Really, God? You want me to be QUIET?!

"Stay silent"

"But! But!!! BUT!!!!...."

"Quiet"

"But!!!!!...."

"Be still!"

"<SIGH> OK... but you KNOW how hard that is for me! Can't do that one without YOU."

"I know. Trust me. Be still."


So went another discussion with my Father. As we all know, I screwed this directive up big time the last time He gave it to me. So I really wanted to pass the test this go-round.


What is it that makes being quiet so difficult for me? Well, in this case it is the unfairness, an invasion of privacy, justice being compromised, and false accusations being hurled in all directions. I desperately want to point out to the world just how wrong this other person and this entire situation are. However, when we perceive things to be "wrong", sometimes they are just being allowed to persist a bit longer to bring about a change or good out of the whole thing. He is working, even when we can't see it or understand. It's not our justice that needs to prevail - it's His.


As humans, our natural instinct is to protect ourselves (and others)... whether that's from a physical assault, a verbal attack, or an influx of emotional pain. We immediately want to react when someone does or says something unfair or unjust - or just plain out wrong. There are many times when God would rather we hold our tongue and remain silent. This past week it was as if God wanted to make sure I "got" the lesson last time and learned to keep my mouth shut when He said to be still/quiet. I can't tell you how many times I've started to comment on a Facebook post about it, respond to an email about it or even include details in this blog about every lie or insult that's been spoken in the past week. Every single time I hear the two quotes of the weekend (along with Cindy's "SHHHHHH!"):

"Your silence will point out the fools in the whole situation"

and

"it is God's will that your honorable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you." (1 Peter 2:15 NLT)

Now... some people have said that it sounds as if I'm calling the other party a fool and using the words to my advantage. On the contrary... by reminding myself of both of these quotes, I am keeping from making a fool of myself. I played the fool with one reaction. I won't do it again. Not this time. The Bible verse also sticks in my mind as a reminder that I should be too busy doing His work to care what anyone is saying about me. If my focus stays on Him, and I keep my life honorable in His eyes, it doesn't matter what lies or insults get thrown my way. Those arrows will miss every time and fall innocently at my feet. I don't have to prove myself to anyone here. I don't have to point out the lies of others. I just have to lead my life in accordance to His Word and His direction. Being quiet is so difficult for me, but I've learned the hard way how vitally important it is, and how much God can teach me in those silent times.

The next time you are met with fiery arrows from the enemy, simply turn off the auto-react and auto-reply function in your mind and tune in to what God is trying to teach you or show you in the situation. You will be amazed.

Religion or Relationship

Someone shared this with me this morning and I thought I'd pass it on to all of you. This comes from the intimacywithGod.com website.

Religion vs Relationship With Jesus Christ

Religion can be very different than having a Relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Religions are man-made, and are based on trying to get to God through rules and regulations and works. Manmade religions all are based on people's efforts at reaching God and being made right with Him through their own efforts. God's plan for man's salvation and for being right with Him is told throughout the Bible, in the Old Testament and the New Testament. God's plan is not based on people's efforts and good works, but is based on His amazing Love and amazing Grace for us; His plan involved His precious Son Jesus paying the price and cost for our sins on the cross. You need to put ALL of your trust and faith in Jesus and in what He did for us on the cross, and not in any religion or in your own efforts. Simply put all of your trust and faith in Jesus, and accept His gift of salvation and eternal life, and experience the joy of having a right RELATIONSHIP of love with God. 

Religion (Self Effort, Works)

Goal: reach out to God, try to work your way into heaven
Means: diligent service & works, with hopes of a reward (heaven)
Power: good, honest effort through self-determination
Control: self-motivation and self control
Results: apathy, failure, chronic guilt, eternal separation from God

Salvation Through Faith In Jesus Christ (Personal Relationship)

Goal: trust fully in Jesus, then live to please Him
Means: confess sins, repent, yield self to Jesus
Power: the Holy Spirit does God's work in and through us
Control: allow the Holy Spirit to control & direct our lives
Results: love, joy, peace, freedom, power eternal life in heaven

"Man's way to reach God is religion; God's way to reach man is Jesus."

"I (Jesus) am the way, the truth, and the life. No one may come to the Father except through me." - John 14:6

"For by grace are you saved, through faith; and this not of your own, it is the gift of God. Not of works, lest any man should boast."- Ephesians 2:8-9

Just some food for thought for the day. Go be blessed - and be a blessing!

Too Compassionate?

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
(Martina McBride)
 
Have you ever cared so deeply for someone that it hurt? Have you ever poured your heart out to God, begging on behalf of someone else that He would step in and provide a way? Even if that person rejects your offers of prayer or help, or turns their back on you, or completely ignores you or acts as if you don't exist - you still lift them up day after day, week after week, tear after tear falling for them?  

Compassion.

Definition:
Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.


Is there such a thing as TOO MUCH compassion? Is it possible to be TOO compassionate?


What does the Bible say about compassion?


"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
Romans 12:15

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."
1 Peter 3:8

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."
Hebrews 13:3

"Therefore I said, "Turn away from me;
let me weep bitterly.
Do not try to console me
over the destruction of my people.""
Isaiah 22:4

"Oh, that my head were a spring of water
and my eyes a fountain of tears!
I would weep day and night
for the slain of my people."
Jeremiah 9:1

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2

"So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."
1 Corinthians 12:25-26

"When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven."
Nehemiah 1:4

"Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth
and humbled myself with fasting.
When my prayers returned to me unanswered,
I went about mourning
as though for my friend or brother.
I bowed my head in grief
as though weeping for my mother."
Psalms 35:13-14


Obviously compassion was felt by those from Genesis to Revelation, and is still felt by people worldwide today. Compassion is an emotion that God instilled in us. He commands us to love our neighbor as ourself. He wants us to feel the pain of others and share their burdens. When we act on our compassion and empathy, we are viewing people and situations through God's eyes. So if we open our hearts to the sufferings of those around us, despite the pain it causes in our own lives, we are becoming more like Christ. If we feel such compassion towards others, imagine how much more compassion Christ has towards us... so much so that He gave His LIFE!  Yes, being compassionate can cause us grief and tears. Yes, compassion can be a painful emotion. We will never be able to show as much compassion toward our fellow man as Christ showed for us, so there is no such thing as too much compassion or being too compassionate.

Reach out to those in need around you. Show them that someone cares. Let your tears fall if they must. God is right there beside you ready to shoulder the burdens and help you to help your neighbor through their struggles.

Generation of Hopeless? Or Hope?

This morning I received two pieces of news less than 10 minutes apart of two different teen suicides. These two weren't the "type" of teen you probably assumed when I said "suicide." One was a very likeable girl, very active in her church, volunteered in the community, and served on several mission teams over the past few years. The other was a very popular standout varsity football player who had just been offered a football scholarship to a great school. Shortly after receiving this news, I happened to see a post on twitter from a Christian singer asking this:

How real is the problem of youth suicide? Here are the numbers:
Every year there are approximately 10 youth suicides for every 100,000 youth.
Every day there are approximately 11 youth suicides. Every 2 hours and 11 minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes suicide.
Why is our youth committing suicide at such a young age? It should be the most exciting time of their life. 

