Who's to Blame? Who's got the Solution?

Another school shooting. Another community ripped apart. Another group of young, innocent lives taken way too soon.

Enter the debaters and critics. Immediately everyone runs to point fingers. "It's because of guns. We need gun control." "It's because of health care system is dysfunctional and doesn't help those with mental illness get the help they need." "It's because of poor parenting." "It's because of lack of security in schools." And on. And on. And on.

One of the first reactions from many schools was limiting access to the school - to parents. Let's look at this for a minute. A parent sends his or her son to a building filled with other children and a handful of staff every day for 6-7 hours a day, 5 days a week. The parent is not allowed into the building, can't tell you what his child's class looks like, doesn't know where in the classroom his child sits, can't tell you anything about the child's teacher or his/her style of teaching, and doesn't know what the child is being taught, told, exposed to or witnessing up to 35 hours a week. Anyone think maybe that could be a problem???

I can vividly remember parents in my elementary school. They came to help with class projects and field trips. They were there on field day. They were there for birthdays and holidays. They were there checking with the teacher to see if she needed anything or if their child was behaving. They were very visible in our school. Kids behaved. Why? Because if their parent wasn't there, someone else's parent was - and our parents actually communicated back then. Every parent helped look out for every child in that class - and in the school. They helped control behavior, they helped kids work out problems, they helped clean up spills and tidy up desks, they took kids to the office for a Band-Aid or stomach ache, they helped kids learn and grow - they were there and an instrumental part in the child's education. We had less problems - even in a very volatile neighborhood - because we had a huge parent presence in and around the school. People in the neighborhood saw large amounts of adults - parents, teachers and administrators - surrounding the kids at all times.

Let's go back to guns. The same week as the shooting in the CT school there was another shooting in a mall. The gunman aimed to kill as many as possible, but a good guy with a gun stopped him before he could kill more than 2. Guns don't kill people. Evil people kill people.

Mental health? This is actually a very good reason that needs to be addressed. It's not the only reason or problem, but it is definitely a contributing factor. Having worked for a couple of years in an in-patient psychiatric hospital, and for several other years with special needs and at-risk youth, I've seen firsthand how inadequate mental health care in America is. How do we fix it? I don't know. But it needs to be looked at.

Poor parenting? Maybe. Maybe not. A parent cannot control every single thing their child does. Nor can they anticipate the child they gave birth to ever growing up to do something so horrific. If parenting is the problem, why aren't we helping new parents more? Why aren't there more resources out there and readily available for moms and dads who need a hand?

There is no one reason for anything like the Newtown shooting. Incidents like this happen for a combination of reasons and typically have many factors involved.

What are the solutions and answers to these events? Like the reasons, there needs to be a variety of solutions and answers. Get parents back into the schools and involved. Stop blaming and pointing fingers and be part of the solution. Provide better mental health care and parenting resources. Instead of limiting guns and keeping them from people, let them be used to stop these evil people. Put security in school to keep those not affiliated with the school away.

You cannot possibly stop every incident from happening. It is impossible to dream up every possible scenario and make a plan to stop it. It's just not going to happen. Overreacting and putting rules and laws into place are not going to stop the problem - and could actually make the problems worse. Simply get more involved and more alert. See something - say something. Be proactive. Surround our kids with attentive, loving, caring and trustworthy adults who give them a sense of protection and structure. It truly does take a village to raise a child. BE a villager. BE actively involved. Surround the kids and communities with GOOD.

 

****I've already been asked why I didn't put God into this discussion. Trust me - I want to. I think He is the ONLY answer to all of the questions and problems and concerns. However, that's another point for another blog.****

Joy to the World

"Joy to the world..."

For the life of me I could not figure out how that song got stuck in my head exactly two weeks to the hour that Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy hit my city with a devastating blow. It was especially curious since I was in no frame of mind to think about the Christmas season with all its commerciality while I was working with children who would have anything but a typical "merry" Christmas this year. Yet the song just popped into my head as I tucked my kids into bed and continued playing on repeat as I went about my nightly routine of straightening up the house and readying for the next day.

"Joy to the world... the Lord is come! Let earth receive her King... let every heart prepare Him room..."

Yes, the Lord has definitely made His power and presence known in this city lately. When a group of us had discussed the strong feeling that God was about to do something BIG here on Staten Island, a hurricane wasn't exactly what we expected. However, watching person after person search for and find Him in the storm's wake brought an immeasurable joy. There was no doubt in His power with the fierceness of the storm that hit. There was no doubt of His ability to perform miracles as story after story of "near-misses" emerged. There was indeed joy when our King was received - despite the circumstances that brought it about.

"Joy to the world, the Savior reigns... let men their songs employ... while fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains... repeat the sounding joy..."

When our Savior reigns, there is joy that cannot diminish or fade away, no matter what circumstances surround us. There is a woman here on Staten Island with a young daughter who lost everything. Their home literally floated away down the street with all of their belongings in it. Yet the woman and her child were smiling, and the mom kept saying "It's okay, I know God has a plan. I'm honored to be a part of His plan. I know bigger blessings are coming than the ones that just washed away." The Savior reigned in her life and despite the fact that everything was gone except for her life and the life of her child, she was filled with joy and anticipation of the blessings to come.

"No more let sins and sorrows grow... nor thorns infest the ground... He comes to make His blessings flow..."

He punishes us for our sins. As a loving Father, He must. He wants to bless us with better things. He wants us to turn from things of this earth and seek things of greater value - His things. When we let go of our earthly desires and treasures, we can fully see His gifts. As we let go of our material things we find joy in the things that really matter. As we walk away from our sin He blesses us and brings greater joy than we could have ever imagined. Sometimes He moves and allows things to happen to get our attention back on Him and on the things of eternity. He reminds us that life here on earth is temporary and fleeting. There are greater things yet to come for those who believe.

"He rules the world with truth and grace... and makes the nations prove... the glories of His righteousness... and wonders of His love..."

When the Truth rules with Grace, there is great joy. When He is allowed to rule over all - His truth, His mercies, His will, His grace, His discipline, His love - the joy cannot be matched. There is no greater joy than living in His truth and grace. His glory is revealed when His people respond to trials and tragedies with the same love and compassion that He has shown us. We give Him honor and praise when we serve in His name - showing His power and majesty to the world. After the superstorm, Staten Island was not immediately assisted by the government, by the big-name agencies or by the military. The city was assisted by the people and the church. The body of Christ moved together in unity to reach out and help every person it could. Neighbor helped neighbor - even strangers. Staten Island relied on God and His people to bring help, rescue, care and restoration. Every hand that is reaching out to help another is visually demonstrating His love and compassion. Every gift that is given speaks of His grace and mercy. People are bringing joy to others with His truth and grace.

"JOY to the WORLD"

I guess He was trying to remind me that no matter what is going on, there is "joy unspeakable that won't go away" in my life. Which brought me to my next thought (song). I don't have to worry about tomorrow because He's already there. He's already taking care of what's to come. In faith, I can fully count on Him - and be filled with His joy and peace.

"Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength to live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God
I am counting on
I am counting on God

The miracle of Christ in me
Is the mystery that sets me free
I'm nothing like I used to be
Just open up your eyes, you'll see

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength to live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God
I am counting on
I am counting on God" (Desperation Band)

Yes, I am counting on God. And I will keep singing for joy as I wait.

Aurora CO Theatre 9 - God was still in control

Instead of posting a blog with my thoughts about last night's shooting, I wanted to share this blog from a mom of teens who was there and lived it.

It's powerful. Read it. Share it.

http://aminiatureclaypot.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/so-you-still-think-god-is-a-merciful-god/

Best Mom EVER - but not as good as God

"Mommy - you should be everyone's mom."

Nothing could have prepared me for that impromtu compliment from one of my seven year old boys. Especially since he'd just come out from time out after getting in trouble for fighting with his brother.

"Aww... thank you... I will take that as a compliment," I said.

"You should Mommy. It was. You are the best mom in the world."

Now I'm wondering what he wants. Seriously. What is he buttering me up for now? Even better was his brother suddenly agreeing with him with a "Yeah Mom - you're the best!"

Um... excuse me... who are you and where are the two boys who were just mad at me for sending them to time out?

I gave both boys a hug and kiss, said thank you, and got back to fixing dinner. Meanwhile I'm thinking how awesome God is to give me such verbal reassurance through my seven year olds during a time when I'm struggling to find my footing as a mom. Since Abby's birth almost six weeks ago I've been on a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions of everything from "I'm the worst mom ever" and "how in the world do other moms of four or more kids make it look so easy" to "That wasn't so bad - I survived that" and "OK - maybe I can do this - eventually." Daily I'm begging God to give me the strength, patience, stamina and energy to get through providing just the basic of needs for all four children and my spouse. To hear a message that I'm doing okay - especially so loud and clear - was such a soothing, comforting hug for my heart.

Later, just to keep me humble, the same son comes up to me and says, "You know Mommy, you're great, but you're not as good as God." I had to laugh. I told him, "You are absolutely right! I'm not even close to being as good as God!" Then I laughed again. The other son, with a serious expression on his face, looks at me and says, in a very serious tone, "Mommy, it's not funny. You may not be God, but you are the best mom ever." I tried to muffle my laughter, conceal my smile and acknowledge his thoughts and feelings on the matter.

After tucking everyone snugly in their beds I went to say just a simple "thank you" to my Father for giving me such amazing blessings. No matter how tired I am, how frustrated I get, or how big of a failure I feel like at times, ultimately He is the main parent in this whole relationship, and as long as I keep turning to Him and turning my children's' faces to Him, it's all going to be OK. He's still "got this."

Don't worry - He's got this

Sometimes when I catch a glimpse of everything I'm doing at one time I have to laugh. I can only imagine what anyone looking in on me would think. For instance - I was working on a doctorate level paper, listening to the sound of Bambi playing on TV in the background, watching the clock to make sure I didn't miss the bus, texting a friend, and timing labor contractions. Yep. All at the same time. And that's not unusual in my world. Well - other than the contractions. Welcome to my life - crazy as it may be.

Last night I fell victim to one of the devil's nastiest little tricks - fear. I was overwhelmed with the what if's and I can'ts. I was looking at the weekend with the wrong eyes. My husband was leaving for a week in FL, I was having contractions and had just been told Wednesday "any time now" about our baby girl's soon arrival. My family and friends are hours away. My husband's family is busy with work, the failing health of a couple of older members, and a scheduled family party on Sunday. My "reinforcements" - AKA - friends who are willing to drop everything in their lives and come and stay for a week or two to help out - aren't scheduled to arrive until late Monday at the earliest. Nothing is going according to our well thought-out plans and agenda. Just as I was about to hit the big panic button a post popped up on Facebook. It was a simple picture that read "You worry too much. I have this. Remember? Love, God." I just started laughing through the tears that were threatening to overtake me. His timing is perfect. So is His humor. Then I got to thinking...

If His timing is so perfect with a simple word of encouragement or a reminder of His control in all this chaos of life - how much more perfect is His timing with something bigger and more consuming - like the arrival of a baby or caring for the needs of His children? Yes - my plans are being changed and the perfect timing in my vision is way off. But - in His timing - it's all right on schedule. In His plan there isn't a "what if" or any "oops." He totally has this whole weekend under control. It's been fine all along. What went wrong was my focus strayed and my doubts started to shout louder than His truths stored in my heart, mind and soul.

Another post on Facebook popped up. Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds" song.
     "Don't worry about a thing,
     'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
     Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
     'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Another friend sent me a reminder via text - "The battle's already been won. The victory is ours. Stop stressing. It's all already okay in the end."

By the time I fell into bed last night I was consumed with a peace beyond any comprehension. I knew I could end up at the hospital giving birth at any moment - with or without someone there with me - and it was all OK. I knew I could have to deal with leaving my other three kids with someone at the spur of the moment and would have to trust that they were being well taken care of while I was in the hospital. But it was OK. It wasn't scary anymore.

When I woke up this morning I had several surprises in store. First, my sister-in-law had the day off and took my boys to school. Worry one gone. Over. Erased. Non-existent. Then when she came home she took my Emma and me out to breakfast. That's one way to keep Emma occupied for a couple of hours without me having to chase her around the house cleaning up after her two-year-old wave of destruction. Worry two gone. Over. Done. During breakfast my sister-in-law and I managed to come up with a "plan of action" for the weekend - just in case. Worries three through a million - gone. Over. Invisible. I literally took a deep breath and thought "Thanks God. You did it again. You proved again that I was wrong to doubt and right to let it all go last night. You proved again that You were already many steps ahead of me. I'm sorry I let fear creep in again."

Overnight I had messages from the most unexpected people filled with encouragement and even offers of help. Two people I never dreamed of even used the words "if anything happens or you need anything, call me. I'll be there." Some people's paths crossed mine in the past 24 hours that were so far beyond my imagination it just blew my mind. Didn't surprise Him though - He had them there ready for the exact moment they were needed.

It's funny how many times we have to learn the same lessons over and over - and sometimes out of the blue, when we least expect it. But I wouldn't trade the learning experience for anything - because it was another moment of me growing closer to my Father and learning to trust even more. The feeling of being safely tucked inside the shelter of His arms is totally worth it.

So what's worrying you today? What do you need to let go of and trust Him for? Don't worry so much. He's got this. Remember?

God is ready to move on Staten Island but the church is standing in His way.

Yes - I just said that. And I'll say it again. GOD IS READY TO MOVE ON STATEN ISLAND, BUT THE CHURCH IS STANDING IN HIS WAY.


Before you church leaders get all up in arms about that statement, let me explain.


