31 Days

Today's the day. 31 days of working out without limitations.

31 days.

Today, I celebrated the last day of my "comeback" month with a 2 mile run. No walking. No intervals. A good, solid, consistent RUN. What a way to end the month. I have never in my life been able to run so far or for so long without taking a walk break. I'm not even positive how I managed to get here after 14 months of no physical activity and only 31 days to build up to it. But, I am SO thankful and feel SO blessed to be here.

One month ago today, I could not even run. I could barely walk a mile. There is absolutely no way possible I could have made it through 2 full miles of running today without the support of some amazing people. Sean, Shane, DJ, Diane and Lori have virtually taken every single step with me. I'm so incredibly thankful for them.

31 days. 39+ miles (some walk, some run, some row). 18 1/2 hours. 11,000+ calories burned. 33 workouts logged. What the doctors said would never happen again just happened. And it's going to keep happening and keep getting better. I cannot wait to see where I'm at after the month of February.

Something else to celebrate. I have been absolutely disgusted, frustrated, angry, upset and many other things about my body. I detest what being sick and not being able to work out has done. I hate being swollen and being out of shape. I cry at pictures of myself because I can't believe how fat I look (only in comparison to myself and my normal pre-sickness weight and size). On December 28th, I weighed in at my heaviest weight ever - even heavier than the day before I gave birth to 11 1/2 pounds of twins. I have never been so huge in my life, and the doctors warned that I would just keep swelling and gaining more if I began working out again. I am very happy to say that I have proved them wrong on that account this month too. I have lost 12 pounds in the past 33 days. 12 pounds! That is not my focus and not what my intentions are - but I am so thrilled to see the scale finally showing signs of all of the hard work and effort. I feel better physically, emotionally, psychologically and overall. I haven't changed much about what I eat - I normally eat clean, healthy choices first with some treats here and there. I have noticed that I've had more water out of necessity (I have to be very careful not to dehydrate) and less tea, lemonade or soda. I've had less chocolate and sugary snacks - they just don't appeal to me at all anymore. But I basically have the same healthy diet I've always had. It's the sheer amount of calories I'm burning that is making the scale move. I hope as I'm able to tolerate longer and harder workouts, the scale keeps moving down. I'd love to be able to say I'm happy with my weight again. I don't ever expect to be tiny again - but I would love to be in the "normal" range for my height and build.

This has been an amazing uphill climb over the past 31 days. I can't wait to climb higher still. Praying that my body will continue to cooperate and allow me to keep working out and running. Praying the doctors don't put a sudden stop to it all. And praying that I continue to be able to find these little nuggets of success to celebrate to keep me motivated. I want these two races so bad. Everything in me longs to have a good, happy, enjoyable race on both race days. I just want things to go right for once. Some days that means I have to keep myself from complaining about being held back when I want to do more - trusting that I'm being kept healthy and injury-free. Some days it means pushing myself when I'm afraid or just not feeling it. Some days it means taking a day off and doing nothing. Again, I'm so very thankful to have an awesome team in my corner keeping my head on straight and keeping me focused on the long term plan.

Bring on the next 31 days!!

"Snow" Day = GYM Day

School canceled for potential snow storm. Literally woke up, looked out the window, and said "How lame." Nothing. No snow to play in. But - day off!!!! I get to go to the gym at a normal hour!!

I spent the morning cleaning out and organizing our pantry. It was a long overdue task that needed to get done. Then, I made the announcement that I was getting ready to go to the gym and if anyone wanted to come, they needed to be at the door and ready when I got there. Teen boys that they are, my boys wanted to stay home and play on the Xbox. But my girls were ready to roll. So off we went.

I dropped the girls off quickly in their Kid City area and headed to the rowing machine. I got in a quick mile for warm up and then decided to do triple sets with decreasing weight on my normal round of machines. On a few of the machines, I was able to add a few pounds more than normal. My strength is finally returning. I pushed myself, and I mean pushed. By the end of 55 minutes, my arms and legs felt like jelly and I could not stop smiling. I miss having 2 hours a day to spend at the gym. I can't wait for summer vacation. At least the girls start swim next week so I can get in 45 minutes to an hour twice a week again. But nothing compares to those summer swim days when I can take everyone to practice and go work out for an hour and swim laps for an hour. That is my happy time.

I'm not sure how happy my body will be tomorrow... but I'll definitely sleep well tonight!

Monday Mania

Today's plan (coach) : 2 miles no faster than 14 minutes/mile. Nice and easy. Try to run it all if possible.

