I still hate mirrors. I can't stand to look in them. But my kids often remind me that what I think I see in the mirror is drastically different from what they see when they look at me.
When other people see me, what do they see?
A mom. A teacher. A neighbor. A friend. A coach. A former athlete. Someone who is out of shape. Someone who is always sick. A 9/11 responder. A former firefighter. A babysitter or caregiver. A former EMT. A former disaster response team leader. An outdoor leader. A college professor.
People see us for the moments we interact with them. They have a snapshot of us that formulates their opinion on us. If they have been around a while, that snapshot may look more like a video of a highlight reel, but it is still only a measurement of the times they were interacting with us long enough to form a title or name for us.
Some people see us at our best. Others cross our paths when we are at our worst. Others see us with a lens or perspective that makes our snapshot look out of focus or like a completely wrong image. Some only see us in certain locations or environments and don't know what other spaces our lives occupy.
No matter what that snapshot or highlight reel looks like to them, we don't have to be defined by it.
It amazes me that some people who have had absolutely zero contact or interaction with me for 10, 20 or even 30 years try to define me by the snapshot they have of their last interaction with me. I get it. I do. But, I'm not the same person I was 10-20 years ago. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to fix other people's misconceptions and opinions of me that I forget that I don't have to be anyone to them. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I don't have to try to force people to change their thoughts about me. What's important is who I am to myself, to my household, and to my God.
I know who I am. I know whose I am. I know sometimes when I look in the mirror I don't feel like I even see the real me. Sometimes I wish I could change the current snapshot I see and edit the image.
I could look at the mirror and see my past. I can see a victim. I can see a survivor. I can see a champion. I can see a failure. I can see an angry person. I can see a woman filled with joy. It can change every time I look in the mirror. But the view people see when they look at me seems to be permanent based on the 5 minutes they spent around me, no matter when it was or what that image looked like. Frustrating as it may be, that is just how life goes.
But when God looks at me, He sees Jesus. Why? Because Christ came and took all of those labels, titles and past images and shoved them aside to look at my heart, making it brand new. He looks at me and sees a sister, a friend, a child of His Father's. God looks at me and sees His child who took my place on the cross to make those other images get destroyed by fire. When I look in the mirror, sometimes it is hard to see Christ looking back at me - but shouldn't that be our goal? Shouldn't we be able to look at ourselves and see the fruits of the spirit at work in our lives? Shouldn't we be able to see His will and His plan unfolding? Shouldn't we be able to see love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness?
Those snapshots and images are a part of our story. No one else's snapshots can take our story away from us. We can't change our story their lives. But we can take our past - the good and bad - and use it to help mold our future image to look more like Christ. We've been in a spiritual battle. The enemy has fought us and there are times it looked like he might win in our lives. But no matter how twisted the enemy distorted the images, when Christ came in, He wiped the image clean and replaced it with Himself.
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