Conversation #1 -
Youth speaker - "Do you go to a church here on the island?"
Teen girl - (laughing) "Yeah, right. Like any church wants to see someone like ME walk through their door."
Youth speaker - "Have you tried it?"
Teen girl - "Once. Went with my girlfriend. They told us to take our lesbian selves back out the door and keep that disgusting behavior out of their building."
Youth speaker - "What behavior?"
Teen girl - "Dunno. Wasn't like we were holding hands or kissing or anything. We just walked in together. Kid from our school introduced us as (name) and her girlfriend (name) and the guy went nuts."
Youth speaker - "Did you stay or leave?"
Teen girl - "We left. It was obvious we weren't good enough for them. Why stay where we aren't wanted?"
Youth speaker - "Did you ever try going to a different church?"
Teen girl - "Nope. They're all the same. All these goodie-goodie Christians and their perfectionism. No room for people like me."


Conversation #2 -
Pastor - "Our youth group is up and moving. We love to see them making a difference out there."
Youth Speaker - "What was the last mission project your kids did?"
Pastor - "Oh, they don't do missions."
Youth Speaker - "OK. What was the last ministry they led?"
Pastor - "Oh, they don't lead ministry. We minister to them. They don't minister to anyone."
Youth Speaker - "So how are they reaching their lost friends and classmates? How exactly are they out there making a difference?"
(Pastor stares in silence looking puzzled and ashamed)


Conversation #3 -
Youth Speaker - "There is a conference that is making a huge impact on teens taking place in (state). What would you say about bringing something like that here to Staten Island?"
Youth Minister - "That sounds awesome. But impossible."
Youth Speaker - "Why?"
Youth Minister - "Our church won't spend money, especially on the children or youth. We couldn't host an event like that."
Youth Speaker - "What if the costs were completely covered?"
Youth Minister - "We wouldn't be allowed to host it. They make us stay in the multipurpose room in the basement. We can't let the youth use the church other than that."
Youth Speaker - "So we'll let the band play in multipurpose room in the basement. They won't mind."
Youth Minister - "No. The church won't let our youth have something like that in the building."
Youth Speaker - "What if the event was held somewhere else here on the island?"
Youth Minister - "No one would come. At least not from here. It's all we can do to get them here to our church."
Youth Speaker - "When is the last time you tried to take the youth to an event outside of the church?"
Youth Minister - "Never."
Youth Speaker - "Would you be willing to try?"
Youth Minister - "There's no use. Our youth wouldn't go. They wouldn't care. They would have every excuse."
Youth Speaker - "But would you be willing to try?"
Youth Minister - "What's the point? If we can't reach them on Sundays how can we get them to do something any other day?"
Youth Speaker - "Will you try?"
Youth Minister - "No. It's too much of a hassle."


Conversation #4 -
Youth Speaker - "What church do you go to?"
12 year old girl - "Oh, we don't go to church. We don't need fairy tales like Jesus to help us. We do fine on our own. As you can see. (points to house around her)
Youth Speaker - "Do you ever wonder if Jesus is more than a fairy tale?"
12 year old girl - "What do you mean? Dad said Jesus is like Santa - just something that little kids believe in until they are old enough to know better."
Youth Speaker - "What if I told you that Jesus is very real and I talk to Him every day?"
12 year old girl - "I'd say you were weird. Jesus is just a myth. Everyone knows that."


Conversation #5 -
Teacher (public school) - "What is truth?"
Various students in class - "Something that's real." "Something you know is right." "Something that is always the same." "Whatever is right." "That depends on the person."
Teacher - "How do you know if something is true?"
Student replies - "Someone proves it."
Teacher - "Where do you go to learn the truth - or to prove it?"
Students - "Friends." "School." "Family." "Books." "You try it."
Teacher - "What if it's not a truth and you try it?"
Student replies - "Who cares? Everyone has to find out for themselves anyway. It's not like there is one right truth that is for everyone."
Teacher - "How do you know?"
(No answers from the class)
Teacher - "What if someone told you there was one truth, one right way and one absolute in life - and they were able to show you examples from a book that proved their point?"
Student replies - "They'd be full of (explicit). That's like church stuff. No one can prove it. There isn't just one right way of anything. We all decide for ourselves what is right and what is wrong."
Teacher - "What if your right isn't the same as my right?"
Student replies - "It's called tolerance. Isn't that what they teach us? We agree to disagree and move on. Or we fight it out if people keep hounding us 'bout it."
Teacher - "If one person says it's right, but everyone else around them says it's wrong, who's right?"
Students - "The ones saying it's wrong."
Teacher - "Really? What if I told you the one person was the only one with proof?"
Student replies - "He's still outnumbered. Go with the majority."
Teacher - "If the majority says that killing someone is right, but one person says it's wrong, do you still go with the majority?"
(silence)
Teacher - "If the majority says that stealing is ok, but one person says it's wrong, is the majority right? Or the one?"
(silence)
Finally one student speaks up and says - "Doesn't it depend on the situation and the person?"




These are just five of the hundreds of conversations that have taken place over the past eight months. Hundreds of teens and those who work with them who can't define truth, who don't know right from wrong, who don't care or have the time to care, and who can't say what church is for. Church leaders and youth who pass judgment on the lost but don't reach out to show them the truth. Parents who give up on their kids and ignore the problems, turning a blind eye and deaf ear to the cries for help.


In the past eight months alone I've had eleven speakers, bands, musicians, and event coordinators ask me if I can help them bring their event to a church here on Staten Island. Not one has been successful. Not one church has said yes. Not one church has opened their door. Not once has a single church leader been willing to try. People want to reach our youth. The church isn't letting them help.


Let's take it a step further.


In one town, a 15 year old rallies her classmates to stand up against bullying and helps her school develop a zero-tolerance policy against it.


On Staten Island, one 15 year old is bullied to the point that she chooses to jump in front of a bus to kill herself because no one took the time to hear her pleas for help. Another 15 year old has round-the-clock police protection and has to be homeschooled because of death threats made by bullying classmates. A school principal says "that's not my problem." A parent says "I had no idea." A teacher says "I'm not allowed to get involved." A youth leader says "I can't do or say anything about what happens at school." A pastor says "she never asked me for help." A police officer says "We are limited as to what we can do. We can't protect every kid who says they are being bullied."


In one town, a 15 year old boy organizes his youth group to deliver meals and clothing to the homeless people in his neighborhood, and helps develop a back-to-work program through his church so the homeless people will have an income and shelter to get through the winter.


On Staten Island, a group of teenagers goes out tormenting and torturing local homeless people, taking their meager possessions and torching them, beating the homeless and leaving them helpless on the street, and videotaping it as a mockery to put online.


In one town, a 15 year old girl and her mother go to the children's hospital once a week to read books and play games with the kids on the cancer ward.


On Staten Island, one 15 year old throws her newborn baby in a dumpster while another beats her one-year-old to death.


In one town, a 16 year old boy refuses to drive his girlfriend home because he doesn't want to risk temptation.


On Staten Island, a 16 year old boy is trying to figure out which girl will be his next tally mark.