Today's goal (mine) : Run as long as you possibly can without using a walk interval. Push and see what you can do. Doesn't have to be fast. You could almost walk this and be where the coach said. Just try.

Today's run : 2.01 miles in 24:26. Pace 12:10. Oops? But...  BLOWN AWAY - that is the farthest I have ever gone without using walk intervals. I felt like I was going at a snail's pace and was shocked to see my time and pace afterwards. Lots of happy tears after this run. I was able to complete the first 1.6 with no walking. Then I only walked a tenth of a mile and finished the 2 miles running! If it wasn't for the incline convincing me it was too hard, I could have run the entire 2 miles. I know I could have.

Take aways: Leave the earbuds at home and ignore the watch. In fact, next time, let's just turn the intervals off.

I can do it. As I was running, when I got tired or felt like it was too hard or that I couldn't do it, I just kept telling myself, "You're fine. You're okay. You can do this. Just try to get one more minute. Just keep going. You're okay." It worked! I can't wait to try this again!

In the back of my head is this... if I can run 2 solid miles, it won't be long before I can run 3. That means I could potentially RUN for an entire 5K! It may not be fast, or pretty, or smooth - but it is possible. I would love to get there. Asthma, Take that.

I realized this evening, it's been exactly a month since I was cleared to start working out. I feel like I'm not making any progress at all sometimes, but I guess this proves I'm doing a lot better than I think I am at times!

Sunday Run Day

My postponed run went well. It wasn't the best, and didn't feel like a great run as I was doing it, but it wasn't awful either. Time and pacing-wise, it was probably one of the most consistent runs I've ever done. But, I kept having issues with my outfit, and my iPod, and my earbuds, and my shoes. It felt like if it could go wrong, it did. I went from being cold, to being too hot, stopping to shed a layer, then stopping again to put it back on because I got too cold again. It just wasn't happening today. But, the run DID happen, and it was solid for what it was supposed to be.

1 - 12:36
2 - 13:10
3 - 13:14
4 - 13:15
Watch showed 54:10.5  for 4.17 miles with an even 13:00 pace.

I will be SO happy when I can get back into a groove and pace between 10 & 11 minutes/mile again. I feel like a sloth running through peanut butter. It's not pretty.

Zoo Running with the Animals

I ended up taking Friday off. I'm glad I did, though making that decision to have a rest day is always tough for me.

But today... I was supposed to do a 4 mile training run. First, though, I had to get my kiddos to THEIR run... at the ZOO!

It was really cold when we woke up, and everyone bundled in their thermals and running clothes. We headed to the zoo and arrived just after 10AM. Check in was quick and easy and we walked around the route the kids would be running later, just to get them familiar with it, since they'd be going on their own during the run. We then spent some time just hanging out and looking at the animals while we waited for the start.

Around 11:30 we headed back to the entrance for potty breaks and to get lined up with the age groups. I dropped the boys off with the other 7th & 8th graders, dropped a reluctant Emma off with the 3rd graders, and went with Abby to the 1st graders. We took a few photos and then headed back towards the middle schoolers so we could take pictures of the boys as they started.

Emma's group set off FAST. I knew she would never be able to keep up, but at least she was smiling now and having fun.

Then it was the 1st graders turn. I sent Abby to line up, got some photos, and jumped in with her right after the start. My, oh, my can those little 1st graders move fast!! At least in short spurts. It took everything I had to keep up with Abby. She and I finished the run in just under 11 minutes.

We headed to the finish line snacks and goodie bags, then set out for home.

So, then, it was decision time. Do I go run more? Do I wait and run my 4 tomorrow? The weather tomorrow was supposed to be bad, so I'd planned to be sure to get it in today. So I checked the weather. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the forecast had improved greatly, so I made the decision to postpone my 4 miles for a day. Today would just be a warm-up for tomorrow. But what a fun and memorable mile warm-up!

Pushing Through

Medically, this week has been horrible. On Tuesday morning I woke up feeling fine, without a care. By 10:30 AM I was bent over in pain and nauseous to the point I was dizzy. By some miracle I made it through the school day, got home and plopped on my bed. I felt miserable. No volleyball that night, even if I hadn't hurt my hand. By the way, I'm thinking the pinky is just badly jammed, but the wrist is definitely sprained. I don't think it's too bad, and it should heal quickly. Just annoying to have to deal with wearing a splint again.

