You call yourself a preacher?

Watch your toes. If they are pointed the wrong way they may be stepped on with this blog.

You call yourself a minister? A preacher? A man of God? A priest? A pastor? You are a leader in your church? People look to you as an example? Well, do us all a favor... if you are going to insist on practicing unforgiveness, having extramarital affairs, participating in drunkeness and blatantly living in habitual sin, stop referring to yourself as one of these leaders of our faith. You are giving Christianity a bad name.

I am so sick of hearing people complain about Christians claiming to love Jesus and then living lives that are anything but Christlike. Especially the leaders in the church. I am not perfect -nor do I claim to be. Far from it. But when God or my fellow believer brings a sin to my attention, I work on it. I don't ignore them and continue the sin in my private life while getting up on stage and preaching against the very same thing.

If you are teaching people to be forgiving, you are in no place to refuse to speak to someone who has asked for your forgiveness. If you are teaching people to be faithful to their spouse, you have no business going out in secret and engaging in inappropriate activities with those of the opposite sex. If you are teaching people to be honest, stop lying! Hypocrisy is alive and well in the Christian church. And we wonder what's wrong with the church today?!

I realize this is not my typical blog and I know this will not be well-received by many - but I will not apologize. Again - I know I'm not perfect and I'm not claiming to be. I'm simply asking that if you are going to be a leader in the church, step up to the responsibilities of character that come with it. If I've stepped on your toes, well, maybe you should turn yourself back to facing Christ so your feet will be pointed in the right direction and this blog won't offend you.

It Takes a Village

We've all heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." I was certainly raised by a massive village of people. I can't even begin to list the names of all of the adults who had a hand in shaping me into the person I am today. Sadly, as I get older, I am losing members of that village one by one. As I mourn the loss of them here on Earth, I also have to rejoice at several things. I know they will be greatly rewarded in Heaven for investing so much time and energy into so many lives, including my own. I am so very thankful that I was at the receiving end of their guidance, advice, love and direction. I am also very thankful that the lessons they instilled in me as a child not only have stood the test of time, but can now be instilled into my own children - and other children I have contact with - in the same loving manner.

This morning I learned of the loss of Grandma Rose - aka "Shorty" - from camp. I can remember Rose being a part of my life from the time I was in 3rd grade on. She seemed old to me as a 9 year-old, but she never seemed to age as I got older. Every summer I could count on her being at camp, fussing over our grocery requests, handling the first aid and business end of camp, and just being a strong leadership presence during our weeks there. Every January I could count on seeing her during Girl Scout cookie sales. She was the main woman when it came to overseeing the cookies. I remember going to her house to pick up my order of cookies and seeing massive piles of cookies throughout her entire home. Her poor husband must have hated that time of year. During the 27 or so years that I knew Rose, I can't ever remember her losing her temper or being mean. Ever. Yes, she got angry, but the way she dealt with it and displayed it were exceptional. Never harsh, just very to-the-point and no-questions-asked. You knew when she meant business. She was such a hard worker, and completely devoted to giving of herself to help young people and the camp.

As I reflected back on the influence Rose had in my life, I thought about my own children. Am I keeping enough adults actively engaged in my children's lives to be positive influences and role models? Who will be the villagers involved in helping to shape my children into respectful, responsible adults? Who will be the added "grandmas" and "uncles" who will touch their lives with significant truths or lessons?

I prayed this morning for the villagers who will have a hand in my children's lives. I gave thanks for the people like Rose in my own life. I also prayed that I would be a consistent contributor to the village of those children whose lives I have contact with. It really does take a village, and we all need to do our part.

Standing in the rain at a rest stop...

Yesterday it started raining. It turned into a full-out storm. The potholes in the road were horrendous. There were ominous signs everywhere. I kept trying to drive through - knowing it was nice and sunny not too far ahead. Finally, I had to give in. The bumpy, wet road was just too much. I pulled into a rest stop. I was weary. I stood there for a few minutes, storms raging all around, soaked from head to toe, looking up. My heart was heavy, but my spirit was trusting and still. Before long, a friend showed up. He walked over and stood beside me, covering me with an umbrella of prayer. Another friend walked over. She wrapped a blanket of encouragement around me to try to dry me off a bit. Another friend walked over, stood with us in that little huddle and began singing a song. The four of us stayed there for a bit, resting, singing, drying off, and just drawing strength from one another and Him. A break appeared in the clouds and we moved together back onto the road. I realized in that moment that none of the three friends of mine knew each other. Their only common bonds were myself... and Jesus. It didn't matter. They worked perfectly together to make the necessary repairs and get me back out on the road. As we began moving forward, I marveled once again at how incredibly beautiful the body of Christ is when it moves as One. I said a prayer of thanks to the Father for allowing these great friends to journey with me on this road, stand in rest stops with me in the rain, and encourage me along the way to the finish line. It's a long, hard road, but we're going to cross that finish line together. He promises.



Arrows to the heart

God has been teaching me a lot about obedience over the past two years. Unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering, all-out obedience. Sometimes those lessons have proven quite painful.

One of the things He seems to like to do is put people's faces/names on my heart to pray for and encourage. On it's own, that sounds pretty simple. But He doesn't give me people that I want to pray for and encourage. No way. That'd be too easy. He gives me people that are as far from my comfort-zone as possible. People who have hurt me in the past. People who are way above me on the social scale, whom I would normally have nothing to do with. People I barely know and whom I feel weird about contacting out of the blue to say "hey - just wanted to let you know I was praying for you. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know!"

Then there is this one person. It's the one that really pressed that "unquestioning" part of the obedience lesson. In fact, I initially failed that test. As soon as I felt that person land on my heart I flinched and said "REALLY, God?!?! REALLY?!?!?!?!? Are you SURE?!?!?!?!!?" To this day I find myself wanting to go running to my Father in tears begging Him to choose someone different. You see, at first I barely knew the person. I knew nothing of their struggles, their heartaches, their sins, or their life. I didn't really want to know. They were of the "celebrity" sort and the kind of person I've tried my best to avoid at all costs for many years. As I began praying for this person, not knowing what I was praying for, I felt my heart start to melt a bit for them. When God pushed me to reach out to this person you should have seen the backpedaling. So much for "unhesitating." I was begging for a sign that I was wrong receiving this message. I was hoping and praying it was just my own mind & reasoning playing tricks on me and not really God's voice directing me down that path. But, as He would have it, He was serious. So I did the scariest thing I'd ever done in my life. I contacted this person and shared with them what God was doing. The reaction I got was anything but what I expected - and was total confirmation that I was doing what He'd asked of me. Obedience.

Then came a surprising twist. Where I'd had so much to say to this person and share with them, I suddenly got a new directive. "Be still. Be quiet. Wait." Well you know that one was hard - especially for me. I'm a fix-it person. If I know what's wrong I want to rush in and make it all better. I thought "what do you mean, wait? I'll try..." I waited. And waited. Finally, He led me to just give a simple encouragement follow-up. Did it. Got further confirmation I was on the right track. Then "Be still!" again. UGH! It was so frustrating, but I knew He was testing my obedience. He'd brought me so far in this area, and I knew I really needed to just trust and obey.

