Let's go back to the end of April. I was elated that I was able to finish the Anthem Star 10K after such a difficult path there. Afterwards, though, I had a really hard time getting motivated to get out there and run again. It was both an outward, physical battle, and an inward, mental battle. I wanted to run, but I knew how much it was hurting me and that it would never be easy, fast or enjoyable for me. During May and June, I didn't log a single mile. However, that wasn't because I wasn't running. The end of the school year was crazy-busy and then before I knew it, we were in Florida. I ran every single day while we were there - sometimes on the beach, sometimes on the running path along our oceanfront street. On Memorial Day, I even participated in a 5K race followed by a 1 mile race on the same morning. Because of the smoke and heat, they were not pleasant runs, but they were something. My son, incidentally, came in 3rd in the 5K in his age group, and a switch went on inside his head. Now I can't stop him from running. He's loving it. I am no longer heading to Tahoe on my own - my twin boys are coming with me and will be running the 5K.
After we returned from Florida, we literally dove right into swim season. This was an awesome time for me. I spent 2 hours almost every single day at the gym. I'd spend 10-15 minutes warming up on the rower, Jacob's ladder or elliptical. Then, I'd spend 45-55 minutes doing weights, strength and stretching. Then, I'd spend 30-60 minutes either swimming a mile or running 2-4 miles. Things were going great. I was feeling better, doing better with times/splits, and was right on track for Tahoe.
The same trend continued the entire month of July. I was loving being out of school and having the time to spend a couple hours a day at the gym & pool. I added 10-15 minutes of biking into my routine mix. It was great. Then, my boys convinced me to take them to the new Jump Jam. My boys are addicted to American Ninja Warrior. Two of the current ninjas - Grant McCartney and Joe Moravsky - have both sent the boys a note of encouragement and have helped keep that fire fueled. When the new Jump Jam opened with the new ninja course and warped wall, they had to go try it out. We went and had a blast. I actually made it to the top of the warped wall, but then was spent and let go. Unfortunately, my instinct was to try to run down the wall instead of letting myself just slide down. I knew the instant my ankle rolled that it was not good. I thought about the Spartan race that was just one week away and my heart sunk. That race was supposed to be my one last big training event for Tahoe.
July 30th - I went to Black Mountain, NC for the Asheville Spartan Sprint. I knew no one there. I was scared. I'd prepared. I'd watched video from the first day. Nothing was going to surprise me on the course. I was ready. But, my ankle was not. I had it taped and secured with a compression sock. It was holding up okay, so I decided to just go for it. When I got to the start line, I was 15 minutes early, but they literally ordered me over the wall and onto the start with the group that was heading out. No time to stretch, warm up, nothing. But, off I went. I started off in the back of the pack, which was fine. I went out in a nice, steady run. I felt good. About 3/4 of a mile into it, I saw another girl who was running apparently on her own. We began talking and decided to partner up for the rest of the race. So glad we did in some ways - because those obstacles and uphill battle during the first part of the race would have been impossible otherwise. There were some amazing people out there on the course. It was intense. It was fun. It was insane. It was awesome. I didn't have to do burpees the entire race until the end. I made it slowly through every obstacle and felt I could have gone faster, but my new teammate didn't want to run and I was content to walk fast with her between obstacles. As we got back down to the bottom of the course, I was started to get tired. I still managed to nail the spear throw and found myself waiting around for my teammate to finish her burpees. We headed to the barbed wire crawl. I decided to log roll, alternating sides so I wouldn't get nauseous. That backfired. I made it through just fine. But I was so sick to my stomach it was horrible. Then the mud humps and dunk wall. No problem. Made it. But felt bad. Went up the wall thanks to the knotted rope and a great guy at the top who wouldn't let go. Got up on the ledge and watched helplessly as my teammate fell over and over. On one fall she was obviously hurting. I went down off the wall and waited on the other side for her. After a few minutes, her friend came around to let me know she wasn't doing well. I went back around the wall and we made the decision for her to go to the med tent and me to keep going. Got to the next five obstacles - all upper body strength obstacles. Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. By the end, I couldn't even do a burpee and I was feeling sicker than ever. Made it to the bridge and was fine up and over and down. Jumped over the fire, absolutely horrible finish photo (no, you cannot see), and then crossed the line. Got my medal. Got my timer off. Puked in the trash can. Over and over again. I was so sick. They managed to give me a banana and some sort of peanut butter bar. It helped. But all I wanted was a shower, clean clothes, ice and a nap. I hosed off as best I could, checked on my teammate (who was hurt pretty bad but would be okay), went to the car, changed in the back of the van and we headed out. I said two things - never would I ever try that again, and at least Tahoe will seem easy after this. We went to our favorite restaurant in Black Mountain - My Father's Pizza - and tried to enjoy some lunch. I was still not ready to eat and was falling asleep at the table. It was not a pretty sight. I got some ice for my ankle, we finished our meal, got in the car and started the two hour drive home. I slept for most of it. I kept wondering in my waking moments how on earth I was going to go work tomorrow for our first day of school. I also wondered if I'd ever be able to walk normally again. I was pretty sore and beaten up. But, I'd done it. Finishing that Spartan race was absolutely, by far the most difficult thing I'd ever accomplished in my life. It made all my old firefighter and red card fitness tests seem like a cake walk. It was TOUGH. But I had done it by God's grace alone, and felt that if I could do that, I could and would do Tahoe.