So, Wednesday morning, I felt a little better than Tuesday and got ready for work as normal. At breakfast though, 2 of my 4 kids complained of sore throat and headache. I thought, "Please don't get me sick. Not now." We all went to school/work, but one came home early. I was tired and not feeling great all day, but survived. When I got home, the plan was to go walk a mile or do some strength or something so I didn't go two days straight with no workout.

I ended up just doing 10 minutes at level 7 incline on my elliptical - at snail pace of 3.5 mph. My wrist hurt too much to keep going. I did another 20 minutes of some non-weighted stretches and strength.

I again fell into bed exhausted. This morning, I woke up with a sore throat. Then my husband said he had a sore throat too. If we all end up with strep...

I called my doctor because I knew I was not 100%. I felt like maybe my problem was mostly a sinus infection coming on and just a bad week overall, which sometimes happens. It could be the stress from last week catching up, or one of a million things that triggered it. After a quick conference, I went ahead and took a Mucinex D - which meant I had to drink a bottle of water every two hours all day long. Frequent bathroom trips at school. Check. But, the congestion and sore throat went away. I did have a headache by the afternoon, but I at least made it one more day at work.

Then, it was decision time. Do I run? Basically, my answer to myself was, "how can I not at least try?" So, I headed out knowing that these two (cold) miles might well end up being a walk. The first 0.25 I felt winded and exhausted. But by the time I hit 0.75 I was feeling better and got into a groove. I made it to 1.5 in that same slow, steady groove. I took a walk break and set out to finish running.

Mile 1-12:43, mile 2 -13:03. It's funny, because I honestly thought they were opposite. Mile 1 felt so much slower and mile 2 felt so much more consistent. Oh well.

I tried to run as much as possible with fewer walk breaks, but since I'm still not feeling great, I also tried to keep myself at a slower pace. I was pretty happy with how long I was able to keep running, especially with not feeling well. I honestly think if I had been feeling better than I did today, I could have slowly run the entire 2 miles. I'm glad I held back, though, because I don't want to feel worse. Heaven knows I don't want to be told to stop running either.

Overall, I'm glad I pushed through and ran today, but I'm also glad I was able to keep it real and listen to my body. I still feel frozen in the 12-13s and that 10 is never happening again. But, I am finding little nuggets of things to be happy about with each run. Right now I'm just praying we all stay healthy and can get to the Kids Run on Saturday at the zoo. I'm also SO thankful to see little green shoots in the flower beds that promise spring will be here sooner than it feels like at the moment. Those stalks pushing through their winter beds are a reminder to keep pushing through. Brighter days are just ahead.

Don't run on ice skating day

So, we decided as a family that in 2019, we would try at least 3 new things.

Today, we went for a free ice skating lesson. Other than Don, none of us had ever ice skated. I have to say, Cool Sports was great, and the $3 skate rental each was the best $15 investment ever. Those were the most challenging and rewarding 45 minutes on ice ever. Each of us were in a different group, except the boys who were together. I was with a very nice coach who immediately asked me what sports I do. When I said I ran, swam and played volleyball, she asked what about when I was younger. I said gymnastics and she said, "that's it! You have great balance and muscle. The gymnastics and running are definitely helping you here. You're picking up on this quickly." Meanwhile, my whole train of thought was, "Don't fall. You have to run 2 miles later. Don't get hurt." I managed to survive the full lesson with no fall, but I was tired. My feet were killing me and I felt muscles I didn't know existed. What a workout.

With another frigid day, I decided to wait until 3ish in the afternoon to go run the 2 miles planned for the day. What I should have done was read my coach's instructions first, before going out to run. His point? Consistency without injury.

First of all, I'm fine, except for maybe my pride.

I stayed with the 3:1 run:walk intervals, but it was a struggle to keep going the full 3 minutes. I was so tired. By 1.3 I was struggling. I was literally on the last 0.14 mile and tripped and fell for the first time ever while running - like 3 houses from home. I slowed my fall trying to recover but still hit funny - and my finger is either badly jammed or broken, and my wrist is likely sprained. Neither will stop me from running - but pretty sure volleyball and weights are both a no-go this week.

My mileage was 2.01, time 25:52, pace 12.53 min/mile with first mile 12:13 and second 13:34. I still feel like I'm moving as slow as molasses. I am not being very patient waiting on my body to get back into the groove and get back to 10-11 minute miles. A 30 minute 5K seems impossible these days.

Taking care of my wrist and pinky and hoping for the best. This is starting out to be a banner week for sure.

Sunday Fun Day? Or just Freeze Day?

4 mile run accomplished, albeit very slowly.

19 degree wind chill was TOUGH but mile 2 felt awesome.

