretching. Then, I'd spend 30-60 minutes either swimming a mile or running 2-4 miles. Things were going great. I was feeling better, doing better with times/splits, and was right on track for Tahoe.
The same trend continued the entire month of July. I was loving being out of school and having the time to spend a couple hours a day at the gym & pool. I added 10-15 minutes of biking into my routine mix. It was great. Then, my boys convinced me to take them to the new Jump Jam. My boys are addicted to American Ninja Warrior. Two of the current ninjas - Grant McCartney and Joe Moravsky - have both sent the boys a note of encouragement and have helped keep that fire fueled. When the new Jump Jam opened with the new ninja course and warped wall, they had to go try it out. We went and had a blast. I actually made it to the top of the warped wall, but then was spent and let go. Unfortunately, my instinct was to try to run down the wall instead of letting myself just slide down. I knew the instant my ankle rolled that it was not good. I thought about the Spartan race that was just one week away and my heart sunk. That race was supposed to be my one last big training event for Tahoe.
July 30th - I went to Black Mountain, NC for the Asheville Spartan Sprint. I knew no one there. I was scared. I'd prepared. I'd watched video from the first day. Nothing was going to surprise me on the course. I was ready. But, my ankle was not. I had it taped and secured with a compression sock. It was holding up okay, so I decided to just go for it. When I got to the start line, I was 15 minutes early, but they literally ordered me over the wall and onto the start with the group that was heading out. No time to stretch, warm up, nothing. But, off I went. I started off in the back of the pack, which was fine. I went out in a nice, steady run. I felt good. About 3/4 of a mile into it, I saw another girl who was running apparently on her own. We began talking and decided to partner up for the rest of the race. So glad we did in some ways - because those obstacles and uphill battle during the first part of the race would have been impossible otherwise. There were some amazing people out there on the course. It was intense. It was fun. It was insane. It was awesome. I didn't have to do burpees the entire race until the end. I made it slowly through every obstacle and felt I could have gone faster, but my new teammate didn't want to run and I was content to walk fast with her between obstacles. As we got back down to the bottom of the course, I was started to get tired. I still managed to nail the spear throw and found myself waiting around for my teammate to finish her burpees. We headed to the barbed wire crawl. I decided to log roll, alternating sides so I wouldn't get nauseous. That backfired. I made it through just fine. But I was so sick to my stomach it was horrible. Then the mud humps and dunk wall. No problem. Made it. But felt bad. Went up the wall thanks to the knotted rope and a great guy at the top who wouldn't let go. Got up on the ledge and watched helplessly as my teammate fell over and over. On one fall she was obviously hurting. I went down off the wall and waited on the other side for her. After a few minutes, her friend came around to let me know she wasn't doing well. I went back around the wall and we made the decision for her to go to the med tent and me to keep going. Got to the next five obstacles - all upper body strength obstacles. Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. By the end, I couldn't even do a burpee and I was feeling sicker than ever. Made it to the bridge and was fine up and over and down. Jumped over the fire, absolutely horrible finish photo (no, you cannot see), and then crossed the line. Got my medal. Got my timer off. Puked in the trash can. Over and over again. I was so sick. They managed to give me a banana and some sort of peanut butter bar. It helped. But all I wanted was a shower, clean clothes, ice and a nap. I hosed off as best I could, checked on my teammate (who was hurt pretty bad but would be okay), went to the car, changed in the back of the van and we headed out. I said two things - never would I ever try that again, and at least Tahoe will seem easy after this. We went to our favorite restaurant in Black Mountain - My Father's Pizza - and tried to enjoy some lunch. I was still not ready to eat and was falling asleep at the table. It was not a pretty sight. I got some ice for my ankle, we finished our meal, got in the car and started the two hour drive home. I slept for most of it. I kept wondering in my waking moments how on earth I was going to go work tomorrow for our first day of school. I also wondered if I'd ever be able to walk normally again. I was pretty sore and beaten up. But, I'd done it. Finishing that Spartan race was absolutely, by far the most difficult thing I'd ever accomplished in my life. It made all my old firefighter and red card fitness tests seem like a cake walk. It was TOUGH. But I had done it by God's grace alone, and felt that if I could do that, I could and would do Tahoe.