 

The timing was interesting with the news I'd just received. Even more interesting was that I'd just finished a paper on the youth in extreme poverty here in the US. Adding to the above statistics:

 

In 2007, suicide was the 11th leading cause of death among all ages and demographics in the United States.
Among Native Americans and Alaska Natives between the ages of 15 and 34, suicide was the second leading cause of death.
Among Native American males, aged between 15 and 19, the numbers are even more grim. In a span of five years, 202 young men took their own lives, a rate of 34.6 per 100,000.
In comparison, the rate for males in the same age group was 13.7 for whites, 9.7 for Hispanics and 7.2 for African-Americans.
A U.S. survey found that almost one in five high school students had seriously considered attempting suicide, and more than one in six had already made plans to commit suicide.
Teen suicide in extreme poverty communities can be up to 150 times higher than the national average.

So what's going on? Why are we losing so many teens to suicide?

There are as many reasons for teen suicide as there are teens attempting it. Every teen has his own story. Every teen has his own reasons for contemplating or attempting to take his own life. As we saw today, popular, outgoing, good kids can take their own lives just as well as the troubled, delinquent, outcasts.

As a generation, today's teens are faced with shrinking support systems. Although teens can have thousands of friends on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, they may not have many real friends that they encounter face to face on a regular basis. Gone are the days of belonging to Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, GAs, RAs, Young Life and more being the cool thing to do. Memberships in clubs, organizations and even sports are now considered to be too restrictive on a teen's social time. There is a serious lack of belonging experienced among today's teens.

In addition, families have strayed from each other. In the past, extended families lived close enough to visit often, enjoy holidays together, and share in the day-to-day life experiences of each other. Today, a teen's closest relatives (other than those in his own household) may live hundreds or thousands of miles away, with limited interaction and even more scarce visitation. Grandmothers aren't there teaching the granddaughters to cook, sew or plant a garden. Grandfathers aren't there to take the grandsons hunting or fishing, or to teach them to work on a car. Aunts and Uncles are too busy - or are too far away - to spend time molding, shaping and mentoring their nieces and nephews.

Positive role models seem to be an endangered species today. Our sports heroes, actors, actresses, musicians and other celebrities are failing to provide good examples of responsible behaviors and attitudes. Even our church leaders are falling and failing at epidemic rates. Today's youth need people to look up to and admire. They need to see real life examples of what they can aspire to be.

In the case of one popular teenager who attempted to take her life, parents, teachers, coaches and others are expecting far too much from teens at far too young ages. This young lady said "I can never do anything good enough for my parents. I'm never good enough for my teachers. It's always a matter of 'you can do better' or 'try harder'. Maybe they are right, maybe I'll never be good enough. Maybe I will never accomplish anything. So why bother trying?" This young lady was a straight A student, excelled in softball and basketball, was an accomplished pianist and singer, and had won numerous beauty pageants. When people found out she had attempted suicide, they inadvertently added to the problem. Comments began to surface of "she had everything" and "she was perfect" so why would she try to kill herself? It may have seemed this girl had it all on the outside, but inside, she had nothing that she needed - parents who loved her unconditionally, teachers who supported and encouraged her with positive feedback, coaches who applauded her efforts and instilled a love of the sport, and friends who were her friends because she was herself, not because of what she had become. Our teenagers need to know they are loved no matter what. They need to be hugged, they need to see that people care, and they need to hear daily "I love you" from adult influences in their lives. They need to know it's okay to make mistakes and be taught how to learn from those mistakes and try again. They need to know that it's okay to be average. They need to know that perfection is not an attainable goal. Instead of criticism, they need to be given positive, encouraging motivation.

Bullying has become an epidemic in our schools, neighborhoods, and even our churches. Gossip, perversion, manipulation and outright physical, emotional and sexual abuse are running rampant in every environment our teens encounter. Our teenagers need to learn how to deal with these things, and how to prevent them. Adults need to be actively involved in helping to provide safer environments for our youth. Rules need to be stated and enforced. Zero tolerance for bullying needs to be adopted in these places our youth frequent. More importantly, our teens need help learning who they are and in gaining a strong self-esteem and self-worth, so that these bullying events do not have catastrophic results on their lives. 

I don't think we've reached the point of no return with teen suicides. I think we've reached a stage where people are starting to notice what's going on and wanting to change things. That's a good start. But it will take every adult who has any contact with our youth taking a stand and doing their part to change this alarming trend. There are numerous resources available out there for training, information, support and crisis intervention. We can and will make a difference, if we're willing to get actively involved.

What can YOU do today to help build a teenager up and give them hope for tomorrow?

Changing Seasons

"I'm going back."
"I know you are."
"How did I know you already knew that even before I did?"
"That's just the way He connected us."

And so went another conversation where spirits are connected more than our earthly minds & hearts. Just as significant - so went another conversation indicating a changing season. Normally this would be met with complaint, me begging for consistency, or even anger. This time, it was met with quiet, peaceful acceptance.

People come into our lives for seasons. This particular friend became a mainstay in this season of my life when his sister (and one of my best friends) passed away. We journeyed through our common grief and found a remarkable friendship. Through this journey, we not only found common ground, we helped each other find Christ on a deeper level than either of us had experienced before. We disagreed (sometimes loudly), we pushed each other, we encouraged & supported each other, and we simply walked side by side on this path. Now we see those paths dividing... and it's okay. He has found where God wants him in this next season - and who am I to stand in the way? I can choose to fight it and be miserable, or I can choose to rejoice that he's found his new calling and support him as he goes back to the mission field on a more permanent basis.

I had realized several months ago that the seasons were getting ready to change - not just with this friend - but with almost all of my friends. The one person that I go to for advice has been caught up in her life - working more than one job, going through ministry training and raising her family. In the past this would cause me to stress about our friendship and wonder what I'd done to keep her from being there to talk all the time. Yet, as we've grown individually and in our friendship, I know that if I need her, all I have to do is pick up the phone and call or send a quick email and she'd be there in the blink of an eye - even if I haven't spoken to her in months. The silences are okay. More significantly, we both know without a doubt that we are constantly lifting one another in prayer. That is a comfort beyond any measure. Another friend who'd been distanced in the past few seasons has slowly come back into a more consistent existence in my life. New friends have emerged in the craziest of ways and places, and others have slowly faded into the background. It doesn't mean any of these friends are better or worse than the others, just that our season has changed.

Fall is normally one of my favorite seasons. The changing leaves, the warm days and crisp nights, college football (Go Hokies!), and holiday preparations all put me in a great mood. I welcome the change from the heat of summer into the wonders of fall. I embrace these changes, even when I know they won't last forever. Why then have I been so hesitant to accept the seasons of change in life? Why did I struggle to hold onto certain seasons instead of letting them grow and change as they must? Anyone with kids knows this struggle. You want to hold onto those baby kisses and chubby fingers forever - but every day they are growing and changing. We can't make seasons last. We can, however, choose joy in the changing seasons and ride the winds of change with a positive attitude, grateful heart and expectant spirit. God may have a bounty of blessings in store for us in the next season, and we may miss it if we're too busy holding onto the past season of life.

