Just breathing

Monday morning, I was in the pool early and swam for 45 minutes. When I got out of the pool I went in and took my time showering and getting dressed. My leg hurt. But not as bad as it did Saturday night. I went upstairs to roll and stretch, and just breathe. I finished and headed down to go through the stack of swim lesson requests. I passed my coach and said I'd come back up in a bit.

Coach and I finally talked about the injury. He said the exact words I'd been refusing to acknowledge in my own head. It might be a stress fracture. I've been fighting this since it first started hurting. Please, no. Not now. Not less than two weeks from the big race I've poured everything into training for over the past 5 1/2 months. Not this race. No.

Just breathe.

Coach and I had a long overdue conversation and I left the gym feeling somewhat better, though definitely tottering dangerously close to going over the edge over the leg issue.

I had a busy day on the agenda, so headed to my hair appointment and then rushed home to change. Then rushed to the coffee shop to meet with a coworker. It was so nice to sit and just talk and relax over a cup of tea and some banana bread. Time to just breathe.

We ended up heading over to Elliott's Boots, because she was looking for some sandals for her beach trip. We walked in and I saw the exact pair of sandals I'd been looking for. Not only that, but they only had two left - and they were both my size! I grabbed one and we finished shopping and headed out.

I went home, grabbed what I needed, changed into volleyball clothes, and headed back out, with all 4 kids in tow. It's a good thing I'd had that banana bread, because there was no time to eat dinner before hitting the sand for our tournament. Thankfully, Don said he'd head over and pick up some dinner for me and have it home when I got back from the tournament.

Our first game did not go well. Slaughter rule. It was bad. On one of the first plays, I felt the spot on my shin shoot pain up my entire leg. I did not panic. I did not scream or cry. But, I knew something was wrong. I couldn't bail on my team, and we finished the horrible match.

We went to play the losers bracket game, and we had two other players show up. I told them I was hurting but could play, but if it got worse, I was out. We started off really well and played much better for game 2. After switching sides at the halfway point, my shin was still bothering me. After another lunging play, I was done and knew it. I called for a medical substitution and left the game. I stood on the sideline with ice on my leg and texted my coach. His response, "Back to the water for tomorrow and possibly the rest of the week. I know you don't want to hear that, but we have to keep that from getting worse." I just wanted to cry. I already knew before I text him I wasn't running for a few days. But it's one thing to take myself out for a few days, and a completely different thing to have him tell me no running. I knew he was right. But I was on the verge of a meltdown over Tahoe.

When I got home, I ate while icing my leg, then jumped in the shower and just cried. I got out, went to bed really late for me, and hoped for the best.

When it rains, it pours.

Wide awake at 3 AM. Could not get back to sleep. 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Great. Finally decided to go back to bed around 6 AM. Not two seconds later, my oldest comes in puking. Seriously?

White Flag.

I'm done.

Bad timing on coach's end - he sends a text "I'd take the day off." Sleep deprivation + frustration = highly emotional. I just want sleep. I just want the pain to stop. I just want to run. I just want this race to actually happen.

I went back in the shower and cried again. It was the only thing I could do.

I got dressed, got my other boy ready for swim, and the two of us headed to the gym. I needed to stretch and roll some more.

I met up with the run group and tried to hide the disappointment that I couldn't join them. I stretched with them and rolled. Then did it again with another teammate. She and I ended up talking and I couldn't stop the tears. I'm so frustrated right now.

I went down to the swim office and ended up crying again with my supervisor. She joined in the tears and then gave me a hug. I left calmer than I got there. I drove my son home and got my girls ready for swim. I didn't think I could handle going back to the gym again, so Don took the girls for practice. I went and grabbed some lunch and ran a few errands.

I'm going to spend the rest of the day babying the leg again and trying to get things packed and ready for our trip. Distractions to keep from thinking about things. I really hope to get to bed early. Two nights in a row of very little sleep is not a good thing for anyone who has to deal with me.