We've had a new program at the gym this summer - OCR training - started by our running coach as a means to train people for mud runs, Spartan races, and other obstacle type events. Now, most of you know I LOVE obstacle racing and have been doing it for over a dozen years, even before I began distance running... long before I met my coach and heard him talking about it. But as soon as he put it out there, I was in. The first couple of workouts I was thinking "this is too easy." And THEN he hit me with one that left me feeling like I'd just climbed Mount Everest, using only my arms. It was an awesome, challenging workout. I loved it. Even though it kicked my butt and left me unable to lift my arms over my head. Or sit down normally. It was the best.
Well, last night, OCR almost did me in. I wasn't about to tell anyone, but every single thing we did was something I probably shouldn't have been doing, and I was hurting. A lot. I was not about to quit though. Especially with the week I'd had, especially with the fact I'd basically had to beg to be allowed to participate on a Thursday evening before a race weekend, especially because there were two people there I didn't know, and especially because of the personal goals in the back of my mind reminding me I had work to do. I pushed through, knowing I was going to regret it later, and wondering if I'd have to bail on my race on Saturday because this was an intensity that was going to send my body into chaos. It wasn't so much a leg thing, so there's that hope. But, I desperately needed that intensity and outlet for the frustrations and irritations of the week, and I knew I needed it to stay on track if I had any hope of accomplishing what I was setting out to do.
I woke up this morning and felt every single thing I knew was going to hurt, plus some I didn't realize I'd worked on. I have a huge bruise on my wrist that is totally grossing my boys out. It's gnarly. My wrist is also rock hard and stiff. The tendon is locked as tight as it can possibly be. It looks and feels pretty bad. My neck and shoulders are stiff and sore, and my butt is on fire. Talk about working some glutes. I'm telling you - these OCR workouts are for real. They are tough. They are unconventional. They are fun. But they are probably not the best thing to do before a long work day or race.
There is also one problem I've seen coming for a while that blew up this morning - I can barely walk. It's not the nerve stuff. I stepped wrong earlier this week and felt like I had pulled or strained something in the arch of my left foot. I felt it every time I tried to sprint in last night's OCR. I knew I shouldn't be running on it, but I wasn't stopping. This morning, I couldn't walk. At all. Once I got shoes on I was able to, but it hurt. Stairs are still impossible. Especially coming down them. Running tomorrow morning may be impossible. I've been trying to ice and stretch and do range of motion stuff, but it's definitely not helping, and having to walk all over our building is making it worse. I'm going to do the high dose of Naproxen today and tonight, and hope it gets me through the race. Then, I'm actually going to listen and take a full rest day. Or two.
So why the drive to do it no matter what? I had decided in really late spring or early summer to sign up for the mud run in my hometown and an obstacle race out of town my boys & I had done before. I was also looking for trail races and toying with the idea of going back to Spartan next year. Then, my run coach mentioned he was starting the OCR training at the gym. I was really excited and fully on board. What I didn't say was that I had already signed up for the Knoxville Mud Run, with the goal of placing. Obstacle races and trail races were something I was always good at and placed high in. It is the only run-related events I have ever been able to excel at. I knew if I had been able to actually RUN at the Mudder's Day race, our team would have been in the top 3. The obstacles have never been a problem for me. Even in Spartan, I was able to successfully nail every obstacle along the course until the final 5 - and they were ALL upper body. My arms were shot by then and there was no way I could do them. I swore I'd never do another Spartan until my upper body strength was on par with the rest of my body. But for the local, fun, mud runs and obstacle races, if I can just get back to running at a good pace, I can do really well on them. For trail racing, it just means getting back out there and gaining confidence again. I'm working on that. I would love nothing more than to go back to the Mudders Day race in May and win - or at least place. It's the perfect race for me. I know I can do it - if I can just get all of the pieces of the puzzle to fit together at the right time.
There's just one problem with this area of goals and races I've kept to myself - no one else believes I can do it. I've heard others saying how "he said he thinks I can win it" or "he thinks I'm going to place or win." Well, for certain, that has never been said to me. Not even anything remotely close to it. No one has said anything more than "I know you can finish it." No one here knows how good I used to be at them. No one knew this was my area of expertise. I used to be the adventure programmer who came up with the obstacles to challenge groups with and teach others how to successfully complete various obstacles. No one here gets it. But, that's okay. It was a long time ago. I have a long way to get back to where I was. But, the trail race on Saturday showed me that I was much closer than I thought I was. As bad as the Mudders Day race was on the running side - the obstacles there showed me I still had it too. Last Saturday on the trail, I was within the same pace where I was 10 years ago when I was consistently placing in the top 5. Granted, that was in NYC and not east TN. But, I'm close to where I was, and closer to where I want to be than I thought I was before Saturday.
Unfortunately, I feel like I'm being set up for failure. It's a hard pill to swallow that I'm not expected to be able to perform as well as others and that the goals for me are to "just finish." Not just with runs and obstacle races, but trail races too. That goes against everything I've ever known. It's always considered a success if I just make it to the finish line in one piece. Since when am I content to just finish and not reach for a higher goal? Oh, that's right. I'm NOT content with that. But others are. It's like that's all anyone thinks I'm capable of. I know I'm not a runner who is going to win or place in a road race. I'm not a speed runner. But when it comes to trail races or obstacle races, it evens the playing field for me. That's where I'm at home. I'm still not going to cause waves there - but I can accomplish more than "just finishing." When your coach is winning the longer distances by margins of 10-15 minutes, it's a little overshadowing. He's phenomenal. I'll never be to that level - but that's okay too. That's not my goal or the path I'm on. I love watching him run, win, and do his thing. It's inspiring. What I don't love is constant reminders around me about me how they are expected to win or place, and how they are working so hard to live up to that expectation, or how they've done something for the first time and get loads of praise and tell me "you'll get it one day" - when I've already been there-done that YEARS ago. I hate being reminded that the medical crap has kept me from a lot. I hate that it completely changed my body and added a new obstacle to every challenge. I never react or respond to the constant comments, but in my mind, it just adds more fuel to the competitive fire that was finally reignited. I do LOVE that now I have a renewed passion for something I'd once thought I'd have to give up on forever. I'm loving having something that gets me fired up and competitive again. I'm finding myself working 10 times harder and pushing myself a lot more, knowing that if I am going to reach my goals, I've got to keep up with my own teammates who have the added advantage of someone believing in them. I'm having to dig deeper and remind myself that YES, I CAN, and find a way to keep believing in myself and not give up before we ever get there. Every run, every OCR training, every swim, every workout at home, every race - it's all become very, very important. Every medical appointment has become important too. I know I HAVE to stay on top of some issues to stand a chance. I know I HAVE to do things the right way and take care of myself to make it possible. With that comes old struggles of working out too much, not eating enough, trying to lose weight faster, letting the competitive drive push me to keep going no matter what, even when I know my body needs a break. It's hard to keep everything balanced. Especially now that I'm adding full time work to my schedule. One more advantage for the stay-at-home peeps. I wish I had more time to work out and keep up. I'm making it work in the limited time I have. I know I am fighting an uphill battle and my chances are slim. But once, just once, I'd like to have my time and place to shine again, doing something that I love, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get there, whether anyone else believes in me or not.
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