I was tired by mile 3 and at 3.6 I started feeling the numbing in my foot though it never got too bad.

I started the first interval set as 2:1 but then from the 2nd one on I went 3:1 pretty consistently with the exception of a couple of hills that got me.

I know I should be happy with this, but I'm still feeling stuck in the slow zone. I'm glad mile 2 was good because it gave me something positive to focus on.

Going to warm up now. BRRRRR

What a Week

Monday's run was probably the highlight of my week. The rest has been a challenge.

Tuesday, at 3:35 PM, my department was told we needed to pack up and vacate our office by Friday. A new staff person was coming to the school who needed their own private office, so we were being parceled back out to our academy workrooms. {Thankfully, I had already begun creating a little space for myself in a fellow teacher's room, so I just packed and moved to her room permanently. I ended up with more space, less stress and a spot to call my own. The downside was, I wouldn't get to see my 3 closest friends on a daily basis at school anymore.}

After receiving the news Tuesday, my stress level was high, my frustration level was high, and I felt horrible. I knew the tumors throughout my body were likely secreting more cortisol in response to the increased stress, which was in turn increasing my insulin level, and creating the now-familiar neuro symptoms. But, since I had volleyball that night, I knew I would probably get it under control and pull it together quickly... and then volleyball happened. Normally, I love to go play and practice. I enjoy the easy camaraderie of all of the other players. We share a lot of laughs and fun times. This Tuesday, though, I just wasn't focused, wasn't playing well, felt irritable, and just wasn't into it. My co-worker and I left earlier than normal and I wasn't feeling much better. The stressfulness and symptoms continued all night and into Wednesday. But, as I quickly packed and got moved within the first hour and a half of the day, I began to calm down and the symptoms began to settle down.

Wednesday afternoon, I had promised my boys I'd take them to the gym for a workout. So we went. What I hadn't counted on was Don leaving for a doctor appointment in NY before we left for the gym. I thought he was leaving Thursday, not Wednesday. So, I had to get the girls ready to go to the Kid City at the gym too, which sometimes takes some prodding. Thankfully, the girls were on board and jumped right into the car, ready to go. So off to the gym for a quick and easy workout. I rowed a mile as my boys took turns running laps and rowing. Then we did some weight work on machines. I was really taking it easy. I kept thinking I wanted to run, and felt ready to, but I was exhausted after moving stuff during the morning at school, and then organizing off and on the rest of the day. So, skipped the idea of a run and just took it easy.

Thursday afternoon, I wasn't feeling great, it was raining, and I decided it was best to have a zero day. I was surprised that I was okay with this. I was doing so well doing something every single day this year and wanted to keep going, but I knew the all-out rest was exactly what I needed that day.

However, then when it came time to run Friday, I still wasn't feeling great, and I just didn't want to run. I did it anyway, but it felt awful. Just terrible. I was only supposed to do 1.4 miles in less than 20 minutes, running as much as possible. I started out and 30 seconds later just knew I was not going to be able to run far. I was wheezing, my hands were numb, I had a headache, my knee hurt, my ankles hurt, and I was just miserable. It didn't help that I had cracked my elbow in a doorway an hour before I started running. It hurt - enough to wonder if I had chipped a bone. Well, I kept going, miserable as I was, knowing it was mile 1 and knowing it always stunk. But, when I heard my watch beep a 2 minute interval, I thought, well, let's just do the intervals for a round and see if it helps. I was able to run the full 2 minutes, and then the watch beeped again. I walked a minute. At the beep, I ran 2 minutes again, and thought for sure that there was no chance in running for longer than 2 minutes during this run at all. I decided not to look at the watch at all - just listen for the beeps and go with it. I was able to keep consistent with the 2:1 intervals the entire 1.6 miles. But it didn't feel great. It was a struggle. I began hearing all of the negatives and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't push them away. By the time I got home, I was close to tears. It just felt awful. The heaviest repetitive thought was, "if I can't even do a mile and a half, how am I ever going to be ready to do 13 miles in 5 months?" I know 5 months is more than enough time to get ready, but my patience with my body is gone, and my frustration is great.

I called a friend to vent and cry about the run. They offered nothing more than a listening ear, which kind of frustrated me more, but in hindsight, I got it. I sat down and looked at my watch and the stats. Okay, so it wasn't nearly as terrible as it felt. But it wasn't nearly as great as I had wanted it to be. I was still upset and focused on the negative.