Somewhere along the way I learned to love this person. I cared deeply for them. Not in any type of lustful or sexual way, but in a Spirit-filled brotherly love that could only come from God Himself. Gone were any hesitations and in their place were a new boldness and confidence. I'd never been so certain and sure of God's lead and was embracing it for all it was worth. My heart broke daily for this person and their struggles. I cried out to Jesus on this person's behalf for hours upon hours. I watched God begin to move in this person's life. I watched the walls start to come down. Slowly.

Then the unthinkable. I cracked. I started listening to myself instead of Him. I decided that this person needed to hear what I had to say about something. As you can imagine, this started a disaster of a fall. Instead of building this person up and encouraging them, I found myself pointing out what they should be doing and could have done. I found myself praying about their faults, instead of lifting them up to the Father with care and concern. I lashed out at this person when they said something I didn't agree with. Obedience was gone. Trust was gone. That fragile relationship was gone. I blew it. I had taken something so supernaturally precious and squashed it in a moment. Of course, then I did what we humans think we always have to do when we mess up. I tried to fix it. I tried to make things better. Fail. Big-time fail. In fact, I'm pretty sure I made things worse.

I asked God to either give me an open door with this person, or to move me. He chose to move us both - in very opposite directions - and in very clearly defined boundaries. There was no gray area about it. All contact ceased. Completely. I finally realized that I must completely give this person back over to God and pray that someone else would come alongside them to help guide them back where He wants them.

Today I was given a glimpse into that person's life through a mutual friend and I just hit my knees crying out in prayer. I was heartbroken. I begged God not to let my mistakes and disobedience cause this person to stumble further. I questioned whether some things were my fault and what would have happened if I'd have simply stayed obedient and not gone my own way with it. I questioned why God put this person in my life to begin with, knowing it was going to lead to so much hurt and rejection. It took a long time with God to reach the point of forgiving - myself first of all, and this person for the things they'd done out of hurt and in retaliation. I had to let go all over again - though I didn't realize I'd ever reached out and latched onto it again.

God has used this whole situation as a learning tool. I have a very real visual now of what can happen when we try to take over and do things our way, or rush things along in our time not His. I learned the hard way that unquestioning, unhesitating, unwavering obedience can be very hard, but it's much easier than the hurt and pain disobedience can cause.

Recently a pastor shared the verse - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29. When I heard it I thought "yep, that was my mistake a few months ago." Then I realized, I'm still making that same mistake. Every single day. I keep trying to tell people things that they should stop doing or do better. I keep pointing out flaws. That's helping no one. As I pray I'm focused on people's faults. Totally unnecessary. God is already very well-aware of all of our faults, flaws and shortcomings. He doesn't need do-good Christians to help point them out to Him. When we pray, we need to ask God to bless the people we are praying for. We need to thank Him for their good traits. We need to praise them to Him. We need to lift them up. When we talk to them or about them we need to say only things that will build them up. This world is shooting enough arrows through people's hearts. They don't need more pain. They need someone to care and help bind up the wounds. We need to guard every word that comes out of our mouths. Your words can drastically change a person's life - for better or for worse.

Are you going to be the archer? Or are you going to be the encourager?

Keep RUNNING

You know Debbie Downer, right? She's the friend who is always complaining and finding something negative to say, even if we're right in the middle of celebrating something joyous. Someone's face popped up in your mind, didn't it? Here's a tough one for you - how many times have YOU been Debbie Downer?

We hear it all the time - choose joy, be happy, smile, let things go, it's all good... but the truth is life HURTS sometimes. It's impossible to stay happy 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - especially when we feel like we are under a full attack by the enemy. However, though we may cry, suffer, or ache for a while, we can choose to be filled with joy during those struggles.

One thing we can remember is that nothing we go through here on earth can compare with what Christ endured on the cross for us. While He was hanging there, he bore all of our sin and shame. All of it. Yours, mine, your neighbors... everyone. All at one time. God the Father had to turn His face from His child in that moment. Once we accept the gift of salvation, we can rest assured that we will never experience the pain associated with God turning His face from us. We will never endure the same level of agony that Christ then. Never.

How do we choose joy? How do we find comfort in those moments?

We turn our eyes away from the problem and towards Jesus' face. We focus on Him. Period. As we do, the distractions, the pain, the troubles - they will all fade from view. We will be completely wrapped in His loving embrace and He will carry us through the valley and up the mountain.

We must also remember we are not alone in our struggles. You are never going to be the first to go through something. There is nothing you can face that hasn't been faced by someone before. The times, locations, atmosphere, etc can change, but the root problems do not. We are all in this race together. Not one single person can finish this race until we all do. We must all cross the finish line together. Instead of racing ahead of your brothers and sisters when things are going well, slow down and come beside the, encouraging them along. Instead of throwing your hands in the air, stopping and giving up the race, call out to those in front to help. None of us are mind readers. Sometimes we may not realize that you've fallen behind or are struggling. Speak up! Don't be afraid to reach out. You'll find that many others have been right where you are and can offer you valuable insight to guide you through.

Finally, remember that God can and will bring something good out of every trial. Each difficulty becomes an opportunity for His glory to shine. Keep your eyes and ears open for the good things He wants to show you in the midst of your storms. Ask Him to open your heart to receive these blessings no matter what the circumstances around you are.

A Bible passage that has been resurfacing over and over these past few weeks is Psalm 126:5-6: Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

Someone asked me last night why life hurts so much. I've become more comfortable answering this question over the years, but it still breaks my heart to hear so many people searching for the answer to this question. If life was easy and perfect, why would we need a Savior? If we didn't go through trials and struggles, how would we learn to trust God? To rely on Him? If He didn't help us through our lives and hold us in His arms in the tough times, how would we learn how much He loves us? How strong He is? The Bible tells us that these trials will come so that our faith will be proven genuine, and will result in praise, honor and glory when Christ returns (1 Peter 1:7). We are being tested. He wants to know our faith is genuine. He didn't promise us a life free of pain and trouble. In fact, He outright told us that we would face many trials and sorrows (John 16:33). But in James, chapter 1, He also says that He will work through these trials, and that they serve a bigger purpose.

Life is not supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to be pain-free. It's a race. Any runner will tell you that running can hurt! However, if you fix your eyes on Jesus and keep running the race with perseverance, there is a much greater joy than you could ever imagine waiting at the finish line. Did you fall down? That's okay! Get up, let Him help dust you off and heal your wounds. Then grab the hand of a fellow runner and keep moving forward. We have work to do!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:1-2

Father's Day

There are several types of people when it comes to Father's Day.

There are those who grew up with "the best dad in the world." You know, the guy who was always there, gave great advice, taught the children everything they knew, and became (or will become) the best grandpa in the world.

There are those who grew up with a nightmare of a father. One who struggled with addictions, didn't know how to love, hurt the child physically, emotionally or sexually, etc.

There are those who grew up without a father. Either they don't know who their father is or their father left before they were born. Or, their father died early in their childhood and they never had a chance to get to know him.

There are those who grew up with a dad who was neither great nor horrible. Just your average dad. Maybe he worked a lot, or just had a distant personality. Maybe he was a great person but didn't know how to really invest in his kids' lives. Or maybe he spoiled his kids and they grew up thinking their dad should always take care of them.

Regardless of which of these categories - or any other - you fall into, tomorrow is a day set aside to honor "dad". If you don't think you have a "dad" to honor, you're wrong. There is a Father who loves you more than you could ever imagine - enough to die for you! He is a Father to the fatherless. He is perfect love, compassion, grace, truth, strength and more - all rolled up into one immeasurable package. He is there for you no matter what time it is, no matter how far you've run, or how badly you've messed up. He's there cheering you as you journey through life, and there to comfort you when you are hurting. He is the picture-perfect Father. The best dad EVER.