Kara's favorite quote is so applicable in this changing of seasons... "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Broken Ladders

It's that time of year again. Suddenly the whole world wants to remember the events of 9/11. Everyone's changing their profile pictures to something patriotic or some sort of memorial picture. People are posting status updates and blogs about it, or uploading pictures from the site. There are questions posted of "where were you" or "what do you remember?" There are hundreds of stories all over the newspapers, TV and internet from survivors or family members. Then, there's the rest of us. The ones who live with 9/11 every day and who don't need a special anniversary or time set aside to remember.

Even more frustrating this year is the release of several books, one of which hits way too close to home. Meant to serve as a memorial tribute and encouragement, this book was written by a psychologist. My husband's psychologist. I learned more about my husband's experiences with 9/11 by reading the book than I have in 7 years of marriage to him. Along with those memories came some very heart-wrenching truths that he shared in confidence with this counselor, only to be read by me and others mentioned in the book, causing old wounds to rip open, new realizations to appear, and harsh realities to be unveiled. Yes, the counselor puts the disclaimer in the beginning that names have been changed and stories altered a bit to protect the identity of those really discussed. But, when she outright tells you which character is you, the rest just kind of falls into place. I don't know which was more difficult to digest - learning truths so many years later, or reliving some of the things we'd put to rest so long ago. Thanks Liz - or not.

People tell us all the time, "we get it," "we understand," "we are here for you," "we know." Really? No, you don't. No one gets it. Just like I don't pretend to understand what the widows and kids have gone through, nor what each surviving firefighter went through, or their wives and kids. The only reality I know is ours: what Don and I have journeyed through both individually and together since 2001. We've climbed up the ladder out of the pit of the disaster. Sometimes we get slowed down, or we slip a few rungs. Events like the death of Bin Laden or a terrorist attack overseas can cause us to trip up on our climb. Things like reading the book can break a rung we're standing on and cause us to tumble a bit. But we're both still there on the ladder, together, still climbing. We catch each other before we fall too far. We've climbed too high to let broken pieces of the ladder send us back to the beginning. If we're going to fall and hit rock bottom, it'll be together.

Each year we're faced with the decision of what - and how much - to share with our kids about that day. We're forced to decide whether to include them in the day at the firehouse, or keep them sheltered a little longer. Looking around at their faces this year, and knowing another face is soon to join them, we choose to shelter them for one more year. They know enough for their 6 years. Their innocent bliss was shattered a couple of years ago. Why make it worse until we have to?

We have come to one major conclusion this year. This will be our final year going into Manhattan and to the firehouse for the anniversary. Enough is enough. We both want some distance. We want to get away. We want to leave the memories where they lay. We want to push the visuals far from us and keep climbing up the ladder without looking back. We'll put up with the interviews and cameras this year, but come next year, we'll be far away from the Big Apple on this day. Politicians, media, and people who think they are doing a good thing by making big celebrations of the event each year can participate without us. We'll remember in our own way, every day, as we see the picture of Sal & Don in the hall, or when we come across a card some schoolkid gave us during the recovery.  We'll remember with each doctor visit or each encounter with a friend who was there. As Jack said on the 5-year anniversary, 9/11 is something that happened. It happened to us. It is something we live with every day, but it does not and should not control us. We move on. We have to. We never forget. We carry it with us every second of every day. It's there. It's not going to go away. But it's not the boss. It's not in charge. We choose to remember and reflect, and we choose to live our lives, just as our friends we lost would have wanted us to do.

Save us the empathy and words meant to help. They don't. Sorry to be so blunt and harsh - but they do nothing but irritate us more. This post wasn't written to encourage comments of sympathy. It was written to give you more of a glimpse inside, more understanding, and more about us. Read, reflect, come to your own conclusions, and leave us be about this day in history. Let us deal with it together, in our own way, in the way that has helped us survive so far. We're climbing. We're okay. We're going to make it. We've come so far and we're doing fine. We don't expect you to get it or understand. In some ways, we don't want you to. It was our experience, our journey, our situation to work through together, as a couple and as a family. Just let us keep climbing in peace.

You call yourself a preacher?

Watch your toes. If they are pointed the wrong way they may be stepped on with this blog.

You call yourself a minister? A preacher? A man of God? A priest? A pastor? You are a leader in your church? People look to you as an example? Well, do us all a favor... if you are going to insist on practicing unforgiveness, having extramarital affairs, participating in drunkeness and blatantly living in habitual sin, stop referring to yourself as one of these leaders of our faith. You are giving Christianity a bad name.

I am so sick of hearing people complain about Christians claiming to love Jesus and then living lives that are anything but Christlike. Especially the leaders in the church. I am not perfect -nor do I claim to be. Far from it. But when God or my fellow believer brings a sin to my attention, I work on it. I don't ignore them and continue the sin in my private life while getting up on stage and preaching against the very same thing.

If you are teaching people to be forgiving, you are in no place to refuse to speak to someone who has asked for your forgiveness. If you are teaching people to be faithful to their spouse, you have no business going out in secret and engaging in inappropriate activities with those of the opposite sex. If you are teaching people to be honest, stop lying! Hypocrisy is alive and well in the Christian church. And we wonder what's wrong with the church today?!

I realize this is not my typical blog and I know this will not be well-received by many - but I will not apologize. Again - I know I'm not perfect and I'm not claiming to be. I'm simply asking that if you are going to be a leader in the church, step up to the responsibilities of character that come with it. If I've stepped on your toes, well, maybe you should turn yourself back to facing Christ so your feet will be pointed in the right direction and this blog won't offend you.

It Takes a Village

We've all heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." I was certainly raised by a massive village of people. I can't even begin to list the names of all of the adults who had a hand in shaping me into the person I am today. Sadly, as I get older, I am losing members of that village one by one. As I mourn the loss of them here on Earth, I also have to rejoice at several things. I know they will be greatly rewarded in Heaven for investing so much time and energy into so many lives, including my own. I am so very thankful that I was at the receiving end of their guidance, advice, love and direction. I am also very thankful that the lessons they instilled in me as a child not only have stood the test of time, but can now be instilled into my own children - and other children I have contact with - in the same loving manner.

This morning I learned of the loss of Grandma Rose - aka "Shorty" - from camp. I can remember Rose being a part of my life from the time I was in 3rd grade on. She seemed old to me as a 9 year-old, but she never seemed to age as I got older. Every summer I could count on her being at camp, fussing over our grocery requests, handling the first aid and business end of camp, and just being a strong leadership presence during our weeks there. Every January I could count on seeing her during Girl Scout cookie sales. She was the main woman when it came to overseeing the cookies. I remember going to her house to pick up my order of cookies and seeing massive piles of cookies throughout her entire home. Her poor husband must have hated that time of year. During the 27 or so years that I knew Rose, I can't ever remember her losing her temper or being mean. Ever. Yes, she got angry, but the way she dealt with it and displayed it were exceptional. Never harsh, just very to-the-point and no-questions-asked. You knew when she meant business. She was such a hard worker, and completely devoted to giving of herself to help young people and the camp.

As I reflected back on the influence Rose had in my life, I thought about my own children. Am I keeping enough adults actively engaged in my children's lives to be positive influences and role models? Who will be the villagers involved in helping to shape my children into respectful, responsible adults? Who will be the added "grandmas" and "uncles" who will touch their lives with significant truths or lessons?