I posted my run to my training page so my new running coach could see it. His response confused me completely. He was so encouraging and supportive about the run. I hadn't completed my run that was on the plan, so I was unhappy. But he thought was I had done was great and had no criticism at all.

So I sat down and looked at it again. No, I hadn't been able to run the entire thing. But, I had been able to consistently use my intervals, and knew I could change it to longer running time intervals for tomorrow's (or Sunday's based on the weather) long run. No, I hadn't gotten those 10 minute mile paces down, but I was a lot faster than I had been averaging and had planned on going. It certainly didn't feel faster as I was doing it, but sometimes we perceive things as much worse than they are. So, I felt terrible and had a bad day. But, it wasn't my final run. It wasn't a race. No matter how bad it was, it was still a run. Historically, whenever I had a horrible training run day, my long weekend run or race day goes wonderfully. Hoping that's the case this time.

My friend posted on Facebook shortly after we talked:

Any run, no matter how awful it seems, is better than no run. Be happy and proud of what you can do, instead of being frustrated about what you weren’t able to do YET. Celebrate the small victories.

I know I should be grateful to be able to run again, no matter how slow or difficult it is. I know it takes time to get back. I just feel like I'm making no progress at times, and I feel like it's never going to get easier. Sometimes it helps to have other people talking to me about my runs from a different perspective.

When I logged on this morning, I saw this:

This one hit home. Yeah, yesterday stunk. But it was still 1.6 miles of running and will still help make me stronger. If the weather cooperates and there's a break in the rain and storms later, I'm going to attempt my 4 mile run. If not, I'm going to get up tomorrow and do it - no matter how long it takes me or how rough it feels.

Another thing that came up this morning - my first mile is normally my warm-up. It's always my hardest mile (until we get to like 9 or 10). So, maybe it's just that my automatic "first mile stinks" mentality that is making these shorter runs so much harder for me. I just want to go out and run 4-6 miles. I know I can. I despise shorter runs. By the time I get warmed up it's time to stop. I hate that. But, I also know my new running coach knows what he's doing and maybe it's time to focus on those shorter runs and drills I neglected for so long. I'm sure eventually I'll be able to see my own progress and my longer runs will get easier again. Until then, relying on the encouragement of the runners around me and that deep desire to conquer Mill Mountain and Tahoe again to keep me moving forward.


Don't forget - registration is also open for the Blue Ridge Marathon in Roanoke, VA. Race day is April 13th. You can use AMBASSADORKRISTI20 to save 20% off any of the race distances - full marathon, half-marathon, 10K or the double marathon. Register at : Blue Ridge Marathon

And registration is ongoing for the Rock Tahoe Half in Stateline, NV on June 15th. Register at: Rock Tahoe 2019

Don't forget to select team CareRunners when asked if you'd like to join a team!

Finally, our CareRunners team is hosting their annual Super Bowl Squares for Charity. Cost is $10/square. Please visit their Facebook page for more info. Help us raise money for some of our favorite charities and have the chance to win $150-$600 yourself in the process! It's a great deal!! 
Find out more at : https://www.facebook.com/CareRunnersUS/

Not a good running day - but an awesome run anyway

4 hours of sleep
Rough day at work
Migraine that hit around 1:15 PM

By 3 PM I was saying no matter how much I want to run, I really probably shouldn't - but I have to - but I really don't want to, but yes I do want to, but maybe I shouldn't, etc.

It's cold and misty/drizzly out. I really shouldn't. What if my headache gets worse?

Why would I stop now? I can do this. It's only 2 miles.

I argued with myself the whole way home from work.

I got home. Changed clothes. Asked my boys if they wanted to run. They said YES! Finally! Company on a run! So the 3 of us set out.

We ran 3/4 of a mile before we took a quick walk break up an incline. I felt great. Then we did some intervals for a bit. Tried a couple of short sprints. Well, I did a short sprint. The boys raced each other to markers ahead. Boys. We kept a pretty steady, slow pace for the majority of the run though. It felt easy. When I hit the 2 mile mark I thought, "Well - that wasn't too bad. That was actually a good run." Wait, what? It really was.

When we got home I plugged in to see what the run looked like.

OK - that's progress. I'll take it. 

And then ... this little blip caught my eye. It was just a tiny blip - but it was there in black and white. It was a short little clip of the run - really short clip - but I had hit my fastest pace from the past for a few seconds. I looked at the inclines and pace - and was happy. I finally smiled about something related to run stats. It wasn't much and probably wouldn't mean much to anyone else - but I am going to treasure this small nugget of a second and enjoy it. 