The best part of it is - we don't have to set aside one day a year to honor Him. We can honor this Father every minute of every day. Think about what you can "gift" to this Father. Your praise. Your obedience. Your trust. Your whole heart, mind, and strength. Your entire being. Maybe tomorrow, the best gift you could give Him is complete surrender to Him. Find a way to say "Happy Father's Day" to your eternal Father - not just tomorrow - but every day.

Customer Service is not Dead!

Today I had two separate encounters that made me take a step back... and smile! BOTH involving customer service!! Shocking, I know!

I had three really heavy boxes to ship out to one of my sponsored families in South Dakota. I knew the rates were going to be high, so I went to a local postal connection shop I'd heard of that would send them the quickest, cheapest way possible - whether that was USPS, UPS, FedEx or DHL. I'd done my research online to see about what I should expect to pay. I didn't want to be too shocked by the price in the store!

As I arrived and began lugging the three boxes in, a middle-aged man asked if I needed any help and began drying off my boxes since it of course began raining just as I started carrying them in the door. Then he asked me for the piece of paper I had in my hand with the address. He made some small talk as he began weighing & measuring the boxes. He really seemed like a nice gentleman. What I noticed was, as other people came in the door, he seemed to know each of them by name, and was truly happy to see them. He obviously loved his job. He asked me what I was sending (to be sure I wasn't shipping something like guns or drugs I guess - like someone would admit to it if they were - but anyhow...). When I explained they were clothes & blankets & such and he noticed the name and address, he asked if it was a type of donation. I said yes, the items were going to a family I sponsored on the reservation. He didn't say anything else, just continued to label and prep the boxes for shipment. Then he transferred the information to his checkout computer to ring up the sale. He said something about "now we'll do our part" and then pushed a button. Suddenly a 10% discount on each package popped up. He'd already done his best to get me the lowest rate possible, and now he was taking it upon himself to help out even more by discounting it. When I tried to thank him he brushed it off. I walked out of the store determined that if I ever need any service they provide for the rest of the time I live here, they get my business!

So then I drove over to CVS (again) and had a frustrating time checking out. I tried to think about the positive experience I'd just had and focus on getting out of there in one piece. Daniel had asked me for a vanilla shake to help soothe his throat so I stopped at a locally-owned ice cream shop to grab one. It did not surprise me to see a teenage girl working the counter. Most teens who are going to work this summer have already started, though their skill, training and customer service are probably not quite to par yet. This young lady answers a question I had about the sizes of shakes available with a smile. Then she says "yes ma'am" when I finally decided and ordered. I'm pretty sure I stood there with my jaw hanging open. She came over with the shake and asked if I needed anything else. I ordered a pint of orange ice to keep on hand for the sickies in the family. She smiled and said "sure!" and went to get it. As she was getting the ice I asked her if she'd just started working there. She said yes - she was trying to earn some extra money this summer to help her family pay the bills. She kept talking as she got the ice. She was 16 and going to be a junior in high school in the fall. She was the oldest of 3 kids and dreamed of going to college, but needed a "money miracle" to get there. Tears welled up in my eyes and as she wasn't looking some extra bills went in the tip jar. She was so pleasant and cheerful - and very professional - especially for someone her age. As I paid and gathered up my purchase I asked her if I could get her first name. She gave it to me and I said, calling her by name, "I'll be praying for that miracle for you - and I'm sure I'll see you again this summer. Have a great evening - and thank you." I got in my car and immediately said a prayer for this girl and her family. I then came home and found the number for the manager of the store, and will be calling him tomorrow to tell him just how wonderful of an employee he hired for the summer.

As I drove home the thought occurred to me, "Maybe good customer service isn't really dead after all." Then of course came a thought from above, "What kind of customer service are you providing this world? You are here to serve Me and serve them. Are you doing a good job?" Wow... talk about hitting a soft spot. Truthfully, sometimes people just downright irritate me and I'd much rather stay in my own little corner and not come out and deal with any of them. I'd rather be the typical New Yorker and brush past people without seeming to notice they are there. I'd rather stay in my own comfortable world and avoid any contact with others.

That's not what He wants us to do. He wants us to be out there talking to people, or at least smiling at them. He wants us to encourage others. He wants us to share Him with them. We can't do that if we remain in our little bubble of solitude. We need to practice good customer service and help people realize they are each special and each a part of God's plan for this world.

Please just carry me...

Yesterday both boys had to stay home from school again because they were sick. Again. One had a 104.4 fever at one point and the other got as high as 103.7. Never a fun thing for a mom. Both came out to the couch and were laying there watching TV for a while. Emma, of course, couldn't figure out what was going on and kept trying to get their attention. Finally, she came over to me and "climbed" up me like a little monkey. She just wanted to be held. Fine with me. We sat rocking for a while until she got bored of that and went to play again. Both boys had fallen asleep on the couch and she decided to climb on them. Patrick didn't take too kindly to being wakened with a foot on his face. So I told the boys to move back into their room to sleep so Emma wouldn't keep climbing all over them. Patrick looked at me and said, "I don't think I can walk. Will you carry me?" I don't know when my teeny tiny boy turned into a tall, heavy, 6 year-old, but I still was able to comply. I then carried Daniel to bed and both boys slept the morning away. Emma wasn't far behind them to take her nap too.

Later, Emma called for me to come & get her. Normally I can pick her up out of her crib and put her down, and she'll just take off running. Not yesterday. I put her down and she held up her little arms and began opening & closing her little fists for me to pick her up. So I picked her up and carried her back to the rocker. We sat and cuddled for a while until the boys got up.

The three of them alternated between watching TV, reading a book and sleeping for the rest of the day. Each time the Motrin wore off and the fever came back, the boys wanted more of Mommy's TLC. Each time the boys slept, Emma demanded more cuddles and attention. I really didn't mind any of it. I enjoyed the extra snuggles with my way-too-quickly-growing children. I just really didn't like seeing my boys suffer with being sick.

Just before their normal bedtime, both boys were ready to sleep again - this time for the night. We got the Motrin in them and washed them off. As I said "OK - off to bed" Daniel looked up at me and said "Will you please just carry me?" Once again I found myself carrying a sick child down the hall to his bed. This time, though, I had the thought, "Who's going to carry ME? I am so tired and so worn and so weary and so... wait! Someone IS carrying me! God has been carrying me up this mountain for weeks now. Otherwise I'd still be in a heap at the bottom of the mountain looking up towards the peak saying 'I can't, I can't'."

As I felt the reassurance of His tender love and care washing over me again, I sensed another tug at my heart. Pictures of a little boy in South Dakota flooded my mind. I wondered if he was being held and carried anymore, and determined it was past time for a phone call to check in on my little buddy. I thought about a young preteen girl I've counseled, and the struggles she's going through. I wondered if she was still feeling held and carried through the storm. Images of some little children displaced by the recent months of tornadoes across the country rushed in. I prayed that they would feel sheltered in His arms, though their earthly shelter and all of their possessions were gone. I longed to be in 10 places at once, so I could give each kid I was thinking of a great big hug and reassure them that it was going to be ok. SO much hurt right now in so many young lives. So much pain... so much suffering... and I could only be here, helping the kiddos closest to me through their current hurt. I couldn't be everywhere, but I knew Someone who could. Thousands of aching hearts, but One Savior who can carry us all. One Savior who can wrap His arms around each and every one of us at the same time. One Savior who can fully consume each and every one of our hearts, minds and souls... if we'll just allow Him.