I prayed this morning for the villagers who will have a hand in my children's lives. I gave thanks for the people like Rose in my own life. I also prayed that I would be a consistent contributor to the village of those children whose lives I have contact with. It really does take a village, and we all need to do our part.

Standing in the rain at a rest stop...

Yesterday it started raining. It turned into a full-out storm. The potholes in the road were horrendous. There were ominous signs everywhere. I kept trying to drive through - knowing it was nice and sunny not too far ahead. Finally, I had to give in. The bumpy, wet road was just too much. I pulled into a rest stop. I was weary. I stood there for a few minutes, storms raging all around, soaked from head to toe, looking up. My heart was heavy, but my spirit was trusting and still. Before long, a friend showed up. He walked over and stood beside me, covering me with an umbrella of prayer. Another friend walked over. She wrapped a blanket of encouragement around me to try to dry me off a bit. Another friend walked over, stood with us in that little huddle and began singing a song. The four of us stayed there for a bit, resting, singing, drying off, and just drawing strength from one another and Him. A break appeared in the clouds and we moved together back onto the road. I realized in that moment that none of the three friends of mine knew each other. Their only common bonds were myself... and Jesus. It didn't matter. They worked perfectly together to make the necessary repairs and get me back out on the road. As we began moving forward, I marveled once again at how incredibly beautiful the body of Christ is when it moves as One. I said a prayer of thanks to the Father for allowing these great friends to journey with me on this road, stand in rest stops with me in the rain, and encourage me along the way to the finish line. It's a long, hard road, but we're going to cross that finish line together. He promises.



Arrows to the heart

God has been teaching me a lot about obedience over the past two years. Unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering, all-out obedience. Sometimes those lessons have proven quite painful.

One of the things He seems to like to do is put people's faces/names on my heart to pray for and encourage. On it's own, that sounds pretty simple. But He doesn't give me people that I want to pray for and encourage. No way. That'd be too easy. He gives me people that are as far from my comfort-zone as possible. People who have hurt me in the past. People who are way above me on the social scale, whom I would normally have nothing to do with. People I barely know and whom I feel weird about contacting out of the blue to say "hey - just wanted to let you know I was praying for you. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know!"

Then there is this one person. It's the one that really pressed that "unquestioning" part of the obedience lesson. In fact, I initially failed that test. As soon as I felt that person land on my heart I flinched and said "REALLY, God?!?! REALLY?!?!?!?!? Are you SURE?!?!?!?!!?" To this day I find myself wanting to go running to my Father in tears begging Him to choose someone different. You see, at first I barely knew the person. I knew nothing of their struggles, their heartaches, their sins, or their life. I didn't really want to know. They were of the "celebrity" sort and the kind of person I've tried my best to avoid at all costs for many years. As I began praying for this person, not knowing what I was praying for, I felt my heart start to melt a bit for them. When God pushed me to reach out to this person you should have seen the backpedaling. So much for "unhesitating." I was begging for a sign that I was wrong receiving this message. I was hoping and praying it was just my own mind & reasoning playing tricks on me and not really God's voice directing me down that path. But, as He would have it, He was serious. So I did the scariest thing I'd ever done in my life. I contacted this person and shared with them what God was doing. The reaction I got was anything but what I expected - and was total confirmation that I was doing what He'd asked of me. Obedience.

Then came a surprising twist. Where I'd had so much to say to this person and share with them, I suddenly got a new directive. "Be still. Be quiet. Wait." Well you know that one was hard - especially for me. I'm a fix-it person. If I know what's wrong I want to rush in and make it all better. I thought "what do you mean, wait? I'll try..." I waited. And waited. Finally, He led me to just give a simple encouragement follow-up. Did it. Got further confirmation I was on the right track. Then "Be still!" again. UGH! It was so frustrating, but I knew He was testing my obedience. He'd brought me so far in this area, and I knew I really needed to just trust and obey.

Somewhere along the way I learned to love this person. I cared deeply for them. Not in any type of lustful or sexual way, but in a Spirit-filled brotherly love that could only come from God Himself. Gone were any hesitations and in their place were a new boldness and confidence. I'd never been so certain and sure of God's lead and was embracing it for all it was worth. My heart broke daily for this person and their struggles. I cried out to Jesus on this person's behalf for hours upon hours. I watched God begin to move in this person's life. I watched the walls start to come down. Slowly.

Then the unthinkable. I cracked. I started listening to myself instead of Him. I decided that this person needed to hear what I had to say about something. As you can imagine, this started a disaster of a fall. Instead of building this person up and encouraging them, I found myself pointing out what they should be doing and could have done. I found myself praying about their faults, instead of lifting them up to the Father with care and concern. I lashed out at this person when they said something I didn't agree with. Obedience was gone. Trust was gone. That fragile relationship was gone. I blew it. I had taken something so supernaturally precious and squashed it in a moment. Of course, then I did what we humans think we always have to do when we mess up. I tried to fix it. I tried to make things better. Fail. Big-time fail. In fact, I'm pretty sure I made things worse.

I asked God to either give me an open door with this person, or to move me. He chose to move us both - in very opposite directions - and in very clearly defined boundaries. There was no gray area about it. All contact ceased. Completely. I finally realized that I must completely give this person back over to God and pray that someone else would come alongside them to help guide them back where He wants them.

Today I was given a glimpse into that person's life through a mutual friend and I just hit my knees crying out in prayer. I was heartbroken. I begged God not to let my mistakes and disobedience cause this person to stumble further. I questioned whether some things were my fault and what would have happened if I'd have simply stayed obedient and not gone my own way with it. I questioned why God put this person in my life to begin with, knowing it was going to lead to so much hurt and rejection. It took a long time with God to reach the point of forgiving - myself first of all, and this person for the things they'd done out of hurt and in retaliation. I had to let go all over again - though I didn't realize I'd ever reached out and latched onto it again.

God has used this whole situation as a learning tool. I have a very real visual now of what can happen when we try to take over and do things our way, or rush things along in our time not His. I learned the hard way that unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering obedience can be very hard, but it's much easier than the hurt and pain disobedience can cause.

Recently a pastor shared the verse - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29. When I heard it I thought "yep, that was my mistake a few months ago." Then I realized, I'm still making that same mistake. Every single day. I keep trying to tell people things that they should stop doing or do better. I keep pointing out flaws. That's helping no one. As I pray I'm focused on people's faults. Totally unnecessary. God is already very well-aware of all of our faults, flaws and shortcomings. He doesn't need do-good Christians to help point them out to Him. When we pray, we need to ask God to bless the people we are praying for. We need to thank Him for their good traits. We need to praise them to Him. We need to lift them up. When we talk to them or about them we need to say only things that will build them up. This world is shooting enough arrows through people's hearts. They don't need more pain. They need someone to care and help bind up the wounds. We need to guard every word that comes out of our mouths. Your words can drastically change a person's life - for better or for worse.

Are you going to be the archer? Or are you going to be the encourager?