For a week or two after that, I couldn't run. I could barely walk. I was in an ankle brace and compression sock for those 2 weeks. On Sunday, August 6th, I did a 3 mile walk. For two more weeks, I couldn't even walk, much less run. I was getting frustrated, upset and worried about Tahoe. During this same time, I started having some of my same old medical stuff start creeping back in and taking over. Then, I fell at school when I didn't see some water on the floor and my feet went out from under me. I landed awkwardly and both ankles were hurt. I was in double compression socks for a while. I hit rock bottom that week. I was tired. I was sick. I was hurting. I was angry. I just wanted to go back to summer where I could spend two hours a day at the gym and pool. I wanted to feel better and I was tired of not being okay. I tried working out at home, but my body would not cooperate. I was dealing with the numbness and pain on one side, the ankle injuries, the exhaustion and more. On Sunday, August 20th, I decided I'd had enough time off and went for a run. I went 1.25 miles before my ankles gave out and I limped home for a total of 1.85 miles of a "run." I wanted to give up. I was done. Then I found out a dear friend had just been diagnosed with lymphoma. Another former youth member of mine was watching the man she loved face cancer. Another friend lost a family member who was just a baby. Then, Hurricane Harvey hit. A friend lost her home and was living out of a suitcase at a friend's home. Others were right in the path and went without power and stuck for days. As soon as they were able, those same people were out there helping in every possible way.
Just as I thought things couldn't get worse, September began. Never an easy month in our house. In the news, Hurricane Irma had its sights set on Florida. At work, I was up to my ears in meetings, deadlines and planning. I was sinking fast and it was not good. At all. September 10th, Irma made landfall and I watched helplessly as friends rode out the storm. Thankfully, all of our loved ones came through it just fine with minimal damage. The next day, September 11th. I had to take a mental health day. I was just at the end of the rope and barely holding on. What's weird is that the weekend before the 11th, I was a mess. On Monday the 11th, I was calm. I was completely fine. On the 12th, I was a puddle again. During this time, I decided to try again on the running. On Sunday, September 10th, I went out to run for my friends in Texas and my friend Morgan. I was just determined that if they were going to fight battles, so was I. I thought about Jason and why I'd started this journey to begin with. So I went out and ran. I made it two miles!! It was tough, but it was a start. I decided to walk on Monday to save the ankle but still get in some mileage. I walked 2.4 miles. Tuesday, again, 2.25 miles. Wednesday, 2 miles inside, and THEN, 2 miles on the elliptical inside. I was starting to feel it might actually be possible again. These 2 miles at a time were helping me get refocused and motivated to do the impossible. Thursday, I walked 3 miles. I took Friday off, because I wanted to try something hard on Saturday. I asked my family to go with me to Cades Cove while the loop was closed to auto traffic. I wanted to run. Not just do a 2 mile run/walk, but to try an actual hard run out of my comfort zone.
Saturday, September 16th. We drove the hour to Cades Cove. We spotted a bear and a crazy tourist following the bear with a camera. We get to the loop and realize Emma forgot her bike helmet and her shoes. Yes, shoes. It was not going well and the clock was ticking. Finally, Don said he'd drive the van around the loop when the gate opened and would pick me up when he saw me. Daniel decided to run with me and the rest of the kids went back and piled in the van with Don. Daniel and I ran. The first mile went well. I felt great. Daniel started off great but was starting to fade. At 1 1/2 miles, he was ready to bail. I was frustrated. I finally felt good and felt like running and something else was holding me back and frustrating me. Daniel kept going and Don finally caught up to us at 2.5 miles. Daniel dove in the van but I asked Don if he'd go another mile before picking me up. He gave me some water and then kept driving. He stopped in mile and I said I was still good. I was. I felt awesome. For the first time since July 30th when I crossed the finish line of the Spartan Sprint, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could cross the finish line in Tahoe. Around mile 4.5 I got a horrible pain in my right foot. I thought I was going to have to stop. I took a break and then jumped right back out there to run some more. I ended with 5.75 miles. I was astonished. My goal was 4 miles. I had begged and pleaded with God to please let me go 4 miles without pain or injury. I have no doubt it was His hands and by His grace that I made it to 5.75 miles. I was emotional. I was hopeful. Most of all, I had found that inspiration again. While I was running I was praying for the people I was running for. I was picturing the person I was running in honor of and why. I was finding that determination that had been buried by the frustrations and doubts.
So, that's where I am today. I was able to get out and walk some today. I'm a little sore, but I totally feel like I could go run if I had to. I'm still trying to save my ankles and focus on the cross-training and strength during the week. But, my plan is to go out and do 7-8 miles this Saturday, then go back to Cades Cove on the 30th and get as close to the full 11 mile loop as I can. Then, on the 7th or 8th I plan to do another 7-8 miles. Then, it'll be the 15th and race day. I just hope and pray that those 13.1 miles don't kill me and that I can remember those moments of doubts as merely stepping stones along the way. I want to remember those moments of the finish line at Spartan and the end of the 5.75 miles in Cades Cove and know that it IS possible and that I CAN do this.
I'll try to do better about posting between now and Tahoe. Until then, here's some random photos from the events posted here.
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