In one town, a 15 year old asks a store owner if they can carry some less revealing clothing that is still fashionable.


On Staten Island, a 15 year old just busted for prostitution asks "why is it so wrong for me to sell my body to make money to go to college and get out of this dump? It's my body!"


Where are we going wrong? Why are the youth of Staten Island making the news for all the wrong reasons? Why are they out there hurting, bullying, and killing others? Why aren't they showing any remorse for their negative behavior?


Those 15 year olds from other towns that were used as examples - they are all active in their church youth groups, have parents who spend time with them and communicate with them, and have other adult role models in their lives teaching them right from wrong. Here on Staten Island, you are more likely to find a group of moms out partying together and caught up in the latest TV drama instead of home spending time with their kids and teens. Here on Staten Island you are more likely to find dads who are out there working mulitple jobs to make ends meet and who couldn't tell you the birthdays of their kids, much less what they've done that day.


When will it end?


When the adults of Staten Island take a stand FOR their children and youth. When teachers start giving praise and encouragement and stop allowing bullying in their classrooms. When principals set zero-tolerance policies and work to show the students they actually care about them as individuals. When youth ministers and church leaders stop coming up with excuses and start getting out there in the neighborhoods showing kids they care. When Christian adults stop hiding in their costly, elaborate church buildings and homes, and start investing time in the lives of the kids they come in contact with. When our kids and teens see that there are places of refuge they can go to find the Truth, get encouragement, find help when they need it and where they can be themselves. 


If you are an adult on Staten Island who has any contact whatsoever with kids and/or teens, you have a choice to make. You can get on board with reaching out, changing things, and making a difference, or you can kindly get out of the way so the rest of us can.


If you are a church leader or youth minister, you too have a choice to make. You can stay hidden away in your buildings praying for kids to come to you, or you can get out there and reach the kids where they are, and stop blocking attempts by others to reach the youth of Staten Island. I don't care what denomination you are, what your church's budget is, what degree or background you have, or if you are ordained or not - if you are tired of seeing our youth die tragically because they have lost all hope and the knowledge of right and wrong, NOW is the time to take action. How many more teens do we have to lose before you accept your God-given responsibility to reach out to the ones who are left here? Get out of your church office and out there on the streets. Talk to these teens. Find out what they want, what they need, where they are, and how to best help them. They want to talk. I have yet to find a teen here on Staten Island who doesn't want to answer my questions or tell me about their life. Not one teen in the past eight months has refused to speak to me - on the trains, in the stores, walking down the street, at the bus stop, in the parks or on my block. They are willing to talk, ask questions and hear what you have to say. Are you willing to meet them on their turf?


God is ready to move here on Staten Island.

Church, either get with the program, or get out of His way.

Really, God? You want me to be QUIET?!

"Stay silent"

"But! But!!! BUT!!!!...."

"Quiet"

"But!!!!!...."

"Be still!"

"<SIGH> OK... but you KNOW how hard that is for me! Can't do that one without YOU."

"I know. Trust me. Be still."


So went another discussion with my Father. As we all know, I screwed this directive up big time the last time He gave it to me. So I really wanted to pass the test this go-round.


What is it that makes being quiet so difficult for me? Well, in this case it is the unfairness, an invasion of privacy, justice being compromised, and false accusations being hurled in all directions. I desperately want to point out to the world just how wrong this other person and this entire situation are. However, when we perceive things to be "wrong", sometimes they are just being allowed to persist a bit longer to bring about a change or good out of the whole thing. He is working, even when we can't see it or understand. It's not our justice that needs to prevail - it's His.


As humans, our natural instinct is to protect ourselves (and others)... whether that's from a physical assault, a verbal attack, or an influx of emotional pain. We immediately want to react when someone does or says something unfair or unjust - or just plain out wrong. There are many times when God would rather we hold our tongue and remain silent. This past week it was as if God wanted to make sure I "got" the lesson last time and learned to keep my mouth shut when He said to be still/quiet. I can't tell you how many times I've started to comment on a Facebook post about it, respond to an email about it or even include details in this blog about every lie or insult that's been spoken in the past week. Every single time I hear the two quotes of the weekend (along with Cindy's "SHHHHHH!"):

"Your silence will point out the fools in the whole situation"

and

"it is God's will that your honorable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you." (1 Peter 2:15 NLT)

Now... some people have said that it sounds as if I'm calling the other party a fool and using the words to my advantage. On the contrary... by reminding myself of both of these quotes, I am keeping from making a fool of myself. I played the fool with one reaction. I won't do it again. Not this time. The Bible verse also sticks in my mind as a reminder that I should be too busy doing His work to care what anyone is saying about me. If my focus stays on Him, and I keep my life honorable in His eyes, it doesn't matter what lies or insults get thrown my way. Those arrows will miss every time and fall innocently at my feet. I don't have to prove myself to anyone here. I don't have to point out the lies of others. I just have to lead my life in accordance to His Word and His direction. Being quiet is so difficult for me, but I've learned the hard way how vitally important it is, and how much God can teach me in those silent times.

The next time you are met with fiery arrows from the enemy, simply turn off the auto-react and auto-reply function in your mind and tune in to what God is trying to teach you or show you in the situation. You will be amazed.

Religion or Relationship

Someone shared this with me this morning and I thought I'd pass it on to all of you. This comes from the intimacywithGod.com website.

Religion vs Relationship With Jesus Christ

Religion can be very different than having a Relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Religions are man-made, and are based on trying to get to God through rules and regulations and works. Manmade religions all are based on people's efforts at reaching God and being made right with Him through their own efforts. God's plan for man's salvation and for being right with Him is told throughout the Bible, in the Old Testament and the New Testament. God's plan is not based on people's efforts and good works, but is based on His amazing Love and amazing Grace for us; His plan involved His precious Son Jesus paying the price and cost for our sins on the cross. You need to put ALL of your trust and faith in Jesus and in what He did for us on the cross, and not in any religion or in your own efforts. Simply put all of your trust and faith in Jesus, and accept His gift of salvation and eternal life, and experience the joy of having a right RELATIONSHIP of love with God. 

Religion (Self Effort, Works)

Goal: reach out to God, try to work your way into heaven
Means: diligent service & works, with hopes of a reward (heaven)
Power: good, honest effort through self-determination
Control: self-motivation and self control
Results: apathy, failure, chronic guilt, eternal separation from God

Salvation Through Faith In Jesus Christ (Personal Relationship)

Goal: trust fully in Jesus, then live to please Him
Means: confess sins, repent, yield self to Jesus
Power: the Holy Spirit does God's work in and through us
Control: allow the Holy Spirit to control & direct our lives
Results: love, joy, peace, freedom, power eternal life in heaven

"Man's way to reach God is religion; God's way to reach man is Jesus."

"I (Jesus) am the way, the truth, and the life. No one may come to the Father except through me." - John 14:6

"For by grace are you saved, through faith; and this not of your own, it is the gift of God. Not of works, lest any man should boast."- Ephesians 2:8-9

Just some food for thought for the day. Go be blessed - and be a blessing!