Keep RUNNING

You know Debbie Downer, right? She's the friend who is always complaining and finding something negative to say, even if we're right in the middle of celebrating something joyous. Someone's face popped up in your mind, didn't it? Here's a tough one for you - how many times have YOU been Debbie Downer?

We hear it all the time - choose joy, be happy, smile, let things go, it's all good... but the truth is life HURTS sometimes. It's impossible to stay happy 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - especially when we feel like we are under a full attack by the enemy. However, though we may cry, suffer, or ache for a while, we can choose to be filled with joy during those struggles.

One thing we can remember is that nothing we go through here on earth can compare with what Christ endured on the cross for us. While He was hanging there, he bore all of our sin and shame. All of it. Yours, mine, your neighbors... everyone. All at one time. God the Father had to turn His face from His child in that moment. Once we accept the gift of salvation, we can rest assured that we will never experience the pain associated with God turning His face from us. We will never endure the same level of agony that Christ then. Never.

How do we choose joy? How do we find comfort in those moments?

We turn our eyes away from the problem and towards Jesus' face. We focus on Him. Period. As we do, the distractions, the pain, the troubles - they will all fade from view. We will be completely wrapped in His loving embrace and He will carry us through the valley and up the mountain.

We must also remember we are not alone in our struggles. You are never going to be the first to go through something. There is nothing you can face that hasn't been faced by someone before. The times, locations, atmosphere, etc can change, but the root problems do not. We are all in this race together. Not one single person can finish this race until we all do. We must all cross the finish line together. Instead of racing ahead of your brothers and sisters when things are going well, slow down and come beside the, encouraging them along. Instead of throwing your hands in the air, stopping and giving up the race, call out to those in front to help. None of us are mind readers. Sometimes we may not realize that you've fallen behind or are struggling. Speak up! Don't be afraid to reach out. You'll find that many others have been right where you are and can offer you valuable insight to guide you through.

Finally, remember that God can and will bring something good out of every trial. Each difficulty becomes an opportunity for His glory to shine. Keep your eyes and ears open for the good things He wants to show you in the midst of your storms. Ask Him to open your heart to receive these blessings no matter what the circumstances around you are.

A Bible passage that has been resurfacing over and over these past few weeks is Psalm 126:5-6: Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

Someone asked me last night why life hurts so much. I've become more comfortable answering this question over the years, but it still breaks my heart to hear so many people searching for the answer to this question. If life was easy and perfect, why would we need a Savior? If we didn't go through trials and struggles, how would we learn to trust God? To rely on Him? If He didn't help us through our lives and hold us in His arms in the tough times, how would we learn how much He loves us? How strong He is? The Bible tells us that these trials will come so that our faith will be proven genuine, and will result in praise, honor and glory when Christ returns (1 Peter 1:7). We are being tested. He wants to know our faith is genuine. He didn't promise us a life free of pain and trouble. In fact, He outright told us that we would face many trials and sorrows (John 16:33). But in James, chapter 1, He also says that He will work through these trials, and that they serve a bigger purpose.

Life is not supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to be pain-free. It's a race. Any runner will tell you that running can hurt! However, if you fix your eyes on Jesus and keep running the race with perseverance, there is a much greater joy than you could ever imagine waiting at the finish line. Did you fall down? That's okay! Get up, let Him help dust you off and heal your wounds. Then grab the hand of a fellow runner and keep moving forward. We have work to do!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:1-2

Father's Day

There are several types of people when it comes to Father's Day.

There are those who grew up with "the best dad in the world." You know, the guy who was always there, gave great advice, taught the children everything they knew, and became (or will become) the best grandpa in the world.

There are those who grew up with a nightmare of a father. One who struggled with addictions, didn't know how to love, hurt the child physically, emotionally or sexually, etc.

There are those who grew up without a father. Either they don't know who their father is or their father left before they were born. Or, their father died early in their childhood and they never had a chance to get to know him.

There are those who grew up with a dad who was neither great nor horrible. Just your average dad. Maybe he worked a lot, or just had a distant personality. Maybe he was a great person but didn't know how to really invest in his kids' lives. Or maybe he spoiled his kids and they grew up thinking their dad should always take care of them.

Regardless of which of these categories - or any other - you fall into, tomorrow is a day set aside to honor "dad". If you don't think you have a "dad" to honor, you're wrong. There is a Father who loves you more than you could ever imagine - enough to die for you! He is a Father to the fatherless. He is perfect love, compassion, grace, truth, strength and more - all rolled up into one immeasurable package. He is there for you no matter what time it is, no matter how far you've run, or how badly you've messed up. He's there cheering you as you journey through life, and there to comfort you when you are hurting. He is the picture-perfect Father. The best dad EVER.

The best part of it is - we don't have to set aside one day a year to honor Him. We can honor this Father every minute of every day. Think about what you can "gift" to this Father. Your praise. Your obedience. Your trust. Your whole heart, mind, and strength. Your entire being. Maybe tomorrow, the best gift you could give Him is complete surrender to Him. Find a way to say "Happy Father's Day" to your eternal Father - not just tomorrow - but every day.

Customer Service is not Dead!

Today I had two separate encounters that made me take a step back... and smile! BOTH involving customer service!! Shocking, I know!

I had three really heavy boxes to ship out to one of my sponsored families in South Dakota. I knew the rates were going to be high, so I went to a local postal connection shop I'd heard of that would send them the quickest, cheapest way possible - whether that was USPS, UPS, FedEx or DHL. I'd done my research online to see about what I should expect to pay. I didn't want to be too shocked by the price in the store!

As I arrived and began lugging the three boxes in, a middle-aged man asked if I needed any help and began drying off my boxes since it of course began raining just as I started carrying them in the door. Then he asked me for the piece of paper I had in my hand with the address. He made some small talk as he began weighing & measuring the boxes. He really seemed like a nice gentleman. What I noticed was, as other people came in the door, he seemed to know each of them by name, and was truly happy to see them. He obviously loved his job. He asked me what I was sending (to be sure I wasn't shipping something like guns or drugs I guess - like someone would admit to it if they were - but anyhow...). When I explained they were clothes & blankets & such and he noticed the name and address, he asked if it was a type of donation. I said yes, the items were going to a family I sponsored on the reservation. He didn't say anything else, just continued to label and prep the boxes for shipment. Then he transferred the information to his checkout computer to ring up the sale. He said something about "now we'll do our part" and then pushed a button. Suddenly a 10% discount on each package popped up. He'd already done his best to get me the lowest rate possible, and now he was taking it upon himself to help out even more by discounting it. When I tried to thank him he brushed it off. I walked out of the store determined that if I ever need any service they provide for the rest of the time I live here, they get my business!