The heart-wrenching images flashing through my mind became replaced with images of Christ holding each child close to Him, easing the hurts with a peace and comfort that only He can provide. I went to bed reassured that all was right... because God is still on the throne and He still reigns. I will do my part and reach out and encourage those I can. I will even stretch myself to reach further than I thought I could. If I can't go I will help support those who can. But, no matter what, I will rest in the knowledge that even if I can't reach someone... He can.

Lord Jesus, please keep carrying us up these mountains and through these valleys. Let us rest in the comfort of the shelter of Your arms and trust that You are still greater than all that is in or of this world. Help us reach out to those who don't feel Your presence, and allow us to be a light for You, comforting them and encouraging them. Lord, please, just carry us all.

My constant prayer of thanksgiving to the God of infinite wisdom, wonder, amazement, grace, mercy and love

When will I ever learn?
When will I ever stop doubting?
When will I ever grasp how infinite
how incredible
how awesome
is Your love?

Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more

You weren't taking anything from me
You were preparing me for an unexpected blessing
You weren't keeping me from things I thought important in Your plan
You were creating a beautiful addition along the path

Lord, I couldn't have known
but I could have trusted
I couldn't have imagined
but I could have expected

Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more

There aren't words enough to express
my thankfulness for this
Unforeseen by me
but ordained long ago by You

Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more

Thank You, Father
Thank You
that
Your ways are bigger
Your ways are better
Your ways are beyond
anything
everything
all of this and more


---------------------------------------

This is obviously not my normal blog writing. As I sat trying to put words to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions at this moment, there were just the words above - over and over. So - I thought - why not just put those words to paper? Too bad I'm not musical... then it could be a song! LOL For now (and probably forever) - it's just my constant prayer of thanksgiving to the God of infinite wisdom, wonder, amazement, grace, mercy and love.

Are your hands reaching?

Sunday evening, while many were at church services, a tornado ripped through the town of Joplin, Missouri. It seemed it was just the latest in a string of deadly tornadoes across the country. However, this one had the grim distinction of being the deadliest single tornado since the weather service began keeping records in 1950. (a 1925 twister killed 695 and is considered the deadliest ever in US history) Monday morning, the entire country woke up to astonishing news footage and pictures of the destruction.

As Christians, Americans, and just your average human beings, many felt the immediate "what can I do to help?" rise up in their spirit.

Early Monday morning, Ryan and I began contacting friends and acquaintances in the ministry who are in the Joplin area. We simply asked "what can we do?" "what do you need?" "how can we best serve you?" and simply said "we are praying for you, your church, and your city." The response from our Joplin contacts was sobering.

From Fred "Six have lost their homes but not their lives. Just pray for all of us in Joplin."

From Tyler "We have had several families lose their homes and several we are unable to reach. We are trying to coordinate our support however we can but things are still a little crazy. Thank you for your prayers and support."

From Barry "THANK YOU!! Really appreciate your note! Prayer is obviously number one."

From Dan "We have a team out working to help people...thank u for prayers."

From Connie "We had two families and one elderly couple lose everything but their lives. Most of our congregation was affected. We are at a loss for words. It helps so much to know that you are all praying for us. It's the best thing you can do right now. Thank you."

What struck both Ryan and I the most was that prayer was the thing every single one of them remarked on. Every contact we made mentioned prayer. If nothing else, they wanted to know they were being covered in prayer.

The second thing we noticed was how often they kept thanking us - for simply reaching out. They were overwhelmed with what they were facing, yet they were grateful. They didn't know what to tell us to send, but they said thank you anyway. Day-by-day as the lists of specific needs were formulated, each contact ended with "thank you". Over and over. In the midst of turmoil, people were choosing to be thankful. What a testimony to the hearts of these ministers.

Then came the response from all of the people from outside of Joplin, MO. Our inboxes have seen more action in the past 5 days than they have in the past 5 years. We've had youth ministers telling us they had a group of 10, 12 or 20 ready to go to Joplin and asking us to help them with logistics. We had pastors from NH, WA, FL, CA, CO and NM telling us they had boxes of supplies ready to ship and asking where the best place to send them was. We had individual after individual telling us they had anything from baby blankets to groceries, gift cards to work gloves and asking who to send them to. We had people asking us if they could "adopt a family" that lost everything. We had more offers to help in 5 days than I have ever experienced in such a short time following a disaster. We also have to thank those who are more well-known speakers and artists than us - like Angela Thomas - who were instrumental in spreading the word to their followers.

Ryan and I began discussing peoples' reaction to this disaster compared to others - and compared to every other day, when we list needs in various ministries. People came out of the woodwork with arms stretched out, hands and hearts willing to help and serve. It was beautiful to see the body of Christ in action, working together from every state in this country to help those in need. How incredible would it be to see that every single day of every single year?! People coming together as one in Christ to build up those in need. What an amazing sight that would be! Imagine - if it's that beautiful to us to see it for 5 days - imagine how incredibly beautiful it would be not just to us, but to this nation as a whole - and to Jesus Himself - to see believers unite for such a time as this. As we work together to meet the needs of those affected by the storms, we are creating a beautiful worship song to our Lord. We are bringing Him glory and honor and praise. Isn't that what it's all supposed to be about anyway? Serving God - and serving others. So how can we capture this post-disaster unity and make it last? We have seen it after the OK City bombing, the attacks of September 11th, Hurricane Katrina, the rash of tornado outbreaks, the floods along the Mississippi and more. There are people struggling in this country every single day. Where is the unity then? Where are the outstretched hands and open hearts then? What can we do to create a body of believers working together each and every day to glorify God?

We came to this conclusion... it starts with one - and then two. Each person has a part to play. Each person has specific gifts, skills and abilities. Each has his own personality. Each has to have a willing heart. Each person has to decide to do something to help. It starts with two people who both are reaching out choosing to work together to have a greater impact. As those two work together, they bring in two more. And then two more. Before we realize it, we have a mass of people all reaching and working together. It comes down to this - each day one person has to be willing to reach out and do something THAT DAY to make a difference. Then, he needs to find someone else willing to do the same. Then they need to work together and start doing whatever it is to help. As they do, they need to encourage others to come on board. The next day, it needs to start all over again. It doesn't have to be a huge disaster-level response every day. It simply needs to be hands reaching out to serve - and serve together. Or, as was shown by the ministers of Joplin, two people willing to pray together in faith.

What are you doing today to reach out and serve?

For more information on how to help those affected by the tornadoes, please email SERVEministries@gmail.com. 

It's a Veggie Life

I had NO idea which one was saying which line, but the boys were in the bathroom washing up after dinner, and this is what I heard from my seat in the living room...

‎"I'm taller than you."

"No - I'm bigger."

"No - I am. See - I'm taller. Look in the mirror."

"Well - you're not as big as God."

"Am too."

"Are not - God's bigger than the boogie man - so He's the biggest anything there IS!"

I am now very thankful I'm in the other room as I try to muffle my laughter. (and how does every single thing keep coming back to this Veggie Tales line lately?!?!?!)

