Learning to Fall - Spiritual Gymnastics

This morning, in the craziest of times and places (at least in my opinion - probably not His), God put a thought in my head, "I taught you how to fall first, so that you could learn to stand confidently now."

Wow. OK, God - that's cool and all - but what is that supposed to mean?

Seven years ago (!) when I first moved to NYC, I was a gymnastics coach for a competitive club team. Gymnastics had been a part of my life in some way, shape or form for over 20 years. I had spent countless hours over the years teaching little girls how to twist, flip, roll, jump, dive, bound and dance. But no matter whether it was the littlest preschooler, a first-year team girl, a 10-year veteran, or an Olympic gold medalist, each gymnast first had to learn the most critical skill in the whole sport - falling.

A conversation immediately came to mind this morning when I asked what that thought from God was supposed to mean. There was a Level 6 girl named Nicole who was trying to get over a mental block and complete a back walkover on the beam. It was the only skill that was keeping her from progressing. She was up on the high beam and wanted to just do the skill. She got so frustrated with me when I made her get off the beam and go to a line of tape on the floor. First, she practiced her perfect back walkover there. Then we went to the low beam. On the low beam, she could do the skill in her sleep. She did it over and over and over. So then we moved to the high beam with the huge crash mat underneath. Even if she fell doing the skill, she wouldn't get hurt. She went to try the skill and bailed. That is a BIG NO-NO in the gymnastics world. MOST injuries - including the most serious ones - are caused when a gymnast bails on a skill. So - remediation time. I took Nicole ALL the way back to the first days of a gymnast's career - learning to fall. She had to do crash drills over and over and over. I'm pretty sure she hated me at the time. We had her practice falling first on the floor, then on the low beam, then on the high beam with the crash pad. Over and over and over. She looked at me, frustrated as can be, and said "I DON'T GET IT! I'm a gymnast. I'm not supposed to fall. That's the whole point. Stay on the beam. If I'm supposed to be staying on the beam, why am I practicing falling?" I went over the whole spiel about how safety comes first, and one of the most important things a gymnast ever learns is how to fall. By falling correctly,

The lightbulb clicked. That's it, God, isn't it? Once I fell over and over and learned how to respond, and that You were still there and still in control, then You let me stand up to practice the next level of skills. I've fallen so many times in the past, but I kept learning something each time. Grace. Compassion. Humility. Forgiveness. Trust. Obedience. Time and time again lessons were instilled in me - not through my successes - but through my falls. I'd been working through so many issues in the past couple of years and was thinking when I woke up this morning "OK, God, what's next on the list? What are we going to do now?" The only answer (and at the time it certainly didn't seem like an actual answer) was a quote "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams."

Confidently?

Well, I know now what happens when I fall - from various heights, in various circumstances, through various means, and with various results. The fear of falling is gone. If I fall, I learn something. My faith and trust deepen as He catches me each time before I hit rock bottom. If I succeed, I move to the next step, where I'll probably fall a time or two before I get it right. But it's okay to fall there too. No matter how high the skill level is, He is still greater. He is still more than capable of catching me and teaching me a thing or two in the process. He's the perfect coach.

So now that the fear of falling is gone, I can stand up firmly and get going on the next task confidently. He had to teach me how to fall, so I could learn to stand.

My final thought on this matter today was this... "Lord, I know I'm standing now, but please know that I am still falling at Your feet in reverence, awe and worship, and acknowledging that the only way I can ever stand is by You holding me up. Help me to never forget that, Lord. Hold me in that standing position so that I can bring glory to You, because You are what it's all about. It's Your work, Your task, Your skill. Let the glory always be Yours too."