For a week or two after that, I couldn't run. I could barely walk. I was in an ankle brace and compression sock for those 2 weeks. On Sunday, August 6th, I did a 3 mile walk. For two more weeks, I couldn't even walk, much less run. I was getting frustrated, upset and worried about Tahoe. During this same time, I started having some of my same old medical stuff start creeping back in and taking over. Then, I fell at school when I didn't see some water on the floor and my feet went out from under me. I landed awkwardly and both ankles were hurt. I was in double compression socks for a while. I hit rock bottom that week. I was tired. I was sick. I was hurting. I was angry. I just wanted to go back to summer where I could spend two hours a day at the gym and pool. I wanted to feel better and I was tired of not being okay. I tried working out at home, but my body would not cooperate. I was dealing with the numbness and pain on one side, the ankle injuries, the exhaustion and more. On Sunday, August 20th, I decided I'd had enough time off and went for a run. I went 1.25 miles before my ankles gave out and I limped home for a total of 1.85 miles of a "run." I wanted to give up. I was done. Then I found out a dear friend had just been diagnosed with lymphoma. Another former youth member of mine was watching the man she loved face cancer. Another friend lost a family member who was just a baby. Then, Hurricane Harvey hit. A friend lost her home and was living out of a suitcase at a friend's home. Others were right in the path and went without power and stuck for days. As soon as they were able, those same people were out there helping in every possible way.
Just as I thought things couldn't get worse, September began. Never an easy month in our house. In the news, Hurricane Irma had its sights set on Florida. At work, I was up to my ears in meetings, deadlines and planning. I was sinking fast and it was not good. At all. September 10th, Irma made landfall and I watched helplessly as friends rode out the storm. Thankfully, all of our loved ones came through it just fine with minimal damage. The next day, September 11th. I had to take a mental health day. I was just at the end of the rope and barely holding on. What's weird is that the weekend before the 11th, I was a mess. On Monday the 11th, I was calm. I was completely fine. On the 12th, I was a puddle again. During this time, I decided to try again on the running. On Sunday, September 10th, I went out to run for my friends in Texas and my friend Morgan. I was just determined that if they were going to fight battles, so was I. I thought about Jason and why I'd started this journey to begin with. So I went out and ran. I made it two miles!! It was tough, but it was a start. I decided to walk on Monday to save the ankle but still get in some mileage. I walked 2.4 miles. Tuesday, again, 2.25 miles. Wednesday, 2 miles inside, and THEN, 2 miles on the elliptical inside. I was starting to feel it might actually be possible again. These 2 miles at a time were helping me get refocused and motivated to do the impossible. Thursday, I walked 3 miles. I took Friday off, because I wanted to try something hard on Saturday. I asked my family to go with me to Cades Cove while the loop was closed to auto traffic. I wanted to run. Not just do a 2 mile run/walk, but to try an actual hard run out of my comfort zone.
Saturday, September 16th. We drove the hour to Cades Cove. We spotted a bear and a crazy tourist following the bear with a camera. We get to the loop and realize Emma forgot her bike helmet and her shoes. Yes, shoes. It was not going well and the clock was ticking. Finally, Don said he'd drive the van around the loop when the gate opened and would pick me up when he saw me. Daniel decided to run with me and the rest of the kids went back and piled in the van with Don. Daniel and I ran. The first mile went well. I felt great. Daniel started off great but was starting to fade. At 1 1/2 miles, he was ready to bail. I was frustrated. I finally felt good and felt like running and something else was holding me back and frustrating me. Daniel kept going and Don finally caught up to us at 2.5 miles. Daniel dove in the van but I asked Don if he'd go another mile before picking me up. He gave me some water and then kept driving. He stopped in mile and I said I was still good. I was. I felt awesome. For the first time since July 30th when I crossed the finish line of the Spartan Sprint, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could cross the finish line in Tahoe. Around mile 4.5 I got a horrible pain in my right foot. I thought I was going to have to stop. I took a break and then jumped right back out there to run some more. I ended with 5.75 miles. I was astonished. My goal was 4 miles. I had begged and pleaded with God to please let me go 4 miles without pain or injury. I have no doubt it was His hands and by His grace that I made it to 5.75 miles. I was emotional. I was hopeful. Most of all, I had found that inspiration again. While I was running I was praying for the people I was running for. I was picturing the person I was running in honor of and why. I was finding that determination that had been buried by the frustrations and doubts.