The discussion continues in the bathroom...

"Well He may be the biggest - but I'm the smartest."

"Oh yeah - God made you - so He's smarter."

"How about we're both smart - but not as smart as God."

"Good."

Where do these two come up with these discussions?!?!

Then, they brought the argument into the living room.

Patrick - "Well I just have to be as big as I am."

Daniel - "But I'm taller."

Patrick - "So?"

Daniel - "But you know everything. I'm still learning. You have to teach me all you know."

I can't stop laughing/crying at this point. Thankfully they are too wrapped up in their discussion to even notice.

I ended up distracting them with my old keyboard. All three kids were happily singing, dancing and playing the keyboard together. Problem solved.

But was it ever really a problem? Or just a really great discussion that can be used as a learning tool?

Just a few moments after this, the kids' grandfather called up from downstairs and asked if anyone wanted ice cream. Daniel and Patrick took off down the stairs, shutting the door behind them. Emma was having none of that. She wanted to go. She had no idea where they were going, or what for, but she was not happy about being left behind. So I grabbed her little bowl and took her downstairs too. She got a big scoop of chocolate ice cream from her Poppy and all 3 headed back upstairs to enjoy their treat.

Emma insisted on feeding herself the ice cream. Daniel tried to take her spoon saying, "Mommy, she's going to make a mess!" I said to let her have the spoon and leave her be. Patrick then asked me with wide eyes, "You're going to let her feed herself?!" like he couldn't believe I was that crazy. I asked the boys, "Do you know how you learned to feed yourself?" They both said no, shaking their heads. I said, "I gave you some food and a spoon and let you try to do it yourself, and I let you make a mess. That's how you learn to do something new - by trying it - even if you make a mess. We can always clean up the mess later." They got what I was saying and settled into their own treats. We had a LOT of laughs as we watched Emma trying to get the spoon full of chocolate ice cream into her mouth - and we all splashed around with her giving her a bath afterwards.



after the first few attempts to get it in her mouth



after the ice cream was finished



saying thank you to Poppy after we got all nice and clean again



Once Emma was tucked in bed and the boys had finished their bedtime routines and were ready to be tucked in themselves, Daniel asked me another million-dollar question. "Mommy," he said, "Does Jesus sometimes let us make a mess trying to do things ourselves so we'll learn how to do it right?" Wow... WOW! Talk about an amazing door-opener... and what a visual!

"YES!! Yes, Daniel, sometimes He does let us make a mess trying to do things ourselves, because sometimes that's the only way we learn that we can really do nothing without Him! He can help us do things correctly, but on our own, we're not very good at it. We make big messes. The Bible says "I can do nothing on my own" and "I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength."* That's why it's important that we keep talking to Him and listening to Him, so we don't make such big messes out of things. But isn't it great to know that He's there - ready and willing to help us clean up our messes and get it right the next time?!"

In my house, you never know just when an opportunity will arise to talk about Jesus with the kids. Lately it seems like it's every 30 seconds - but in all seriousness - I couldn't be more thankful for these crazy little nuggets of time. The boys are hungry to know as much as they can about Him, and I am more than willing to give them as much food as they want from His word! I love that even their "private discussions" and everyday banter include God these days. Learning moments. I know in another 10 years or so I will be even more thankful for these little pieces of opportunity to pour God's words into them while the door is still wide open.

* John 5:30; Philippians 4:13

What?! Haven't you ever seen someone eat ice cream before?!



Slobbery Kisses Here & From Above

My little Emma has become quite the affectionate little girl. From day one, she has been smiling and spreading those smiles to anyone in sight. Lately, though, she's added to this. Anytime someone picks her up, for any reason whatsoever, she starts a grand goodbye. She waves with one little hand, and with the other she is blowing slobbery kisses in between each "buhbye!" If you give her a squeeze she starts planting those big slobbery kisses right on your face. If you aren't looking at her, she will take her chubby little hands and turn your face to hers and then give you a big slobbery kiss. It's not just the goodbyes either. Yesterday, as the boys came home from school, she heard them starting up the stairs (kind of hard to miss all that noise - but that's another story). As soon as the door opened one little crack, she started the biggest celebration ever. She threw her arms up in the air (think touchdown!) and starts screeching "YAY" and "WHOOOO-WAY." This of course made both boys smile bigger than humanly possible and start their own round of "yay" and "hooray - it's Emma!" What a welcome home after a long day of school - and what fun for her to be able to greet the boys that way and be given just as much love and affection in return - times two!

Emma is constantly giving me visuals of biblical concepts. Her exuberant goodbyes and hellos remind me of stories like the prodigal son (when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him... bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: and bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry) and the reunion of Jacob and Esau after so many years (Esau was also running to meet Jacob, and gave him a big bear hug, and kissed him, and they both wept tears of joy at seeing one another after so many long years.) To Emma, it doesn't matter if you're returning after a day at school or just from a few minutes in another room, she is going to greet you as if you are a long-lost loved one finally coming home. As she covers us in sloppy kiss after sloppy kiss, I have to wonder just how much more excited Jesus is going to be when He welcomes us home after our time here on earth is over. I watch Emma trying to jump up and down on her pudgy little legs and clapping her hands in joy and I can just picture Jesus with a huge smile, open arms and rushing over to say "welcome home."

The thing is, we don't have to wait until we're dead, buried and risen again to be greeted like that by Jesus. In fact, we can experience that warm welcome every single time we say His name. When we wake up in the morning and start our day with a prayer to Him, He's there, super-excited and greeting us with a "Good Morning My beautiful child! Isn't this an incredible day I've created for you? It's so good to hear from you this morning! I can't wait to show you what I have in store for you today!" During the day as we pray to Him, He's there waiting eagerly to greet us each time, whether it's been 20 minutes or 20 hours. As we get ready for bed and end our day in prayer, He's so excited to hear from us again and so thankful that we are going to allow Him to be the last conversation we have that day, and that He gets to "tuck us in" for the night. He is so pleased to have us calling on Him, making Him a part of our everyday lives. He's waiting each time to celebrate with us and cover us with His kisses from Heaven. The may not be as wet and full of baby slobber as Emma's kisses, but those heavenly kisses can change our attitudes and outlooks, and turn the worst of days into days full of blessings.

Here's the thing... in order to get heavenly hugs and kisses from our Father, we have to turn to Him. Sometimes we're looking towards Him and are ready for His affection. Sometimes, just as Emma takes her hands and turns our faces towards her so she can kiss us, Jesus uses His hands to turn our eyes from earthly things and helps us focus our eyes on Him, so He can gift us with His hugs and kisses (blessings). If you're not feeling the Love, maybe you need to turn your face towards Him so He can kiss your face.