And the best part of all.... my migraine is gone!!! So glad I decided to run anyway. Sometimes the days you expect to have the worst run ever turn out to be the ones that motivate you the most and bring you the most surprises. 

Is it Thursday yet? I'm ready to run again. :) 

Warrior

Today's goal - "Get 4 miles in. Focus is mileage, not speed, pace or time."

Weather - it had been raining off and on all morning, had cleared, but air was still damp. It was 39 degrees. Roads were damp but not slick or really wet.

I started off with a positive outlook. I knew I could do 4 miles. I had been doing great all week and last week was no problem. However, last week was mostly walking. This week, my goal was to run with some rest breaks of walking. My intervals were set for 2 minutes running, 1 minute walking, but my goal was to see if I could go longer than the 2 minutes before walking.

Ten seconds into my run, my thoughts were, "This is not going to be good." It was cold. The air was heavy. I was struggling already to breathe. Not a great combination for a runner with asthma. I felt comfortable in the clothes I was in - a little chilly, but I knew I would warm up quickly and one of my biggest challenges is to keep myself from overheating, because if I do, my body cannot regulate itself and I could be right back to where I was after the Tahoe half last October. It is always in the back of my mind and something that I pay the closest attention to. I was confident that I was dressed appropriately, but my lungs were definitely a totally different matter. It hurt.

I pushed myself to just go. Not fast, but in a running form, but a slow jog pace. It was awful. By the end of the first mile I was in a very negative frame of mind and was ready to just walk the other 3 miles.

I varied my route a bit today and knew that from where I was, mile 2 was going to be mostly level and downhill. I convinced myself that it was going to be a lot easier and more manageable than mile 1. After all, my mile 1 is always tough. I would not quit unless mile 2 was just as horrible as mile 1 had been.

I started running at 0.82 and did not stop until 1.6. Then, I walked for about 45 seconds. It was then that I decided I needed to stop looking at my watch or listening to the interval beeps and just go. I vowed to not look at  my watch again until I was at least around the loop.

I turned and was on a stretch of road where I could see a green sign I knew was about 1/4-0.3 miles ahead, and convinced myself if I could just run to that sign, I could begin walking for the rest of today's route. I told myself that sign was the finish line. I easily finished the mile running. By running, we're talking turtle-easy pace... like I probably could have been walking almost as fast. However, I was realizing that I had just run further with less walk breaks again than I'd ever been able to in the past. I noticed as I got to the green sign that I was supposed to turn before it and continue on my route, but I thought to myself, if I said that green sign was my finish line, by golly I'm crossing that finish line. So I actually ran to it and then turned to walk back to the route. As I walked what I knew was about a tenth of a mile, I began to feel like I could probably run again. I knew the route by heart and thought, I can probably run from here to the intersection up around the bend. I began turtle-running again. As soon as I did, I heard...

Staring down the face of fear
Gotta keep breathing

I had brought my iPod with me today for the first time since my return to running. I had not really noticed the music until that moment. I began to listen to the lyrics.

I realized I was facing that same fear and that all I needed to do was keep breathing and keep pushing forward. My breathing had actually gotten a lot easier during mile 2, and I knew I could do mile 3 just as well as I did mile 2. 

When the negative is all you hear
Gotta keep believing

I also then realized all those negatives inside my head telling me this run was awful, that I was never going to be able to finish, that I was going to struggle forever, that I was never going to be able to do a 5K again, much less a half-marathon... those thoughts needed to go away. I thought "what would they be saying to me right now if they heard what I was thinking? What would they remind me?" Today is not about time or speed. It's about getting 4 miles in. I could walk the entire 4 miles and it would still be successful. I have already done more than half of this. I can do this. Believe. Yes. Keep believing - that's what's always pushed me through before.

'Cause in the dark there is a light

Your truth it keeps on burning bright

Brave enough to fight the fight

And shout the battle cry

You'll never stop me I'm a warrior

I found myself perking up, believing again "YES I CAN" and digging deep to find the fighter again. That glimmer of light is still there. I can do this. 

When I fall down I get stronger

Faith is my shield, His love is the armor

I'm a warrior 

Yeah, I've fallen pretty far. I'm starting over. But I'm starting over stronger than I was before. I've got this. I can do this. Warrior. That's my motto for running this year. Warrior. 

Every scar on my skin
Is a beautiful reminder
Of a moment when I didn't give in
And I walked through fire

I can do this. Warrior. I can use this past year to remind me of when I couldn't run a step and remember I CAN do this now. I GET to run now. I am ABLE to do this. I didn't give in for the year of being told no. Now, on the other side of that fire, I'm free to run. I can. I will. 