Too Compassionate?

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
(Martina McBride)
 
Have you ever cared so deeply for someone that it hurt? Have you ever poured your heart out to God, begging on behalf of someone else that He would step in and provide a way? Even if that person rejects your offers of prayer or help, or turns their back on you, or completely ignores you or acts as if you don't exist - you still lift them up day after day, week after week, tear after tear falling for them?  

Compassion.

Definition:
Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.


Is there such a thing as TOO MUCH compassion? Is it possible to be TOO compassionate?


What does the Bible say about compassion?


"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
Romans 12:15

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."
1 Peter 3:8

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."
Hebrews 13:3

"Therefore I said, "Turn away from me;
let me weep bitterly.
Do not try to console me
over the destruction of my people.""
Isaiah 22:4

"Oh, that my head were a spring of water
and my eyes a fountain of tears!
I would weep day and night
for the slain of my people."
Jeremiah 9:1

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2

"So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."
1 Corinthians 12:25-26

"When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven."
Nehemiah 1:4

"Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth
and humbled myself with fasting.
When my prayers returned to me unanswered,
I went about mourning
as though for my friend or brother.
I bowed my head in grief
as though weeping for my mother."
Psalms 35:13-14


Obviously compassion was felt by those from Genesis to Revelation, and is still felt by people worldwide today. Compassion is an emotion that God instilled in us. He commands us to love our neighbor as ourself. He wants us to feel the pain of others and share their burdens. When we act on our compassion and empathy, we are viewing people and situations through God's eyes. So if we open our hearts to the sufferings of those around us, despite the pain it causes in our own lives, we are becoming more like Christ. If we feel such compassion towards others, imagine how much more compassion Christ has towards us... so much so that He gave His LIFE!  Yes, being compassionate can cause us grief and tears. Yes, compassion can be a painful emotion. We will never be able to show as much compassion toward our fellow man as Christ showed for us, so there is no such thing as too much compassion or being too compassionate.

Reach out to those in need around you. Show them that someone cares. Let your tears fall if they must. God is right there beside you ready to shoulder the burdens and help you to help your neighbor through their struggles.

Generation of Hopeless? Or Hope?

This morning I received two pieces of news less than 10 minutes apart of two different teen suicides. These two weren't the "type" of teen you probably assumed when I said "suicide." One was a very likeable girl, very active in her church, volunteered in the community, and served on several mission teams over the past few years. The other was a very popular standout varsity football player who had just been offered a football scholarship to a great school. Shortly after receiving this news, I happened to see a post on twitter from a Christian singer asking this:

How real is the problem of youth suicide? Here are the numbers:
Every year there are approximately 10 youth suicides for every 100,000 youth.
Every day there are approximately 11 youth suicides. Every 2 hours and 11 minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes suicide.
Why is our youth committing suicide at such a young age? It should be the most exciting time of their life. 

 

The timing was interesting with the news I'd just received. Even more interesting was that I'd just finished a paper on the youth in extreme poverty here in the US. Adding to the above statistics:

 

In 2007, suicide was the 11th leading cause of death among all ages and demographics in the United States.
Among Native Americans and Alaska Natives between the ages of 15 and 34, suicide was the second leading cause of death.
Among Native American males, aged between 15 and 19, the numbers are even more grim. In a span of five years, 202 young men took their own lives, a rate of 34.6 per 100,000.
In comparison, the rate for males in the same age group was 13.7 for whites, 9.7 for Hispanics and 7.2 for African-Americans.
A U.S. survey found that almost one in five high school students had seriously considered attempting suicide, and more than one in six had already made plans to commit suicide.
Teen suicide in extreme poverty communities can be up to 150 times higher than the national average.

So what's going on? Why are we losing so many teens to suicide?

There are as many reasons for teen suicide as there are teens attempting it. Every teen has his own story. Every teen has his own reasons for contemplating or attempting to take his own life. As we saw today, popular, outgoing, good kids can take their own lives just as well as the troubled, delinquent, outcasts.

As a generation, today's teens are faced with shrinking support systems. Although teens can have thousands of friends on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, they may not have many real friends that they encounter face to face on a regular basis. Gone are the days of belonging to Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, GAs, RAs, Young Life and more being the cool thing to do. Memberships in clubs, organizations and even sports are now considered to be too restrictive on a teen's social time. There is a serious lack of belonging experienced among today's teens.

In addition, families have strayed from each other. In the past, extended families lived close enough to visit often, enjoy holidays together, and share in the day-to-day life experiences of each other. Today, a teen's closest relatives (other than those in his own household) may live hundreds or thousands of miles away, with limited interaction and even more scarce visitation. Grandmothers aren't there teaching the granddaughters to cook, sew or plant a garden. Grandfathers aren't there to take the grandsons hunting or fishing, or to teach them to work on a car. Aunts and Uncles are too busy - or are too far away - to spend time molding, shaping and mentoring their nieces and nephews.

Positive role models seem to be an endangered species today. Our sports heroes, actors, actresses, musicians and other celebrities are failing to provide good examples of responsible behaviors and attitudes. Even our church leaders are falling and failing at epidemic rates. Today's youth need people to look up to and admire. They need to see real life examples of what they can aspire to be.

In the case of one popular teenager who attempted to take her life, parents, teachers, coaches and others are expecting far too much from teens at far too young ages. This young lady said "I can never do anything good enough for my parents. I'm never good enough for my teachers. It's always a matter of 'you can do better' or 'try harder'. Maybe they are right, maybe I'll never be good enough. Maybe I will never accomplish anything. So why bother trying?" This young lady was a straight A student, excelled in softball and basketball, was an accomplished pianist and singer, and had won numerous beauty pageants. When people found out she had attempted suicide, they inadvertently added to the problem. Comments began to surface of "she had everything" and "she was perfect" so why would she try to kill herself? It may have seemed this girl had it all on the outside, but inside, she had nothing that she needed - parents who loved her unconditionally, teachers who supported and encouraged her with positive feedback, coaches who applauded her efforts and instilled a love of the sport, and friends who were her friends because she was herself, not because of what she had become. Our teenagers need to know they are loved no matter what. They need to be hugged, they need to see that people care, and they need to hear daily "I love you" from adult influences in their lives. They need to know it's okay to make mistakes and be taught how to learn from those mistakes and try again. They need to know that it's okay to be average. They need to know that perfection is not an attainable goal. Instead of criticism, they need to be given positive, encouraging motivation.

Bullying has become an epidemic in our schools, neighborhoods, and even our churches. Gossip, perversion, manipulation and outright physical, emotional and sexual abuse are running rampant in every environment our teens encounter. Our teenagers need to learn how to deal with these things, and how to prevent them. Adults need to be actively involved in helping to provide safer environments for our youth. Rules need to be stated and enforced. Zero tolerance for bullying needs to be adopted in these places our youth frequent. More importantly, our teens need help learning who they are and in gaining a strong self-esteem and self-worth, so that these bullying events do not have catastrophic results on their lives. 