Chaotic Peace

I'm sitting here staring at the computer with hundreds of thoughts racing through my mind of things I want to share, and I don't even know where to begin. I'm at week 3 of the "sickies" (round 7 or 8), and for the first time ever had to back out of a youth ministry speaking engagement. We're facing what Don & I considered to be our worst possible nightmare 6 1/2 years ago when we began discussing starting a family. We're dealing with a revolving door of friends and family leaving to go to the war in Afghanistan & surrounding countries, and those on their way back, or who just recently returned only to find out they are heading back this winter. All 3 of our kids have been taking turns since mid-November with this same respiratory and eye infection. There've been countless funerals and announcements of those who are finding out they are sick from 9/11. We've had the announcement of Bin Laden's death followed by constant droning of military aircraft over our city, reminders of the 10 year anniversary coming up, and discussions of our plans for this year's firehouse breakfast/lunch and whether I will risk going to lower Manhattan to be with fellow responders for the anniversary, or whether we all play it safe (out of fear?) and stay home that day - or even get away from NYC altogether for that weekend. I've had to deal with this wrist injury for almost 3 months, Don's had his physical issues to continue dealing with, and other family members have had health issues come up. On top of all of these stressors are the normal everyday things we have to do - raising our kids, keeping the house livable at least, my schoolwork, his work & traveling, t-ball practice, the boys' homework, extended family responsibilities and demands, and expectations from friends to at least remain on speaking terms if not see each other once in a blue moon.

In the midst of all of the storms raging around us, there has been a bubble of absolute peace over our house. Never has it been so calm inside these four walls. Each day when I wake up, instead of seeing all of those storms, I am seeing God's hand. Each day as we focus on the tasks-at-hand and do what has to get done, I'm trusting that He's got it all under control. Each night as we go to bed, we're not laying down with burdens or troubled hearts. We're resting in complete peace.

Someone asked me the other day how I can stay so positive and strong through all of the chaos going on in our lives. I just laughed. It's not me. If it was up to me to be happy, positive, full of joy or strong through this - I'd be a heap of a crying mess curled up in a ball on the floor blocking out the sights & sounds. Thankfully, it's not up to me. All that's expected of me is to keep my eyes on the Father, trust Him, and walk in obedience to His directions. At times it seems that I'm on a tightrope 1000 miles in the air with winds howling all around me, but there is no fear, no uncertainty and no doubt. I'll admit - there's been some frustrations. But each time I start to feel those frustrations surface, He's always reminded me that it's all in His time, not mine, and to not lose heart.

Would I voluntarily choose to go through these storms? No. But I wouldn't trade this time in our lives for anything, because it's during these storms that we're seeing His work in our lives and seeing His hands moving. I heard someone say this week "In order to learn peace you have to experience chaos." It's true. Now we know what Jesus meant when He said He would give us the "peace that passes all understanding." I can't explain the peace to you. All I can say is that we are calm, we are at peace, and we are free to continue living without fear, no matter how bad the storms around us get. They can keep blowing all they want - because I know they can't get to us. They can't shake us and they can't destroy us. We're being held in bigger Hands.

Tying it all together

Tonight was one of those nights where I listened to someone speaking and couldn't write the notes fast enough to get everything down I wanted to remember. SO much information - and affirmation - and conviction - and humor. It was one of the most amazing messages I've heard in a while - mostly because it took a bunch of information I already knew, verses I'd been studying, comments I'd heard before and concepts I'd already grasped, and put them together into one concise, practical outline.

The message was from Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in California. The sermon was part 3 of his Raising Amazing Kids series. He was discussing 5 truths you must help kids understand & believe, and 5 questions you must help kids ask & answer. Great parenting advice - and GREAT info for ANYONE - whether you are a parent or not!

FYI - you can view the actual sermon this week on http://www.saddleback.com/internetcampus/live/. There are multiple times that the message is aired throughout the week. Trust me - you'll get more out of watching and hearing Rick give you this information that you will reading my summary! Check it out.

Beginning - Hebrews 2:10 and Malachi 2:15-16
I am responsible TO MY KIDS
But I'm NOT responsible FOR THEIR CHOICES

OK.... so the 1st truth Rick gave was - "I was planned for God's pleasure." He referred to Rev 4:11b and Is. 44:2 during his talk. Two big things that were reiterated in my life -
1 - There are NO accidental children
2 - You cannot possibly make God stop loving you
The question that went along with this truth was "What will be the CENTER of my life?" Love God 1st and foremost (Matt 22:37-38) - Am I going to live a self-centered life or a God-centered life? We have a single-minded purposed in life - to honor God (Jer 32:29). Whatever is at the center of your life is what you will worship. You need something you cannot lose at the center of your life. If the center of your life is your career - you will lose it. If the center of your life is your favorite sport/activity - you will lose it. You can't lose God. He cannot be taken from you (2 Cor 5:14). Build your lives on Him (Col 2:7). If worry is a part of your life - God is not at the center - something else has taken center-stage (Phil 4:6-7).

The 2nd truth... "I was formed for God's family" (Eph 1:5) The question - "Who will be my companions?" (1 Cor 15:33, Ps 1:1-3, Rom 12:5) It's the friends you chooose that will set you up to succeed or fail. Every child needs to be in a group. They will choose either a good group or a bad group - but they will look for a group in which to belong. Provide good options for them - churches, youth groups, ministry teams, etc. Every child wants to belong. We ALL want to belong. We don't want to be alone. We need fellowship. We were made to live together. We are family.

3rd truth - "I was created to become like Christ" (Eph 1:11, Rom 8:39) When we become Christlike we'll show the fruits of the Spirit in our lives. The question with this truth - "What will be my character? What will be the character of my life?" (Phil 2:5, 2 Peter 1:5) Kids (and adults) want to know what they will become... who they are going to grow up to be. NOTE - it is more important what you become than what you do! "You're not taking your career to heaven. You're taking your character."

4th truth - "I was shaped to serve God" (Eph 2:10) He shaped us - made us - molded us to what we are. TO NOT ACCEPT YOURSELF IS TO BLAME GOD - you're saying God made a mistake. You are who you are because God made you that way - and God doesn't make mistakes. God put you here to make a contribution. You have a specific purpose for being here. TO SERVE GOD and SERVE OTHERS. Serve God. Serve people. The question - "What will be my contribution?" (1 Pet 4:10) How will you give back? How will you use your gifts/talents? Each of us has - according to research - 500-800 talents & skills. We don't use nearly what we possess. We need to help our kids (and others) find out what their talents are. What are their gifts? Then we need to teach them how to use those gifts to serve God and serve others. We are to use our gifts to help each other and further His kingdom - not to focus on ourselves and be successful individuals.

5th truth - "I was made for a mission" (John 17:18) THIS got a LOT of discussion in chat because of how it was worded. Get this... God made you a special message to the world. He has a life message He wants to say to the world through you. If you don't share it - it won't be heard. DON'T WASTE YOUR HURTS. The heartaches, trials, hurts, etc are preparing you to help others. Live in a way to be a credit to Christ. Use those past hurts to help minister to others. Question - "What will be my message to the world? What is my mission?" (2 Cor 5:18, 20)

Rick shared this poem -

I'd Rather See a Sermon - by Edgar A. Guest

"I'd rather see a sermon, than hear one any day;
I'd rather one should walk with me, than merely tell the way.
The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear,
Fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear;
And the best of all preachers are the men who live their creeds,
For to see good put in action is what everybody needs.
I soon can learn to do it if you'll let me see it done;
I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast may run.
And the lecture you deliver may be very wise and true,
But I'd rather get my lessons by observing what you do;
For I might misunderstand you and the high advice you give,
But there's no misunderstanding how you act and how you live."

I am totally blogging more about this poem later on - but for now just let the words sink in.

The final thing Rick said tonight was - YOU HAVE HOMEWORK THIS WEEK. (Like I needed more added to my pile of schoolwork)

Here's the assignment - this week - ask yourself the 5 questions:
**What will be the center of my life? (What will I worship?)
**Who will be my companions? (Are there negative influences I need to eliminate?)
**What will be the character of my life? (What am I doing to be like Christ?)
**What will be my contribution? (How will I give back & use my gifts/talents?)
**What will be my message to the world? (What is my mission?)

