Thursday, July 4, 2019

To Run or Not to Run... Always Choose RUN

We headed downtown to the race staging area and I had no clue what the plan was. I knew I still hurt, but also knew I wanted to run. 
When we arrived we hung out with others for a bit and then went on a warmup run. Warmups hurt. Badly. I was leaning very heavily towards not running. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how whenever I get into the groove of a good pace, the pain stops.
I attempted to stretch. Still hurt. 
Talked to coach. Decided to wait until closer to race start to decide. 
Warmed up again. Still hurt. 
Got extremely frustrated. 

Saw the firetruck raise the flag up over the start/finish area... and took a sharp breath in. Complete and total flashback to NYC. I asked Daniel if he remembered - he did. We'd run lots of post-9/11 races and gone to too many funerals to count where the trucks put the flag up like that. I immediately thought of my disaster team and the fact that we'd be seeing another flag raised by a ladder truck soon. I had to force the thoughts from my mind and focus on the race. Was I running or not?! 
Coach put it out there that he would choose not to run at that point. Why push through pain for a race that really isn't on my priority list? 
But a part of me knew no matter what, I was going to run, even if I only made it 1/4 of a mile. 
It was literally an absolutely last-minute decision. We were standing at the starting line still discussing it. I moved over to the side, out of the way of the fast runners, but still didn't know. The girl sang the anthem. I looked at Daniel and said, "Am I doing this or not?" He said to try, but just walk it when it started to hurt. I replied with how much I hate walking in a race, and that's when I knew I was going to run. But how far? As they blew the horn I thought, well, I guess we'll find out. My plan quickly became: try to get in to the groove where it doesn't hurt and see how far you can continue without pain. I honestly thought I'd be bailing before a mile. 
Daniel decided to run with me but then quickly said "You're going to beat me this time Mom." He was struggling with the heat and the late start. I could tell it was not going to be a good race for him. We made it about 1/2 a mile before he said he wanted to walk. I explained that if I stopped running then, I'd probably not be able to start again and wouldn't be able to finish. He told me to go on, so I did. 
I stayed in a total groove from very early on until about 2 miles. Around 2.85 I felt nerve pain in my feet, and some heavy tingling, but I could also feel the heat through the asphalt and knew part of it was just that. Mile 3 was definitely a bit off and slower than 1-2. The pain didn't last long, but the humidity was making it hard to breathe. I was able to settle my lungs quickly and when I hit mile 3 I heard my coach, and knew I was at the finish. I laser-focused on the finish line and just kicked it, and was able to finish strong. 

To go from the whole doctor fiasco Monday to barely going a mile or two Tuesday at run class, to actually going ahead and doing the 5K race - I am glad I ran it, and I am completely happy with the results. If I can do that on a miserably humid night when I'm fighting pain - I’ll take it!

I still don’t understand the nerve stuff and never know what to expect, but I do know now that it’s not going to keep me from at least starting a race. I’m just going to keep rolling with it the best I can. 
One of the best parts of last night was having almost our entire team there. We never got a group photo, which would have been great, but we were all over the place. During the run though, I watched a teammate stop to help another teammate who was bent over in pain, and then heard all kinds of encouragement being shouted back and forth as we passed each other. More cheers at the finish line. It is so nice to have a team to do races with - even if we are all at different speeds. 
At the finish, the lightning was getting bad, so we all scattered. I’ve never seen a race get torn down so fast in my life. It was a rather abrupt ending to the evening of racing, and left me feeling a little on edge and a bit frustrated. I felt bad that one of our runners had placed 1st in his age group, but no one was there for the awards. I'm also SO used to processing races before and after (I was completely spoiled by previous coaches in this area) that I felt like I was left hanging and unable to process through that it had been 60% mental/fear and not so much the nerve pain stopping me. Thankfully a teammate and I continued texting really late and I got some of the words out so that I could let go and move on to the next race. It's funny that I used to think I hated that part - talking before and after a race about plan and what went right/wrong, what could be changed/improved, what we don't want to do again - but now that I don't have that, I miss it! I've got to figure out a different way of handling that. Last night was a little too emotional for me for a race day - especially one that didn't matter in the bigger picture - and I don't like feeling that way. 
Speaking of next races - 
Up next is the Crazy 8s in Kingsport, TN on July 13th. Another evening race. Daniel has already made it very clear that he is NOT in on that. I'm a little worried about the traveling back afterwards with my night vision/migraine triggers. But, I'm looking forward to doing two races on the same evening again for the first time in a while. The first run is a 2-miler, followed by a 5-miler. So, pushing a little beyond my 10K distance love, but not going as crazy as a half marathon. It should be fun.
I'm also going back to another long lost love - a trail run. I'll be doing the Panther Creek 4.2 on July 27th. I found a few other Back of the Pack Elite runners who are doing it and introduced myself last night. I'm looking forward to running off-road again -- though I really hope my nerves comply. 
August is chocked full of races - starting with the Scholars Run 5K in Maryville on August 3rd, then the Butterfly Dask 10K on August 10th, and the Rebel Run 10K in Maryville on August 24th. I'm really hoping for a PR in Maryville at the Rebel Run. Hopefully the weather and my body both cooperate for that day. 
September is a slower month - with a Moonlight Mile in Maryville on September 20th, and a Marine Mud Run on September 28th. 
In October, I return to my hometown of Salem, VA for the Blue Ridge 8K. I'm really looking forward to that one. I'm also an ambassador for that race - so if anyone wants to join me, you can save some money on registration by using code AmbassadorKristi20 to save 20%. 
November will likely be the Oak Ridge Fall Classic 5K and possibly the Secret City 5K.
December starts with a bang - the Run Loco 5K on Saturday, December 7th and then the Dirty South Trail 10K on Sunday, December 8th. 
It's going to be a busy few months of races, but maybe the busy schedule will help keep me on track with running and working out when school starts back up. I'm going to have to figure out a system of scheduling that works to fit it all in and still have time to spend with my kiddos, but I'm up for the challenge. 
And, finally, this morning, I had one more surprise. Today I hit another milestone in the weight loss area. I am now down 20 pounds from my starting weight in December when I was cleared to run/workout again. I'm excited about it, even though it seems to be taking forever. I really hope another 6 months of running and working out helps the scale move even more in the right direction. It's still not a focus, and I'd be much happier if I could actually SEE the progress in my outward appearances, but it's something to celebrate and use to keep motivating myself to keep pushing forward. 


Race Links: 

Blue Ridge 8K and Salem Half-Marathon - http://www.salemhalfmarathon.com/




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