I don't think we've reached the point of no return with teen suicides. I think we've reached a stage where people are starting to notice what's going on and wanting to change things. That's a good start. But it will take every adult who has any contact with our youth taking a stand and doing their part to change this alarming trend. There are numerous resources available out there for training, information, support and crisis intervention. We can and will make a difference, if we're willing to get actively involved.

What can YOU do today to help build a teenager up and give them hope for tomorrow?

Changing Seasons

"I'm going back."
"I know you are."
"How did I know you already knew that even before I did?"
"That's just the way He connected us."

And so went another conversation where spirits are connected more than our earthly minds & hearts. Just as significant - so went another conversation indicating a changing season. Normally this would be met with complaint, me begging for consistency, or even anger. This time, it was met with quiet, peaceful acceptance.

People come into our lives for seasons. This particular friend became a mainstay in this season of my life when his sister (and one of my best friends) passed away. We journeyed through our common grief and found a remarkable friendship. Through this journey, we not only found common ground, we helped each other find Christ on a deeper level than either of us had experienced before. We disagreed (sometimes loudly), we pushed each other, we encouraged & supported each other, and we simply walked side by side on this path. Now we see those paths dividing... and it's okay. He has found where God wants him in this next season - and who am I to stand in the way? I can choose to fight it and be miserable, or I can choose to rejoice that he's found his new calling and support him as he goes back to the mission field on a more permanent basis.

I had realized several months ago that the seasons were getting ready to change - not just with this friend - but with almost all of my friends. The one person that I go to for advice has been caught up in her life - working more than one job, going through ministry training and raising her family. In the past this would cause me to stress about our friendship and wonder what I'd done to keep her from being there to talk all the time. Yet, as we've grown individually and in our friendship, I know that if I need her, all I have to do is pick up the phone and call or send a quick email and she'd be there in the blink of an eye - even if I haven't spoken to her in months. The silences are okay. More significantly, we both know without a doubt that we are constantly lifting one another in prayer. That is a comfort beyond any measure. Another friend who'd been distanced in the past few seasons has slowly come back into a more consistent existence in my life. New friends have emerged in the craziest of ways and places, and others have slowly faded into the background. It doesn't mean any of these friends are better or worse than the others, just that our season has changed.

Fall is normally one of my favorite seasons. The changing leaves, the warm days and crisp nights, college football (Go Hokies!), and holiday preparations all put me in a great mood. I welcome the change from the heat of summer into the wonders of fall. I embrace these changes, even when I know they won't last forever. Why then have I been so hesitant to accept the seasons of change in life? Why did I struggle to hold onto certain seasons instead of letting them grow and change as they must? Anyone with kids knows this struggle. You want to hold onto those baby kisses and chubby fingers forever - but every day they are growing and changing. We can't make seasons last. We can, however, choose joy in the changing seasons and ride the winds of change with a positive attitude, grateful heart and expectant spirit. God may have a bounty of blessings in store for us in the next season, and we may miss it if we're too busy holding onto the past season of life.

Kara's favorite quote is so applicable in this changing of seasons... "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Broken Ladders

It's that time of year again. Suddenly the whole world wants to remember the events of 9/11. Everyone's changing their profile pictures to something patriotic or some sort of memorial picture. People are posting status updates and blogs about it, or uploading pictures from the site. There are questions posted of "where were you" or "what do you remember?" There are hundreds of stories all over the newspapers, TV and internet from survivors or family members. Then, there's the rest of us. The ones who live with 9/11 every day and who don't need a special anniversary or time set aside to remember.

Even more frustrating this year is the release of several books, one of which hits way too close to home. Meant to serve as a memorial tribute and encouragement, this book was written by a psychologist. My husband's psychologist. I learned more about my husband's experiences with 9/11 by reading the book than I have in 7 years of marriage to him. Along with those memories came some very heart-wrenching truths that he shared in confidence with this counselor, only to be read by me and others mentioned in the book, causing old wounds to rip open, new realizations to appear, and harsh realities to be unveiled. Yes, the counselor puts the disclaimer in the beginning that names have been changed and stories altered a bit to protect the identity of those really discussed. But, when she outright tells you which character is you, the rest just kind of falls into place. I don't know which was more difficult to digest - learning truths so many years later, or reliving some of the things we'd put to rest so long ago. Thanks Liz - or not.

People tell us all the time, "we get it," "we understand," "we are here for you," "we know." Really? No, you don't. No one gets it. Just like I don't pretend to understand what the widows and kids have gone through, nor what each surviving firefighter went through, or their wives and kids. The only reality I know is ours: what Don and I have journeyed through both individually and together since 2001. We've climbed up the ladder out of the pit of the disaster. Sometimes we get slowed down, or we slip a few rungs. Events like the death of Bin Laden or a terrorist attack overseas can cause us to trip up on our climb. Things like reading the book can break a rung we're standing on and cause us to tumble a bit. But we're both still there on the ladder, together, still climbing. We catch each other before we fall too far. We've climbed too high to let broken pieces of the ladder send us back to the beginning. If we're going to fall and hit rock bottom, it'll be together.

Each year we're faced with the decision of what - and how much - to share with our kids about that day. We're forced to decide whether to include them in the day at the firehouse, or keep them sheltered a little longer. Looking around at their faces this year, and knowing another face is soon to join them, we choose to shelter them for one more year. They know enough for their 6 years. Their innocent bliss was shattered a couple of years ago. Why make it worse until we have to?

We have come to one major conclusion this year. This will be our final year going into Manhattan and to the firehouse for the anniversary. Enough is enough. We both want some distance. We want to get away. We want to leave the memories where they lay. We want to push the visuals far from us and keep climbing up the ladder without looking back. We'll put up with the interviews and cameras this year, but come next year, we'll be far away from the Big Apple on this day. Politicians, media, and people who think they are doing a good thing by making big celebrations of the event each year can participate without us. We'll remember in our own way, every day, as we see the picture of Sal & Don in the hall, or when we come across a card some schoolkid gave us during the recovery.  We'll remember with each doctor visit or each encounter with a friend who was there. As Jack said on the 5-year anniversary, 9/11 is something that happened. It happened to us. It is something we live with every day, but it does not and should not control us. We move on. We have to. We never forget. We carry it with us every second of every day. It's there. It's not going to go away. But it's not the boss. It's not in charge. We choose to remember and reflect, and we choose to live our lives, just as our friends we lost would have wanted us to do.

Save us the empathy and words meant to help. They don't. Sorry to be so blunt and harsh - but they do nothing but irritate us more. This post wasn't written to encourage comments of sympathy. It was written to give you more of a glimpse inside, more understanding, and more about us. Read, reflect, come to your own conclusions, and leave us be about this day in history. Let us deal with it together, in our own way, in the way that has helped us survive so far. We're climbing. We're okay. We're going to make it. We've come so far and we're doing fine. We don't expect you to get it or understand. In some ways, we don't want you to. It was our experience, our journey, our situation to work through together, as a couple and as a family. Just let us keep climbing in peace.