I will keep the hope aliveI will find the strength insideI will keep the hope aliveI am a warrior, I will surviveI will keep the hope aliveI will find the strength insideI will keep the hope aliveWarriorYou'll never stop me, I'm a warriorWhen I fall down I get strongerYou'll never stop me, I'm a warriorWhen I fall down I get stronger

At this point, all I could do was just listen to the lyrics and keep going. My brain just stopped trying to think things through and just went with repeating the words. My thoughts and attitudes had done a complete 180. THIS. This is where I needed my mindset to be when I was reaching for those goals. 

I'm SO glad I decided to bring the iPod along today. Never underestimate the power of the perfect song at the perfect time. 

After the song ended, a fun song came on. With that came a fun thought - "If I can just keep running now until I get to the base of the big hill, I get to walk up the hill and then I can be done!" So, I ran (like a turtle). Just as I hit the base of the hill, I hit the 3 mile marker. So, instead of walking up the hill, I thought, "well, let's see how far we can tiki up this thing." You guys.... I ran up the whole hill! Now, let's keep it real, I was dying by the time I hit the top and rewarded myself by saying I get to walk the rest of the 4 miles. But I was smiling. I had conquered the hill AND 3 miles. 

As I rounded the bend, I began to feel like I had a little more run in me. So I decided to jog easy down the next block. It was easy. No struggle at all. But, I had to force myself to stop running and to just walk the rest of the route. I felt like I could keep going, I knew I was able to, and I really wanted to, but I also didn't want to hear any shouting from my coaches/trainers or doctors. So, I stuck to the 4 miles. But finishing what started off to be the worst run ever with a huge change in mood and attitude was the best feeling ever. 

As I finished the walk towards home I began listing all of the positives from today's run: 

I can run bigger stretches of time/distance. I am definitely coming back stronger than before.

I can push through the tough parts if I just get my focus on something in the not-so-distant view and just keep moving forward. Find a finish line ahead and just reach it before deciding to stop. Chances are, once I reach it, I'll be fired up and ready to go some more. Little goals. Those little goals get me to the bigger goals. 

I did not experience any physical or medical issues during a 4 mile run. I recovered very quickly. I have been eating consistently clean and healthy. I carb-loaded a bit more yesterday than I'd had all week. I hydrated well all week. It all must have worked great - because I felt wonderful. I had some pain in my left foot at about 3 1/2 miles - but that's over a mile further than last time before it started! 

When it's supposed to be a slow, easy, long run, don't worry about the time. Just go and enjoy the run. Stop looking at my watch and just go.

If I can do 4 miles now, in the cold and damp, I have plenty of time to build on that to be ready for 6 miles in April, when it will hopefully be a little more cooperative on the weather-end. 

When I start hearing negatives in my head during my run, I can change those thoughts and start listing positives and reminding myself of the tough moments today when Warrior turned them around. 

When I actually did look at my watch, it wasn't as bad as I had thought. My second mile was of course better than the rest. Okay - so my first mile has always been my worst. It's my warm-up. I need to push through that first mile and know it gets easier as I go. But, really, with this run being a SLOW, steady, distance run, not a time-oriented or pace-oriented goal, I did what I set out to do. It's not where I want to be and certainly not as fast as I have been able to go before, but it's a great starting point. Perspective can help a lot. 

 

When I looked at my pace/elevation chart - I cracked up. Yes - I am a downhill runner. My fastest pace was a 9:58 - at the big downhill portion of the run. My slowest was 18:56 - when I was walking up an incline. I was consistently faster on the level and downhill portions than on the uphill. It's a good thing Tahoe will be mostly downhill! 

Keeping it real again, I looked at my watch and my first thought was, "It took me an hour  to do 4 miles?! I used to do 6 miles in that time! How am I ever going to get that fast again?!" I immediately said to myself, "NO!" I refused to let the negative creep in. I began reminding myself that this was my first "long" run back, that I had 3 months from tomorrow before my race, which is plenty of time, that if I keep consistently following the plan, I'll be ready, and that I have already come back stronger and can absolutely do this in time. It's going to be hard to keep the negative thoughts at bay, because I'm competitive and I'm frustrated with having to start over. But, having neighbors waving and a couple speaking words of encouragement as I passed them, having an awesome group of running coaches/trainers/teammates/friends constantly encouraging me to keep going, and having a plan in place are all pointing me on the way to success. I am my own worst enemy at times and I have got to re-train my mind just like I am re-training my body. That takes time. I'm not the most patient person around (stop laughing), so it may be harder to retrain my mind than it will be to retrain my body! 