So then I drove over to CVS (again) and had a frustrating time checking out. I tried to think about the positive experience I'd just had and focus on getting out of there in one piece. Daniel had asked me for a vanilla shake to help soothe his throat so I stopped at a locally-owned ice cream shop to grab one. It did not surprise me to see a teenage girl working the counter. Most teens who are going to work this summer have already started, though their skill, training and customer service are probably not quite to par yet. This young lady answers a question I had about the sizes of shakes available with a smile. Then she says "yes ma'am" when I finally decided and ordered. I'm pretty sure I stood there with my jaw hanging open. She came over with the shake and asked if I needed anything else. I ordered a pint of orange ice to keep on hand for the sickies in the family. She smiled and said "sure!" and went to get it. As she was getting the ice I asked her if she'd just started working there. She said yes - she was trying to earn some extra money this summer to help her family pay the bills. She kept talking as she got the ice. She was 16 and going to be a junior in high school in the fall. She was the oldest of 3 kids and dreamed of going to college, but needed a "money miracle" to get there. Tears welled up in my eyes and as she wasn't looking some extra bills went in the tip jar. She was so pleasant and cheerful - and very professional - especially for someone her age. As I paid and gathered up my purchase I asked her if I could get her first name. She gave it to me and I said, calling her by name, "I'll be praying for that miracle for you - and I'm sure I'll see you again this summer. Have a great evening - and thank you." I got in my car and immediately said a prayer for this girl and her family. I then came home and found the number for the manager of the store, and will be calling him tomorrow to tell him just how wonderful of an employee he hired for the summer.

As I drove home the thought occurred to me, "Maybe good customer service isn't really dead after all." Then of course came a thought from above, "What kind of customer service are you providing this world? You are here to serve Me and serve them. Are you doing a good job?" Wow... talk about hitting a soft spot. Truthfully, sometimes people just downright irritate me and I'd much rather stay in my own little corner and not come out and deal with any of them. I'd rather be the typical New Yorker and brush past people without seeming to notice they are there. I'd rather stay in my own comfortable world and avoid any contact with others.

That's not what He wants us to do. He wants us to be out there talking to people, or at least smiling at them. He wants us to encourage others. He wants us to share Him with them. We can't do that if we remain in our little bubble of solitude. We need to practice good customer service and help people realize they are each special and each a part of God's plan for this world.

Please just carry me...

Yesterday both boys had to stay home from school again because they were sick. Again. One had a 104.4 fever at one point and the other got as high as 103.7. Never a fun thing for a mom. Both came out to the couch and were laying there watching TV for a while. Emma, of course, couldn't figure out what was going on and kept trying to get their attention. Finally, she came over to me and "climbed" up me like a little monkey. She just wanted to be held. Fine with me. We sat rocking for a while until she got bored of that and went to play again. Both boys had fallen asleep on the couch and she decided to climb on them. Patrick didn't take too kindly to being wakened with a foot on his face. So I told the boys to move back into their room to sleep so Emma wouldn't keep climbing all over them. Patrick looked at me and said, "I don't think I can walk. Will you carry me?" I don't know when my teeny tiny boy turned into a tall, heavy, 6 year-old, but I still was able to comply. I then carried Daniel to bed and both boys slept the morning away. Emma wasn't far behind them to take her nap too.

Later, Emma called for me to come & get her. Normally I can pick her up out of her crib and put her down, and she'll just take off running. Not yesterday. I put her down and she held up her little arms and began opening & closing her little fists for me to pick her up. So I picked her up and carried her back to the rocker. We sat and cuddled for a while until the boys got up.

The three of them alternated between watching TV, reading a book and sleeping for the rest of the day. Each time the Motrin wore off and the fever came back, the boys wanted more of Mommy's TLC. Each time the boys slept, Emma demanded more cuddles and attention. I really didn't mind any of it. I enjoyed the extra snuggles with my way-too-quickly-growing children. I just really didn't like seeing my boys suffer with being sick.

Just before their normal bedtime, both boys were ready to sleep again - this time for the night. We got the Motrin in them and washed them off. As I said "OK - off to bed" Daniel looked up at me and said "Will you please just carry me?" Once again I found myself carrying a sick child down the hall to his bed. This time, though, I had the thought, "Who's going to carry ME? I am so tired and so worn and so weary and so... wait! Someone IS carrying me! God has been carrying me up this mountain for weeks now. Otherwise I'd still be in a heap at the bottom of the mountain looking up towards the peak saying 'I can't, I can't'."

As I felt the reassurance of His tender love and care washing over me again, I sensed another tug at my heart. Pictures of a little boy in South Dakota flooded my mind. I wondered if he was being held and carried anymore, and determined it was past time for a phone call to check in on my little buddy. I thought about a young preteen girl I've counseled, and the struggles she's going through. I wondered if she was still feeling held and carried through the storm. Images of some little children displaced by the recent months of tornadoes across the country rushed in. I prayed that they would feel sheltered in His arms, though their earthly shelter and all of their possessions were gone. I longed to be in 10 places at once, so I could give each kid I was thinking of a great big hug and reassure them that it was going to be ok. SO much hurt right now in so many young lives. So much pain... so much suffering... and I could only be here, helping the kiddos closest to me through their current hurt. I couldn't be everywhere, but I knew Someone who could. Thousands of aching hearts, but One Savior who can carry us all. One Savior who can wrap His arms around each and every one of us at the same time. One Savior who can fully consume each and every one of our hearts, minds and souls... if we'll just allow Him.

The heart-wrenching images flashing through my mind became replaced with images of Christ holding each child close to Him, easing the hurts with a peace and comfort that only He can provide. I went to bed reassured that all was right... because God is still on the throne and He still reigns. I will do my part and reach out and encourage those I can. I will even stretch myself to reach further than I thought I could. If I can't go I will help support those who can. But, no matter what, I will rest in the knowledge that even if I can't reach someone... He can.

Lord Jesus, please keep carrying us up these mountains and through these valleys. Let us rest in the comfort of the shelter of Your arms and trust that You are still greater than all that is in or of this world. Help us reach out to those who don't feel Your presence, and allow us to be a light for You, comforting them and encouraging them. Lord, please, just carry us all.

My constant prayer of thanksgiving to the God of infinite wisdom, wonder, amazement, grace, mercy and love

When will I ever learn?
When will I ever stop doubting?
When will I ever grasp how infinite
how incredible
how awesome
is Your love?

Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more

You weren't taking anything from me
You were preparing me for an unexpected blessing
You weren't keeping me from things I thought important in Your plan
You were creating a beautiful addition along the path

Lord, I couldn't have known
but I could have trusted
I couldn't have imagined
but I could have expected

Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more

There aren't words enough to express
my thankfulness for this
Unforeseen by me
but ordained long ago by You

Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more

Thank You, Father
Thank You
that
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more


---------------------------------------

This is obviously not my normal blog writing. As I sat trying to put words to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions at this moment, there were just the words above - over and over. So - I thought - why not just put those words to paper? Too bad I'm not musical... then it could be a song! LOL For now (and probably forever) - it's just my constant prayer of thanksgiving to the God of infinite wisdom, wonder, amazement, grace, mercy and love.

Are your hands reaching?

Sunday evening, while many were at church services, a tornado ripped through the town of Joplin, Missouri. It seemed it was just the latest in a string of deadly tornadoes across the country. However, this one had the grim distinction of being the deadliest single tornado since the weather service began keeping records in 1950. (a 1925 twister killed 695 and is considered the deadliest ever in US history) Monday morning, the entire country woke up to astonishing news footage and pictures of the destruction.

As Christians, Americans, and just your average human beings, many felt the immediate "what can I do to help?" rise up in their spirit.