You call yourself a preacher?

Watch your toes. If they are pointed the wrong way they may be stepped on with this blog.

You call yourself a minister? A preacher? A man of God? A priest? A pastor? You are a leader in your church? People look to you as an example? Well, do us all a favor... if you are going to insist on practicing unforgiveness, having extramarital affairs, participating in drunkeness and blatantly living in habitual sin, stop referring to yourself as one of these leaders of our faith. You are giving Christianity a bad name.

I am so sick of hearing people complain about Christians claiming to love Jesus and then living lives that are anything but Christlike. Especially the leaders in the church. I am not perfect -nor do I claim to be. Far from it. But when God or my fellow believer brings a sin to my attention, I work on it. I don't ignore them and continue the sin in my private life while getting up on stage and preaching against the very same thing.

If you are teaching people to be forgiving, you are in no place to refuse to speak to someone who has asked for your forgiveness. If you are teaching people to be faithful to their spouse, you have no business going out in secret and engaging in inappropriate activities with those of the opposite sex. If you are teaching people to be honest, stop lying! Hypocrisy is alive and well in the Christian church. And we wonder what's wrong with the church today?!

I realize this is not my typical blog and I know this will not be well-received by many - but I will not apologize. Again - I know I'm not perfect and I'm not claiming to be. I'm simply asking that if you are going to be a leader in the church, step up to the responsibilities of character that come with it. If I've stepped on your toes, well, maybe you should turn yourself back to facing Christ so your feet will be pointed in the right direction and this blog won't offend you.

It Takes a Village

We've all heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." I was certainly raised by a massive village of people. I can't even begin to list the names of all of the adults who had a hand in shaping me into the person I am today. Sadly, as I get older, I am losing members of that village one by one. As I mourn the loss of them here on Earth, I also have to rejoice at several things. I know they will be greatly rewarded in Heaven for investing so much time and energy into so many lives, including my own. I am so very thankful that I was at the receiving end of their guidance, advice, love and direction. I am also very thankful that the lessons they instilled in me as a child not only have stood the test of time, but can now be instilled into my own children - and other children I have contact with - in the same loving manner.

This morning I learned of the loss of Grandma Rose - aka "Shorty" - from camp. I can remember Rose being a part of my life from the time I was in 3rd grade on. She seemed old to me as a 9 year-old, but she never seemed to age as I got older. Every summer I could count on her being at camp, fussing over our grocery requests, handling the first aid and business end of camp, and just being a strong leadership presence during our weeks there. Every January I could count on seeing her during Girl Scout cookie sales. She was the main woman when it came to overseeing the cookies. I remember going to her house to pick up my order of cookies and seeing massive piles of cookies throughout her entire home. Her poor husband must have hated that time of year. During the 27 or so years that I knew Rose, I can't ever remember her losing her temper or being mean. Ever. Yes, she got angry, but the way she dealt with it and displayed it were exceptional. Never harsh, just very to-the-point and no-questions-asked. You knew when she meant business. She was such a hard worker, and completely devoted to giving of herself to help young people and the camp.

As I reflected back on the influence Rose had in my life, I thought about my own children. Am I keeping enough adults actively engaged in my children's lives to be positive influences and role models? Who will be the villagers involved in helping to shape my children into respectful, responsible adults? Who will be the added "grandmas" and "uncles" who will touch their lives with significant truths or lessons?

I prayed this morning for the villagers who will have a hand in my children's lives. I gave thanks for the people like Rose in my own life. I also prayed that I would be a consistent contributor to the village of those children whose lives I have contact with. It really does take a village, and we all need to do our part.

Standing in the rain at a rest stop...

Yesterday it started raining. It turned into a full-out storm. The potholes in the road were horrendous. There were ominous signs everywhere. I kept trying to drive through - knowing it was nice and sunny not too far ahead. Finally, I had to give in. The bumpy, wet road was just too much. I pulled into a rest stop. I was weary. I stood there for a few minutes, storms raging all around, soaked from head to toe, looking up. My heart was heavy, but my spirit was trusting and still. Before long, a friend showed up. He walked over and stood beside me, covering me with an umbrella of prayer. Another friend walked over. She wrapped a blanket of encouragement around me to try to dry me off a bit. Another friend walked over, stood with us in that little huddle and began singing a song. The four of us stayed there for a bit, resting, singing, drying off, and just drawing strength from one another and Him. A break appeared in the clouds and we moved together back onto the road. I realized in that moment that none of the three friends of mine knew each other. Their only common bonds were myself... and Jesus. It didn't matter. They worked perfectly together to make the necessary repairs and get me back out on the road. As we began moving forward, I marveled once again at how incredibly beautiful the body of Christ is when it moves as One. I said a prayer of thanks to the Father for allowing these great friends to journey with me on this road, stand in rest stops with me in the rain, and encourage me along the way to the finish line. It's a long, hard road, but we're going to cross that finish line together. He promises.



Arrows to the heart

God has been teaching me a lot about obedience over the past two years. Unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering, all-out obedience. Sometimes those lessons have proven quite painful.

One of the things He seems to like to do is put people's faces/names on my heart to pray for and encourage. On it's own, that sounds pretty simple. But He doesn't give me people that I want to pray for and encourage. No way. That'd be too easy. He gives me people that are as far from my comfort-zone as possible. People who have hurt me in the past. People who are way above me on the social scale, whom I would normally have nothing to do with. People I barely know and whom I feel weird about contacting out of the blue to say "hey - just wanted to let you know I was praying for you. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know!"

Then there is this one person. It's the one that really pressed that "unquestioning" part of the obedience lesson. In fact, I initially failed that test. As soon as I felt that person land on my heart I flinched and said "REALLY, God?!?! REALLY?!?!?!?!? Are you SURE?!?!?!?!!?" To this day I find myself wanting to go running to my Father in tears begging Him to choose someone different. You see, at first I barely knew the person. I knew nothing of their struggles, their heartaches, their sins, or their life. I didn't really want to know. They were of the "celebrity" sort and the kind of person I've tried my best to avoid at all costs for many years. As I began praying for this person, not knowing what I was praying for, I felt my heart start to melt a bit for them. When God pushed me to reach out to this person you should have seen the backpedaling. So much for "unhesitating." I was begging for a sign that I was wrong receiving this message. I was hoping and praying it was just my own mind & reasoning playing tricks on me and not really God's voice directing me down that path. But, as He would have it, He was serious. So I did the scariest thing I'd ever done in my life. I contacted this person and shared with them what God was doing. The reaction I got was anything but what I expected - and was total confirmation that I was doing what He'd asked of me. Obedience.