So, that's where I am today. I was able to get out and walk some today. I'm a little sore, but I totally feel like I could go run if I had to. I'm still trying to save my ankles and focus on the cross-training and strength during the week. But, my plan is to go out and do 7-8 miles this Saturday, then go back to Cades Cove on the 30th and get as close to the full 11 mile loop as I can. Then, on the 7th or 8th I plan to do another 7-8 miles. Then, it'll be the 15th and race day. I just hope and pray that those 13.1 miles don't kill me and that I can remember those moments of doubts as merely stepping stones along the way. I want to remember those moments of the finish line at Spartan and the end of the 5.75 miles in Cades Cove and know that it IS possible and that I CAN do this.
I'll try to do better about posting between now and Tahoe. Until then, here's some random photos from the events posted here.
Let's go back to the end of April. I was elated that I was able to finish the Anthem Star 10K after such a difficult path there. Afterwards, though, I had a really hard time getting motivated to get out there and run again. It was both an outward, physical battle, and an inward, mental battle. I wanted to run, but I knew how much it was hurting me and that it would never be easy, fast or enjoyable for me. During May and June, I didn't log a single mile. However, that wasn't because I wasn't running. The end of the school year was crazy-busy and then before I knew it, we were in Florida. I ran every single day while we were there - sometimes on the beach, sometimes on the running path along our oceanfront street. On Memorial Day, I even participated in a 5K race followed by a 1 mile race on the same morning. Because of the smoke and heat, they were not pleasant runs, but they were something. My son, incidentally, came in 3rd in the 5K in his age group, and a switch went on inside his head. Now I can't stop him from running. He's loving it. I am no longer heading to Tahoe on my own - my twin boys are coming with me and will be running the 5K.
After we returned from Florida, we literally dove right into swim season. This was an awesome time for me. I spent 2 hours almost every single day at the gym. I'd spend 10-15 minutes warming up on the rower, Jacob's ladder or elliptical. Then, I'd spend 45-55 minutes doing weights, strength and stretching. Then, I'd spend 30-60 minutes either swimming a mile or running 2-4 miles. Things were going great. I was feeling better, doing better with times/splits, and was right on track for Tahoe.
The same trend continued the entire month of July. I was loving being out of school and having the time to spend a couple hours a day at the gym & pool. I added 10-15 minutes of biking into my routine mix. It was great. Then, my boys convinced me to take them to the new Jump Jam. My boys are addicted to American Ninja Warrior. Two of the current ninjas - Grant McCartney and Joe Moravsky - have both sent the boys a note of encouragement and have helped keep that fire fueled. When the new Jump Jam opened with the new ninja course and warped wall, they had to go try it out. We went and had a blast. I actually made it to the top of the warped wall, but then was spent and let go. Unfortunately, my instinct was to try to run down the wall instead of letting myself just slide down. I knew the instant my ankle rolled that it was not good. I thought about the Spartan race that was just one week away and my heart sunk. That race was supposed to be my one last big training event for Tahoe.
