Final training run before Tahoe

I have struggled all week with horrible migraines and not feeling well. I set out on my final training run in a lot of pain and uncertainty. Within the first 1/2 mile I knew it wasn't going to go well and tried to come up with a backup plan mid-stride. I had aimed for 6 miles when I headed out. I decided I'd be happy with 4. Just as I thought about stopping the run and just walking the miles, I ran into a friend whose daughter had been in my Sunday School class a couple of years ago. We had just talked on Monday about how close we live but we never see each other. Of all times to run into her while out for a run... so I turned with her and headed out on a power walk. There is nothing quite like having a friend by your side to help the miles fly by. We talked and caught up on each others' lives and just enjoyed the beautiful, quiet morning. I thought about how much more enjoyable it was to have company when I was struggling to keep going.

Two miles later we parted ways and I started to run again. I felt like I'd needed those two miles of speed walking with her to "warm up" and thought I'd be okay if I tried to speed up to a run for the duration. I headed over to the park at a good pace, made it to the base of the hill, and slowed to a walk to head up. I passed by some neighbors and managed to smile and say good morning, but my thoughts kept swirling. If I'm having this much trouble on 3-4 miles, how on earth am I going to make it through 13.1? But I did 10 miles last week and I was okay. Was I really okay? If I am having such bad pain in my abdomen, should I really be running? I don't want to go back to the doctor before Tahoe. What if they tell me I can't run now? What happens if I get one of these migraines mid-run in Tahoe? What if the migraine ends up being worse and causes the other neuro symptoms? Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Maybe the doctors were right.

Then - I made it to the top of the hill.

I decided to run down and just keep running until I had to stop for a walk break. Going downhill was a breeze. It felt good. I felt good. I made it 3/4 of a mile and decided to slow down for a minute. As I walked I felt another migraine coming on. I thought to myself I should just keep running because I don't feel it when I run - only when I'm walking. I tried to do one more interval of running and felt the numbing sensation begin down my left side. I forced myself to a walk and headed home. I managed to go a total of 5 miles, but it was a struggle and it was very disappointing. It definitely didn't give me that "great final training run" I was hoping for. I just hope and pray it isn't pointing to an absolute disaster in Tahoe.

It's hard to go from the triumph of last week's 10 miles to the struggle of this week's 5 miles. I wasn't going to blog about it or share it. I never want to be a downer, negative, or get sympathetic words or responses. If it isn't all smiles and rainbows, I tend to keep it quiet. I have a hard time admitting to defeat and usually try to hide it from others. I don't like letting people down or disappointing anyone. But - this is my reality. This is how running goes for me. This is what I live with. It is what it is. I know things could be far worse. My absolute worst days out there are far better than the days when I can't even get out the door to try. I'll hang onto these run days - even when they are  more of a walk than run, even when they hurt, even when they frustrate me and even when they feel like a failure. Because, as horrible as some of these days may be, they aren't as bad as that day when I'm told I should never lace up my running shoes again. They're nothing compared to the days some of my friends are facing. They are golden compared to what could be. So, no matter how bad the run, I'll give thanks for being able to try.

When I reflect back on the "run" 24 hours later, what stands out is that a friend was there and came alongside me in that moment when I was ready to quit. Without even realizing it, she helped me go further and hang on to hope. How wonderfully does that correlate to life in general? When we're at our lowest, it's those people who come alongside us, sometimes without even knowing they are making a difference, who inspire us and give us hope to keep moving forward. Too many people are facing life alone and without the comfort of friends to help carry on. You have no idea what impact a simple smile or good morning could do for someone else. When you see that frazzled mom in a grocery store or the lonely old man sitting on the front porch, by speaking to them or lending a hand, you could be that one person who gives them hope to push through one more day. One thing I LOVE about our CareRunners team is that we do our best to encourage our fellow runners during our races. Our first group of administrators and coaches instilled that value into each of us - and I'm so glad we've carried on this tradition. We see those struggling runners and reach out to them. We smile and speak to everyone. We try our best to be a light reflecting God's hope and love. Even when we are struggling ourselves and having a hard race, by reaching out to those around us, we find the strength to get to that finish line. Together. In our darkest times, we can still shine a light for others.

Do what you can to be a light in your world - whether it's out on a run or simply walking through the hallways of your child's school. No matter where you are, you can make a huge difference in someone's life in a matter of moments.

Remember, you have the greatest impact on those you never knew were watching or listening.