Then came a surprising twist. Where I'd had so much to say to this person and share with them, I suddenly got a new directive. "Be still. Be quiet. Wait." Well you know that one was hard - especially for me. I'm a fix-it person. If I know what's wrong I want to rush in and make it all better. I thought "what do you mean, wait? I'll try..." I waited. And waited. Finally, He led me to just give a simple encouragement follow-up. Did it. Got further confirmation I was on the right track. Then "Be still!" again. UGH! It was so frustrating, but I knew He was testing my obedience. He'd brought me so far in this area, and I knew I really needed to just trust and obey.

Somewhere along the way I learned to love this person. I cared deeply for them. Not in any type of lustful or sexual way, but in a Spirit-filled brotherly love that could only come from God Himself. Gone were any hesitations and in their place were a new boldness and confidence. I'd never been so certain and sure of God's lead and was embracing it for all it was worth. My heart broke daily for this person and their struggles. I cried out to Jesus on this person's behalf for hours upon hours. I watched God begin to move in this person's life. I watched the walls start to come down. Slowly.

Then the unthinkable. I cracked. I started listening to myself instead of Him. I decided that this person needed to hear what I had to say about something. As you can imagine, this started a disaster of a fall. Instead of building this person up and encouraging them, I found myself pointing out what they should be doing and could have done. I found myself praying about their faults, instead of lifting them up to the Father with care and concern. I lashed out at this person when they said something I didn't agree with. Obedience was gone. Trust was gone. That fragile relationship was gone. I blew it. I had taken something so supernaturally precious and squashed it in a moment. Of course, then I did what we humans think we always have to do when we mess up. I tried to fix it. I tried to make things better. Fail. Big-time fail. In fact, I'm pretty sure I made things worse.

I asked God to either give me an open door with this person, or to move me. He chose to move us both - in very opposite directions - and in very clearly defined boundaries. There was no gray area about it. All contact ceased. Completely. I finally realized that I must completely give this person back over to God and pray that someone else would come alongside them to help guide them back where He wants them.

Today I was given a glimpse into that person's life through a mutual friend and I just hit my knees crying out in prayer. I was heartbroken. I begged God not to let my mistakes and disobedience cause this person to stumble further. I questioned whether some things were my fault and what would have happened if I'd have simply stayed obedient and not gone my own way with it. I questioned why God put this person in my life to begin with, knowing it was going to lead to so much hurt and rejection. It took a long time with God to reach the point of forgiving - myself first of all, and this person for the things they'd done out of hurt and in retaliation. I had to let go all over again - though I didn't realize I'd ever reached out and latched onto it again.

God has used this whole situation as a learning tool. I have a very real visual now of what can happen when we try to take over and do things our way, or rush things along in our time not His. I learned the hard way that unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering obedience can be very hard, but it's much easier than the hurt and pain disobedience can cause.

Recently a pastor shared the verse - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29. When I heard it I thought "yep, that was my mistake a few months ago." Then I realized, I'm still making that same mistake. Every single day. I keep trying to tell people things that they should stop doing or do better. I keep pointing out flaws. That's helping no one. As I pray I'm focused on people's faults. Totally unnecessary. God is already very well-aware of all of our faults, flaws and shortcomings. He doesn't need do-good Christians to help point them out to Him. When we pray, we need to ask God to bless the people we are praying for. We need to thank Him for their good traits. We need to praise them to Him. We need to lift them up. When we talk to them or about them we need to say only things that will build them up. This world is shooting enough arrows through people's hearts. They don't need more pain. They need someone to care and help bind up the wounds. We need to guard every word that comes out of our mouths. Your words can drastically change a person's life - for better or for worse.

Are you going to be the archer? Or are you going to be the encourager?

Keep RUNNING

You know Debbie Downer, right? She's the friend who is always complaining and finding something negative to say, even if we're right in the middle of celebrating something joyous. Someone's face popped up in your mind, didn't it? Here's a tough one for you - how many times have YOU been Debbie Downer?

We hear it all the time - choose joy, be happy, smile, let things go, it's all good... but the truth is life HURTS sometimes. It's impossible to stay happy 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - especially when we feel like we are under a full attack by the enemy. However, though we may cry, suffer, or ache for a while, we can choose to be filled with joy during those struggles.

One thing we can remember is that nothing we go through here on earth can compare with what Christ endured on the cross for us. While He was hanging there, he bore all of our sin and shame. All of it. Yours, mine, your neighbors... everyone. All at one time. God the Father had to turn His face from His child in that moment. Once we accept the gift of salvation, we can rest assured that we will never experience the pain associated with God turning His face from us. We will never endure the same level of agony that Christ then. Never.

How do we choose joy? How do we find comfort in those moments?

We turn our eyes away from the problem and towards Jesus' face. We focus on Him. Period. As we do, the distractions, the pain, the troubles - they will all fade from view. We will be completely wrapped in His loving embrace and He will carry us through the valley and up the mountain.

We must also remember we are not alone in our struggles. You are never going to be the first to go through something. There is nothing you can face that hasn't been faced by someone before. The times, locations, atmosphere, etc can change, but the root problems do not. We are all in this race together. Not one single person can finish this race until we all do. We must all cross the finish line together. Instead of racing ahead of your brothers and sisters when things are going well, slow down and come beside the, encouraging them along. Instead of throwing your hands in the air, stopping and giving up the race, call out to those in front to help. None of us are mind readers. Sometimes we may not realize that you've fallen behind or are struggling. Speak up! Don't be afraid to reach out. You'll find that many others have been right where you are and can offer you valuable insight to guide you through.

Finally, remember that God can and will bring something good out of every trial. Each difficulty becomes an opportunity for His glory to shine. Keep your eyes and ears open for the good things He wants to show you in the midst of your storms. Ask Him to open your heart to receive these blessings no matter what the circumstances around you are.

A Bible passage that has been resurfacing over and over these past few weeks is Psalm 126:5-6: Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

Someone asked me last night why life hurts so much. I've become more comfortable answering this question over the years, but it still breaks my heart to hear so many people searching for the answer to this question. If life was easy and perfect, why would we need a Savior? If we didn't go through trials and struggles, how would we learn to trust God? To rely on Him? If He didn't help us through our lives and hold us in His arms in the tough times, how would we learn how much He loves us? How strong He is? The Bible tells us that these trials will come so that our faith will be proven genuine, and will result in praise, honor and glory when Christ returns (1 Peter 1:7). We are being tested. He wants to know our faith is genuine. He didn't promise us a life free of pain and trouble. In fact, He outright told us that we would face many trials and sorrows (John 16:33). But in James, chapter 1, He also says that He will work through these trials, and that they serve a bigger purpose.

Life is not supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to be pain-free. It's a race. Any runner will tell you that running can hurt! However, if you fix your eyes on Jesus and keep running the race with perseverance, there is a much greater joy than you could ever imagine waiting at the finish line. Did you fall down? That's okay! Get up, let Him help dust you off and heal your wounds. Then grab the hand of a fellow runner and keep moving forward. We have work to do!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:1-2