July 30th - I went to Black Mountain, NC for the Asheville Spartan Sprint. I knew no one there. I was scared. I'd prepared. I'd watched video from the first day. Nothing was going to surprise me on the course. I was ready. But, my ankle was not. I had it taped and secured with a compression sock. It was holding up okay, so I decided to just go for it. When I got to the start line, I was 15 minutes early, but they literally ordered me over the wall and onto the start with the group that was heading out. No time to stretch, warm up, nothing. But, off I went. I started off in the back of the pack, which was fine. I went out in a nice, steady run. I felt good. About 3/4 of a mile into it, I saw another girl who was running apparently on her own. We began talking and decided to partner up for the rest of the race. So glad we did in some ways - because those obstacles and uphill battle during the first part of the race would have been impossible otherwise. There were some amazing people out there on the course. It was intense. It was fun. It was insane. It was awesome. I didn't have to do burpees the entire race until the end. I made it slowly through every obstacle and felt I could have gone faster, but my new teammate didn't want to run and I was content to walk fast with her between obstacles. As we got back down to the bottom of the course, I was started to get tired. I still managed to nail the spear throw and found myself waiting around for my teammate to finish her burpees. We headed to the barbed wire crawl. I decided to log roll, alternating sides so I wouldn't get nauseous. That backfired. I made it through just fine. But I was so sick to my stomach it was horrible. Then the mud humps and dunk wall. No problem. Made it. But felt bad. Went up the wall thanks to the knotted rope and a great guy at the top who wouldn't let go. Got up on the ledge and watched helplessly as my teammate fell over and over. On one fall she was obviously hurting. I went down off the wall and waited on the other side for her. After a few minutes, her friend came around to let me know she wasn't doing well. I went back around the wall and we made the decision for her to go to the med tent and me to keep going. Got to the next five obstacles - all upper body strength obstacles. Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. By the end, I couldn't even do a burpee and I was feeling sicker than ever. Made it to the bridge and was fine up and over and down. Jumped over the fire, absolutely horrible finish photo (no, you cannot see), and then crossed the line. Got my medal. Got my timer off. Puked in the trash can. Over and over again. I was so sick. They managed to give me a banana and some sort of peanut butter bar. It helped. But all I wanted was a shower, clean clothes, ice and a nap. I hosed off as best I could, checked on my teammate (who was hurt pretty bad but would be okay), went to the car, changed in the back of the van and we headed out. I said two things - never would I ever try that again, and at least Tahoe will seem easy after this. We went to our favorite restaurant in Black Mountain - My Father's Pizza - and tried to enjoy some lunch. I was still not ready to eat and was falling asleep at the table. It was not a pretty sight. I got some ice for my ankle, we finished our meal, got in the car and started the two hour drive home. I slept for most of it. I kept wondering in my waking moments how on earth I was going to go work tomorrow for our first day of school. I also wondered if I'd ever be able to walk normally again. I was pretty sore and beaten up. But, I'd done it. Finishing that Spartan race was absolutely, by far the most difficult thing I'd ever accomplished in my life. It made all my old firefighter and red card fitness tests seem like a cake walk. It was TOUGH. But I had done it by God's grace alone, and felt that if I could do that, I could and would do Tahoe.
For a week or two after that, I couldn't run. I could barely walk. I was in an ankle brace and compression sock for those 2 weeks. On Sunday, August 6th, I did a 3 mile walk. For two more weeks, I couldn't even walk, much less run. I was getting frustrated, upset and worried about Tahoe. During this same time, I started having some of my same old medical stuff start creeping back in and taking over. Then, I fell at school when I didn't see some water on the floor and my feet went out from under me. I landed awkwardly and both ankles were hurt. I was in double compression socks for a while. I hit rock bottom that week. I was tired. I was sick. I was hurting. I was angry. I just wanted to go back to summer where I could spend two hours a day at the gym and pool. I wanted to feel better and I was tired of not being okay. I tried working out at home, but my body would not cooperate. I was dealing with the numbness and pain on one side, the ankle injuries, the exhaustion and more. On Sunday, August 20th, I decided I'd had enough time off and went for a run. I went 1.25 miles before my ankles gave out and I limped home for a total of 1.85 miles of a "run." I wanted to give up. I was done. Then I found out a dear friend had just been diagnosed with lymphoma. Another former youth member of mine was watching the man she loved face cancer. Another friend lost a family member who was just a baby. Then, Hurricane Harvey hit. A friend lost her home and was living out of a suitcase at a friend's home. Others were right in the path and went without power and stuck for days. As soon as they were able, those same people were out there helping in every possible way.