Pretty powerful stuff.

Again - this is all from Rick Warren. This is not my message - not my info. I'm just summarizing what I heard and got from it. I STRONGLY encourage you to go watch the sermon yourself. It's very worth your time.

I'll expand on each of these 5 truths and how they applied to me in future blogs.

Memories for a lifetime - or treasures in heaven?

Let's take a tour of the inside of my home.

When you walk in, you are in the living room. Other than the mess of toys all over the floor and baby safety gates trying to keep them contained to one area, you'll see tons of books; tons of photos; a computer; a big TV complete with a Wii and DVD/VCR and a bazillion games for the Wii, DVDs and VHS tapes (sadly - yes); scrapbooks; 6 overflowing shelves of kids games, toys, puzzles & such; 5 overflowing shelves of kids books; a file cabinet filled with miscellaneous papers/bills/etc; and the mandatory sofa, chair and rug.

If you turn right when entering the living room and then make another right, you're in the kitchen. Don remodeled the kitchen right before I moved here, and I absolutely love it. Messy as it stays with two boys dropping crumbs constantly and a baby girl intentionally throwing food everywhere, my kitchen is probably my favorite room in the house. It's by far the most modern. Anyways, in the kitchen you'll find a nice, big table given to us by Don's cousin; 4 more shelves of kids art supplies, school supplies and magazines;  cabinets filled with food, bakeware, cookware, Tuppeware, cookbooks, and on and on; and a pantry closet overflowing with dry goods, coolers, cooking supplies, travel containers, odds & ends appliances and any size Ziploc, garbage bag or roll of foil you could ever want. You'll also see a fairly new refrigerator, dishwasher, stove and microwave. Along the countertops you'll find various appliances meant to make our lives so much easier (really - that quesadilla maker has been a lifesaver!). That somewhat new refrigerator I mentioned is stuffed to the gills with all kinds of food. So is the freezer above it. Speaking of which, I think it's time to check the dates again...

Let's move on. Back through the living room, if we came in the door and turned left instead of right, we'd be in the hallway. On both sides of the hallway the walls are filled with photos of the kids. First birthdays, the boys' 2nd, 3rd & 4th birthdays, family portraits, Emma's first Christmas, the boys' first Christmas; and, well, you get the picture.

Walking down the hall, first door on the left - let's make a quick pit stop in the bathroom. If you glance in, you'll see the basics - toilet, sink & tub, along with two space saver shelves. Oh - that sink - it's huge - has 3 drawers on each side and a cabinet & long drawer underneath. Inside are dozens and dozens of assorted toiletries, some unopened, some half-used and multiples of several things. You'll find the bottom drawer stocked high with towels of assorted colors. The tub - it has jacuzzi jets - something Don insisted on when he redid the bathroom. Oh - and yes - that means we have somewhat new tile on both the floor and the walls.

Just outside of the bathroom is a hall closet that is filled with extra sheets, blankets, towels, washcloths, beach towels, two window air conditioning units that will come out from June-October, a couple of pieces of luggage, extra shower curtains, first aid supplies and any extra toiletries that didn't fit in all of the in-bathroom storage areas.

Moving on down the hallway. First door on the right - Emma's room/guest room. Two chests of drawers. A crib. A bed. A closet. A bookshelf with two shelves of baby books and toys. The chests of drawers are full of clothes in assorted sizes, more blankets than we could ever use, keepsakes, and all of the essential baby stuff - creams, first aid kit, monitors, etc. Under the crib are containers with diapers and wipes. In the closet are boxes of things that we couldn't fit anywhere else. Some is Christmas stuff, some is camping stuff, some is keepsakes and some is clothing.

Across the hall is Don & my bedroom. Nice, big queen size bed, wardrobe, dresser, two nightstands, bookshelf and desk. Everything that is supposed to hold clothing is stuffed full. So is the bookshelf. So is the desk. The closet is full of clothes and shoes. There are photos all over the place - on the walls, on shelves, etc. There are more CDs, DVDs, cassette tapes (um - yes - I still have some), records (or LPs, albums - whatever you want to call them), and VHS tapes (what?!). There are dozens of little keepsake trinkets scattered about. The desk is full of papers that "I might need if..."

Last room at the end of the hall... the boys' bedroom. Biggest bedroom but still not huge - it barely fits the two beds, dresser, chest of drawers and nightstand. Oh - and they have not one, but two skinny media towers filled with DVDs. Their dressers, like the rest of ours, are filled to the brim. So is their closet - though - to their credit - most of the stuff hanging in the closet is everybody's coats, jackets and dressy clothes. (Our closets are TINY. Don't think we have all of these huge, walk-in closets filled with stuff. We aren't THAT bad.) Underneath Daniel's bed is a Thomas the Tank Engine playtable that is supposed to roll out easily - and it did - until the boys broke two of the wheels. Underneath Patrick's bed are all of the boys' shoes, flip flops, sandals, boots, slippers, etc. I'm not kidding when I say I think they each have as many pair of shoes as I do. On top of their dressers and nightstand are assorted toys and books. On the ends of each of their beds is a huge pile of stuffed animals. On the wall are posters and framed photos.

That's it. Oh - wait - one more thing. The attic. It's holding approximately 24 tote containers of camping equipment, keepsakes, Christmas/ fall/ Easter/ Halloween decorations and other assorted stuff that we can live without right now. And I was just reminded - we also have partial use of the basement. Down there, the boys' toys have taken over and are holding the rest of the basement hostage. They also have another TV, a media center filled with VHS tapes, a DVD/VHS player, a Thomas storage container with play top, a bazillion trains and 100 miles of tracks at least, toy storage containers filled with other little toys and balls, a table & chairs, a new Lego table, and a bunch of outside toys. Don and I have a dinette cabinet down there and a Total Gym. The rest of the basement inhabitants belong to his parents - though we do use the washer & dryer that are down there too.

OUTSIDE we have a yard filled with toys - a see-saw, a slide, t-ball equipment, a playhouse, two kiddie picnic tables, a mini ride-on coaster given to us by a neighbor whose son outgrew it, a huge picnic table with 4 benches, and a storage building filled with our 4 bikes, some extra tables & chairs for the family backyard parties, BBQ stuff, a wagon for the kids to ride in, a bike trailer the kids ride in, the boys' scooters, gardening stuff, tools and car fix-it stuff (don't ask me what it's really called).

So - that's sums up pretty much all of our possessions - except our two vehicles that are both somewhat new and are both in great condition (other than the crumbs and sticky stuff inside).

Why am I telling you all of this?