Throwing this out there yet again - I really would love for people to join me for one of my 3 scheduled races, or even for a slow jog/fast walk during my training. I do a lot better with staying positive and motivated when I have company. 

So - if you want to join me on a training run/walk, message me. If you are free March 9th in Knoxville, April 13th in Roanoke, or June 15th in Tahoe, please come. You don't have to run if you don't want. Just be there. :) 

Registration for each event - 

March 9th - Knoxville - Solid Rock 5K/10K/1 mile

April 13th - Roanoke - Blue Ridge marathon, half and 10K

USE CODE - AMBASSADORKRISTI20 to save 20% off any of the race distances

June 15th - Tahoe - Rock Tahoe Half

For each event, when asked if you want to join a team, select "CareRunners"

Easy day

Because of the exhaustion, fasting for the med tests and overall soreness, I decided today was an easy day. I only managed 10 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes of weights with far fewer reps than normal. I am tired. But I feel good about the fact that I was able to do something.

So, the doctors told me to keep doing what I'm doing until they tell me otherwise - so I'm going to keep working out to my heart's content unless I get news that changes that. Ready to run again tomorrow. It's supposed to get a lot colder though, so wondering how that will play out.

THAT was a workout!

Tuesday. That means volleyball night. This week, there were only 12 of us there. So all 12 of us played non-stop for 2 hours straight. It was intense. I am SO tired and sore. That was an insane workout. But oh how wonderful!!!! I'm so excited about how much better I'm feeling. I hope this lasts.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor after work for two tests. I'm really nervous. My biggest fear isn't that they'll find something wrong. My biggest fear is that they take away this freedom I've been enjoying since the 28th and tell me to stop working out again. Holding onto hope that things go great.

You want me to do what?

Last week I met the new running coach who works at our gym. He and I sat down and talked about my plan and my goals. We went over the week ahead. He gave me some pointers and some goals for the week's runs and workout days. All that has been on my mind since then is "how in the world am I going to run a full mile on Monday?" Now, putting it into perspective, the actual goal was to take my mile walk and add some faster running intervals into it. My mind, however, turns that into, "how fast can I run a mile right now?" Regardless, the "you want me to do what?" kept me preoccupied most of the day. Then it was time to run. I decided to walk a half a mile to a flatter area so at least my first real running mile back would be flat or downhill to help me out a bit. Call it cheating if you want - but I called it smart survival skills. So I get to the point where I'm supposed to run and I begin. 5 1/2 minutes later I decided to walk. Then I began wondering when I was ever able to run 5 1/2 minutes straight before. I know way back when I first started running, before I got sick, I had consistently been able to run a mile without a walk break. But, for as long as I could remember since dealing with the med issues, I had never run that far without a break. Maybe I was better. So after a mere 40 seconds of walking, I was ready to run again. I only made it about 2 1/2 minutes this time - but it was still better than I expected. I walked another 30 seconds and finished the mile running. My finish time was 10:57 for the mile. OK. That's great for me. I walked the half mile back home and for the first time truly believed maybe this return to running really was possible. Bring on the next mile, coach! I'm ready.

first run of 2019

Well, I guess it counts as my first run of 2019. And my first run back. And a run. But, it was far from great. My girls came with me for the start. That helped. But it was really frustrating for me how difficult it was. I hate starting over. I despise it. But I am determined that things can only get better from here, so I will keep going.

Today's stats -

So, not absolutely terrible. Just not where I want to be. But, we all start from somewhere, right?

Volleyball

Last spring I decided to get back into a sport I'd once enjoyed but hadn't played in a while. A group of co-workers and I formed a volleyball team and played in the rec league in Farragut for both the spring and summer seasons. I loved it. After taking some time off, I went back to it when one of my coworkers asked if we wanted to practice at his church on Tuesday evenings. I have enjoyed it and definitely improved my game. Tonight, there were SO MANY people there, but it was a lot of fun. Not as heavy on the workout end, because with so many people, there was a lot of taking turns, but it was great cross-training.

Speaking of cross-training... I highly recommend ALL runners find something that is NOT running to do a couple of times a week. I sometimes do volleyball, sometimes swim, sometimes bike, sometimes hop on the elliptical, or I go for a hike, kayak (in summer) or play soccer with my kiddos. It is great to use different muscles and push your body in different ways.