Just as I thought things couldn't get worse, September began. Never an easy month in our house. In the news, Hurricane Irma had its sights set on Florida. At work, I was up to my ears in meetings, deadlines and planning. I was sinking fast and it was not good. At all. September 10th, Irma made landfall and I watched helplessly as friends rode out the storm. Thankfully, all of our loved ones came through it just fine with minimal damage. The next day, September 11th. I had to take a mental health day. I was just at the end of the rope and barely holding on. What's weird is that the weekend before the 11th, I was a mess. On Monday the 11th, I was calm. I was completely fine. On the 12th, I was a puddle again. During this time, I decided to try again on the running. On Sunday, September 10th, I went out to run for my friends in Texas and my friend Morgan. I was just determined that if they were going to fight battles, so was I. I thought about Jason and why I'd started this journey to begin with. So I went out and ran. I made it two miles!! It was tough, but it was a start. I decided to walk on Monday to save the ankle but still get in some mileage. I walked 2.4 miles. Tuesday, again, 2.25 miles. Wednesday, 2 miles inside, and THEN, 2 miles on the elliptical inside. I was starting to feel it might actually be possible again. These 2 miles at a time were helping me get refocused and motivated to do the impossible. Thursday, I walked 3 miles. I took Friday off, because I wanted to try something hard on Saturday. I asked my family to go with me to Cades Cove while the loop was closed to auto traffic. I wanted to run. Not just do a 2 mile run/walk, but to try an actual hard run out of my comfort zone.
Saturday, September 16th. We drove the hour to Cades Cove. We spotted a bear and a crazy tourist following the bear with a camera. We get to the loop and realize Emma forgot her bike helmet and her shoes. Yes, shoes. It was not going well and the clock was ticking. Finally, Don said he'd drive the van around the loop when the gate opened and would pick me up when he saw me. Daniel decided to run with me and the rest of the kids went back and piled in the van with Don. Daniel and I ran. The first mile went well. I felt great. Daniel started off great but was starting to fade. At 1 1/2 miles, he was ready to bail. I was frustrated. I finally felt good and felt like running and something else was holding me back and frustrating me. Daniel kept going and Don finally caught up to us at 2.5 miles. Daniel dove in the van but I asked Don if he'd go another mile before picking me up. He gave me some water and then kept driving. He stopped in mile and I said I was still good. I was. I felt awesome. For the first time since July 30th when I crossed the finish line of the Spartan Sprint, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could cross the finish line in Tahoe. Around mile 4.5 I got a horrible pain in my right foot. I thought I was going to have to stop. I took a break and then jumped right back out there to run some more. I ended with 5.75 miles. I was astonished. My goal was 4 miles. I had begged and pleaded with God to please let me go 4 miles without pain or injury. I have no doubt it was His hands and by His grace that I made it to 5.75 miles. I was emotional. I was hopeful. Most of all, I had found that inspiration again. While I was running I was praying for the people I was running for. I was picturing the person I was running in honor of and why. I was finding that determination that had been buried by the frustrations and doubts.
So, that's where I am today. I was able to get out and walk some today. I'm a little sore, but I totally feel like I could go run if I had to. I'm still trying to save my ankles and focus on the cross-training and strength during the week. But, my plan is to go out and do 7-8 miles this Saturday, then go back to Cades Cove on the 30th and get as close to the full 11 mile loop as I can. Then, on the 7th or 8th I plan to do another 7-8 miles. Then, it'll be the 15th and race day. I just hope and pray that those 13.1 miles don't kill me and that I can remember those moments of doubts as merely stepping stones along the way. I want to remember those moments of the finish line at Spartan and the end of the 5.75 miles in Cades Cove and know that it IS possible and that I CAN do this.
I'll try to do better about posting between now and Tahoe. Until then, here's some random photos from the events posted here.
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