Early Monday morning, Ryan and I began contacting friends and acquaintances in the ministry who are in the Joplin area. We simply asked "what can we do?" "what do you need?" "how can we best serve you?" and simply said "we are praying for you, your church, and your city." The response from our Joplin contacts was sobering.

From Fred "Six have lost their homes but not their lives. Just pray for all of us in Joplin."

From Tyler "We have had several families lose their homes and several we are unable to reach. We are trying to coordinate our support however we can but things are still a little crazy. Thank you for your prayers and support."

From Barry "THANK YOU!! Really appreciate your note! Prayer is obviously number one."

From Dan "We have a team out working to help people...thank u for prayers."

From Connie "We had two families and one elderly couple lose everything but their lives. Most of our congregation was affected. We are at a loss for words. It helps so much to know that you are all praying for us. It's the best thing you can do right now. Thank you."

What struck both Ryan and I the most was that prayer was the thing every single one of them remarked on. Every contact we made mentioned prayer. If nothing else, they wanted to know they were being covered in prayer.

The second thing we noticed was how often they kept thanking us - for simply reaching out. They were overwhelmed with what they were facing, yet they were grateful. They didn't know what to tell us to send, but they said thank you anyway. Day-by-day as the lists of specific needs were formulated, each contact ended with "thank you". Over and over. In the midst of turmoil, people were choosing to be thankful. What a testimony to the hearts of these ministers.

Then came the response from all of the people from outside of Joplin, MO. Our inboxes have seen more action in the past 5 days than they have in the past 5 years. We've had youth ministers telling us they had a group of 10, 12 or 20 ready to go to Joplin and asking us to help them with logistics. We had pastors from NH, WA, FL, CA, CO and NM telling us they had boxes of supplies ready to ship and asking where the best place to send them was. We had individual after individual telling us they had anything from baby blankets to groceries, gift cards to work gloves and asking who to send them to. We had people asking us if they could "adopt a family" that lost everything. We had more offers to help in 5 days than I have ever experienced in such a short time following a disaster. We also have to thank those who are more well-known speakers and artists than us - like Angela Thomas - who were instrumental in spreading the word to their followers.

Ryan and I began discussing peoples' reaction to this disaster compared to others - and compared to every other day, when we list needs in various ministries. People came out of the woodwork with arms stretched out, hands and hearts willing to help and serve. It was beautiful to see the body of Christ in action, working together from every state in this country to help those in need. How incredible would it be to see that every single day of every single year?! People coming together as one in Christ to build up those in need. What an amazing sight that would be! Imagine - if it's that beautiful to us to see it for 5 days - imagine how incredibly beautiful it would be not just to us, but to this nation as a whole - and to Jesus Himself - to see believers unite for such a time as this. As we work together to meet the needs of those affected by the storms, we are creating a beautiful worship song to our Lord. We are bringing Him glory and honor and praise. Isn't that what it's all supposed to be about anyway? Serving God - and serving others. So how can we capture this post-disaster unity and make it last? We have seen it after the OK City bombing, the attacks of September 11th, Hurricane Katrina, the rash of tornado outbreaks, the floods along the Mississippi and more. There are people struggling in this country every single day. Where is the unity then? Where are the outstretched hands and open hearts then? What can we do to create a body of believers working together each and every day to glorify God?

We came to this conclusion... it starts with one - and then two. Each person has a part to play. Each person has specific gifts, skills and abilities. Each has his own personality. Each has to have a willing heart. Each person has to decide to do something to help. It starts with two people who both are reaching out choosing to work together to have a greater impact. As those two work together, they bring in two more. And then two more. Before we realize it, we have a mass of people all reaching and working together. It comes down to this - each day one person has to be willing to reach out and do something THAT DAY to make a difference. Then, he needs to find someone else willing to do the same. Then they need to work together and start doing whatever it is to help. As they do, they need to encourage others to come on board. The next day, it needs to start all over again. It doesn't have to be a huge disaster-level response every day. It simply needs to be hands reaching out to serve - and serve together. Or, as was shown by the ministers of Joplin, two people willing to pray together in faith.

What are you doing today to reach out and serve?

For more information on how to help those affected by the tornadoes, please email SERVEministries@gmail.com. 

It's a Veggie Life

I had NO idea which one was saying which line, but the boys were in the bathroom washing up after dinner, and this is what I heard from my seat in the living room...

‎"I'm taller than you."

"No - I'm bigger."

"No - I am. See - I'm taller. Look in the mirror."

"Well - you're not as big as God."

"Am too."

"Are not - God's bigger than the boogie man - so He's the biggest anything there IS!"

I am now very thankful I'm in the other room as I try to muffle my laughter. (and how does every single thing keep coming back to this Veggie Tales line lately?!?!?!)

The discussion continues in the bathroom...

"Well He may be the biggest - but I'm the smartest."

"Oh yeah - God made you - so He's smarter."

"How about we're both smart - but not as smart as God."

"Good."

Where do these two come up with these discussions?!?!

Then, they brought the argument into the living room.

Patrick - "Well I just have to be as big as I am."

Daniel - "But I'm taller."

Patrick - "So?"

Daniel - "But you know everything. I'm still learning. You have to teach me all you know."

I can't stop laughing/crying at this point. Thankfully they are too wrapped up in their discussion to even notice.

I ended up distracting them with my old keyboard. All three kids were happily singing, dancing and playing the keyboard together. Problem solved.

But was it ever really a problem? Or just a really great discussion that can be used as a learning tool?

Just a few moments after this, the kids' grandfather called up from downstairs and asked if anyone wanted ice cream. Daniel and Patrick took off down the stairs, shutting the door behind them. Emma was having none of that. She wanted to go. She had no idea where they were going, or what for, but she was not happy about being left behind. So I grabbed her little bowl and took her downstairs too. She got a big scoop of chocolate ice cream from her Poppy and all 3 headed back upstairs to enjoy their treat.

Emma insisted on feeding herself the ice cream. Daniel tried to take her spoon saying, "Mommy, she's going to make a mess!" I said to let her have the spoon and leave her be. Patrick then asked me with wide eyes, "You're going to let her feed herself?!" like he couldn't believe I was that crazy. I asked the boys, "Do you know how you learned to feed yourself?" They both said no, shaking their heads. I said, "I gave you some food and a spoon and let you try to do it yourself, and I let you make a mess. That's how you learn to do something new - by trying it - even if you make a mess. We can always clean up the mess later." They got what I was saying and settled into their own treats. We had a LOT of laughs as we watched Emma trying to get the spoon full of chocolate ice cream into her mouth - and we all splashed around with her giving her a bath afterwards.



after the first few attempts to get it in her mouth



after the ice cream was finished



saying thank you to Poppy after we got all nice and clean again



Once Emma was tucked in bed and the boys had finished their bedtime routines and were ready to be tucked in themselves, Daniel asked me another million-dollar question. "Mommy," he said, "Does Jesus sometimes let us make a mess trying to do things ourselves so we'll learn how to do it right?" Wow... WOW! Talk about an amazing door-opener... and what a visual!

"YES!! Yes, Daniel, sometimes He does let us make a mess trying to do things ourselves, because sometimes that's the only way we learn that we can really do nothing without Him! He can help us do things correctly, but on our own, we're not very good at it. We make big messes. The Bible says "I can do nothing on my own" and "I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength."* That's why it's important that we keep talking to Him and listening to Him, so we don't make such big messes out of things. But isn't it great to know that He's there - ready and willing to help us clean up our messes and get it right the next time?!"

In my house, you never know just when an opportunity will arise to talk about Jesus with the kids. Lately it seems like it's every 30 seconds - but in all seriousness - I couldn't be more thankful for these crazy little nuggets of time. The boys are hungry to know as much as they can about Him, and I am more than willing to give them as much food as they want from His word! I love that even their "private discussions" and everyday banter include God these days. Learning moments. I know in another 10 years or so I will be even more thankful for these little pieces of opportunity to pour God's words into them while the door is still wide open.

* John 5:30; Philippians 4:13

What?! Haven't you ever seen someone eat ice cream before?!



Slobbery Kisses Here & From Above

My little Emma has become quite the affectionate little girl. From day one, she has been smiling and spreading those smiles to anyone in sight. Lately, though, she's added to this. Anytime someone picks her up, for any reason whatsoever, she starts a grand goodbye. She waves with one little hand, and with the other she is blowing slobbery kisses in between each "buhbye!" If you give her a squeeze she starts planting those big slobbery kisses right on your face. If you aren't looking at her, she will take her chubby little hands and turn your face to hers and then give you a big slobbery kiss. It's not just the goodbyes either. Yesterday, as the boys came home from school, she heard them starting up the stairs (kind of hard to miss all that noise - but that's another story). As soon as the door opened one little crack, she started the biggest celebration ever. She threw her arms up in the air (think touchdown!) and starts screeching "YAY" and "WHOOOO-WAY." This of course made both boys smile bigger than humanly possible and start their own round of "yay" and "hooray - it's Emma!" What a welcome home after a long day of school - and what fun for her to be able to greet the boys that way and be given just as much love and affection in return - times two!

Emma is constantly giving me visuals of biblical concepts. Her exuberant goodbyes and hellos remind me of stories like the prodigal son (when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him... bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: and bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry) and the reunion of Jacob and Esau after so many years (Esau was also running to meet Jacob, and gave him a big bear hug, and kissed him, and they both wept tears of joy at seeing one another after so many long years.) To Emma, it doesn't matter if you're returning after a day at school or just from a few minutes in another room, she is going to greet you as if you are a long-lost loved one finally coming home. As she covers us in sloppy kiss after sloppy kiss, I have to wonder just how much more excited Jesus is going to be when He welcomes us home after our time here on earth is over. I watch Emma trying to jump up and down on her pudgy little legs and clapping her hands in joy and I can just picture Jesus with a huge smile, open arms and rushing over to say "welcome home."

The thing is, we don't have to wait until we're dead, buried and risen again to be greeted like that by Jesus. In fact, we can experience that warm welcome every single time we say His name. When we wake up in the morning and start our day with a prayer to Him, He's there, super-excited and greeting us with a "Good Morning My beautiful child! Isn't this an incredible day I've created for you? It's so good to hear from you this morning! I can't wait to show you what I have in store for you today!" During the day as we pray to Him, He's there waiting eagerly to greet us each time, whether it's been 20 minutes or 20 hours. As we get ready for bed and end our day in prayer, He's so excited to hear from us again and so thankful that we are going to allow Him to be the last conversation we have that day, and that He gets to "tuck us in" for the night. He is so pleased to have us calling on Him, making Him a part of our everyday lives. He's waiting each time to celebrate with us and cover us with His kisses from Heaven. The may not be as wet and full of baby slobber as Emma's kisses, but those heavenly kisses can change our attitudes and outlooks, and turn the worst of days into days full of blessings.

Here's the thing... in order to get heavenly hugs and kisses from our Father, we have to turn to Him. Sometimes we're looking towards Him and are ready for His affection. Sometimes, just as Emma takes her hands and turns our faces towards her so she can kiss us, Jesus uses His hands to turn our eyes from earthly things and helps us focus our eyes on Him, so He can gift us with His hugs and kisses (blessings). If you're not feeling the Love, maybe you need to turn your face towards Him so He can kiss your face.

Chaotic Peace

I'm sitting here staring at the computer with hundreds of thoughts racing through my mind of things I want to share, and I don't even know where to begin. I'm at week 3 of the "sickies" (round 7 or 8), and for the first time ever had to back out of a youth ministry speaking engagement. We're facing what Don & I considered to be our worst possible nightmare 6 1/2 years ago when we began discussing starting a family. We're dealing with a revolving door of friends and family leaving to go to the war in Afghanistan & surrounding countries, and those on their way back, or who just recently returned only to find out they are heading back this winter. All 3 of our kids have been taking turns since mid-November with this same respiratory and eye infection. There've been countless funerals and announcements of those who are finding out they are sick from 9/11. We've had the announcement of Bin Laden's death followed by constant droning of military aircraft over our city, reminders of the 10 year anniversary coming up, and discussions of our plans for this year's firehouse breakfast/lunch and whether I will risk going to lower Manhattan to be with fellow responders for the anniversary, or whether we all play it safe (out of fear?) and stay home that day - or even get away from NYC altogether for that weekend. I've had to deal with this wrist injury for almost 3 months, Don's had his physical issues to continue dealing with, and other family members have had health issues come up. On top of all of these stressors are the normal everyday things we have to do - raising our kids, keeping the house livable at least, my schoolwork, his work & traveling, t-ball practice, the boys' homework, extended family responsibilities and demands, and expectations from friends to at least remain on speaking terms if not see each other once in a blue moon.

In the midst of all of the storms raging around us, there has been a bubble of absolute peace over our house. Never has it been so calm inside these four walls. Each day when I wake up, instead of seeing all of those storms, I am seeing God's hand. Each day as we focus on the tasks-at-hand and do what has to get done, I'm trusting that He's got it all under control. Each night as we go to bed, we're not laying down with burdens or troubled hearts. We're resting in complete peace.

Someone asked me the other day how I can stay so positive and strong through all of the chaos going on in our lives. I just laughed. It's not me. If it was up to me to be happy, positive, full of joy or strong through this - I'd be a heap of a crying mess curled up in a ball on the floor blocking out the sights & sounds. Thankfully, it's not up to me. All that's expected of me is to keep my eyes on the Father, trust Him, and walk in obedience to His directions. At times it seems that I'm on a tightrope 1000 miles in the air with winds howling all around me, but there is no fear, no uncertainty and no doubt. I'll admit - there's been some frustrations. But each time I start to feel those frustrations surface, He's always reminded me that it's all in His time, not mine, and to not lose heart.

Would I voluntarily choose to go through these storms? No. But I wouldn't trade this time in our lives for anything, because it's during these storms that we're seeing His work in our lives and seeing His hands moving. I heard someone say this week "In order to learn peace you have to experience chaos." It's true. Now we know what Jesus meant when He said He would give us the "peace that passes all understanding." I can't explain the peace to you. All I can say is that we are calm, we are at peace, and we are free to continue living without fear, no matter how bad the storms around us get. They can keep blowing all they want - because I know they can't get to us. They can't shake us and they can't destroy us. We're being held in bigger Hands.