Well - first let me tell you about someone else. To protect his identity I am going to change his name. We'll call him "Evan." "Evan" is 7 years old. He lives in South Dakota. He lives with his mother, his baby sister, his aunt, his other aunt and her 4 children, his other aunt and her 2 children, and his other aunt and her 2 children. That's 10 kids between the ages of 1 and 17, and 5 adult women between the ages of 19 and 43. They share a 2 bedroom home with 1 bath. When you walk in their front door you'll see a few piles of blankets in various places; a small TV and VCR that sometimes work; a kitchen with a refrigerator older than anyone living in the home; a stove that works on occasion; a table that doesn't look like it could hold the weight of 2 or 3 plates; much less 15; two chairs that have been broken and fixed with duct tape; and little stacks of clothing here and there. If you go to the bathroom you'll find an old chipped bathtub with stains from hard water; a toilet with the same hard water stains; a sink with the same stains; and a few toiletries here and there. In one of the bedrooms are more piles of blankets and more little stacks of clothes. That's it. Same in the other bedroom. There are no dressers. No beds. Only one mattress - for the matriarch of the family. No pictures on the walls. No photo albums on shelves. Not too many toys laying around - and certainly no new ones. The kids share what clothing there is - whether it fits them well or not. Same with the few toiletries and towels. Oh - and the walls of the home - they aren't insulated and don't keep out the heat OR the cold. They barely keep out the bugs.

I wish I was describing some far-off land that we'd never have to see first-hand, but I'm talking about a place HERE IN AMERICA. They are just one of thousands of households like this within our own country. As I was speaking to "Evan" to see how school was going and check in on how he was adjusting to being back in this home after having lived with his grandmother for four years until her death, I was astounded at how joyful he was, despite his circumstances. He never knows if he'll have food to eat that day. He doesn't know if he'll have shoes to wear or a coat to keep him warm when winter comes. Yet he chooses to smile and be happy, loving life and loving the people he has contact with. He never stops saying thank you for the littlest things. He is such a blessing.

God has been placing a burden on my heart for some time now. We have SO much in our lives and surround ourselves with SO many unnecessary things. We do this while others around us are struggling just to meet their basic needs and stay alive. "Evan" is just one of many kids living life day-to-day. I was given a challenge to "inventory" my belongings. I didn't list all of the things in the first several paragraphs to brag or share just how much we have. In fact, I am outright ashamed and embarrassed to be surrounded by so much "STUFF." I've been on a mission for the past year to rid myself of as much "stuff" as I can - and get the things that can help into the hands of some of those people who have nothing. The more I get rid of, the more I find I can live without, and the more I start sorting through again. Each time I send out more stuff I am reminded of something my Outward Bound instructor said during our Yosemite trip. He said "all I need in life I can carry on my back." For a week, I lived that life. Everything I needed to survive for a week I carried. It is humbling to say the least, and a learning experience I think every American should be required to have.

Recently, a thought was brought to mind in regards to all of this. Jesus instructs us to store up our treasures in heaven - to make eternal things our priority. The disciples got up, leaving everything they had, to follow Him. Could I just up and walk away from everything in my house and not look back? Furthermore, am I surrounding myself with momentos of the past and hanging on tightly to memories, instead of focusing on what's to come? I'm not saying I am going to get rid of every photo and keepsake - but really, when it comes down to it, what's really going to matter in the long-run? Are the memories of our past what's supposed to be a priority? Or should we be focusing on meeting the needs of those around us who can't meet their own needs, empowering them to stand on their own feet again, and walking towards eternity without concern to wordly things? Shouldn't we be more focused on leading others on the path to eternity than finding comfort in memories of past adventures?

This has been such a tough reality-check for me. I am SO guilty of trying to hold onto every single moment of my kids' past - and my own. Trying so hard to make those memories last a lifetime. I don't want to be so caught up in trying to preserve the past that I lose sight of the eternal treasures.

What about you? What are the things that you are holding tight to? What "stuff" is surrounding you? What could you eliminate and what could you share with those who are struggling just to survive? How could you make life a little easier for those in need, while de-cluttering your own? Where are your treasures?

Learning to Fall - Spiritual Gymnastics

This morning, in the craziest of times and places (at least in my opinion - probably not His), God put a thought in my head, "I taught you how to fall first, so that you could learn to stand confidently now."

Wow. OK, God - that's cool and all - but what is that supposed to mean?

Seven years ago (!) when I first moved to NYC, I was a gymnastics coach for a competitive club team. Gymnastics had been a part of my life in some way, shape or form for over 20 years. I had spent countless hours over the years teaching little girls how to twist, flip, roll, jump, dive, bound and dance. But no matter whether it was the littlest preschooler, a first-year team girl, a 10-year veteran, or an Olympic gold medalist, each gymnast first had to learn the most critical skill in the whole sport - falling.

A conversation immediately came to mind this morning when I asked what that thought from God was supposed to mean. There was a Level 6 girl named Nicole who was trying to get over a mental block and complete a back walkover on the beam. It was the only skill that was keeping her from progressing. She was up on the high beam and wanted to just do the skill. She got so frustrated with me when I made her get off the beam and go to a line of tape on the floor. First, she practiced her perfect back walkover there. Then we went to the low beam. On the low beam, she could do the skill in her sleep. She did it over and over and over. So then we moved to the high beam with the huge crash mat underneath. Even if she fell doing the skill, she wouldn't get hurt. She went to try the skill and bailed. That is a BIG NO-NO in the gymnastics world. MOST injuries - including the most serious ones - are caused when a gymnast bails on a skill. So - remediation time. I took Nicole ALL the way back to the first days of a gymnast's career - learning to fall. She had to do crash drills over and over and over. I'm pretty sure she hated me at the time. We had her practice falling first on the floor, then on the low beam, then on the high beam with the crash pad. Over and over and over. She looked at me, frustrated as can be, and said "I DON'T GET IT! I'm a gymnast. I'm not supposed to fall. That's the whole point. Stay on the beam. If I'm supposed to be staying on the beam, why am I practicing falling?" I went over the whole spiel about how safety comes first, and one of the most important things a gymnast ever learns is how to fall. By falling correctly,

The lightbulb clicked. That's it, God, isn't it? Once I fell over and over and learned how to respond, and that You were still there and still in control, then You let me stand up to practice the next level of skills. I've fallen so many times in the past, but I kept learning something each time. Grace. Compassion. Humility. Forgiveness. Trust. Obedience. Time and time again lessons were instilled in me - not through my successes - but through my falls. I'd been working through so many issues in the past couple of years and was thinking when I woke up this morning "OK, God, what's next on the list? What are we going to do now?" The only answer (and at the time it certainly didn't seem like an actual answer) was a quote "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams."

Confidently?

Well, I know now what happens when I fall - from various heights, in various circumstances, through various means, and with various results. The fear of falling is gone. If I fall, I learn something. My faith and trust deepen as He catches me each time before I hit rock bottom. If I succeed, I move to the next step, where I'll probably fall a time or two before I get it right. But it's okay to fall there too. No matter how high the skill level is, He is still greater. He is still more than capable of catching me and teaching me a thing or two in the process. He's the perfect coach.

So now that the fear of falling is gone, I can stand up firmly and get going on the next task confidently. He had to teach me how to fall, so I could learn to stand.

My final thought on this matter today was this... "Lord, I know I'm standing now, but please know that I am still falling at Your feet in reverence, awe and worship, and acknowledging that the only way I can ever stand is by You holding me up. Help me to never forget that, Lord. Hold me in that standing position so that I can bring glory to You, because You are what it's all about. It's Your work, Your task, Your skill. Let the glory always be Yours too."  

Any woman can be a mother. It takes more than flesh and blood to be a mom.

It's that time of year again. Posts are popping up all over Facebook: "if you are proud of your mother," "if your mother was the best," "post a picture of you and your mother"... and on and on.

My heart aches for those who hurt on Mother's Day. Those who never knew their mother - whether because she died while they were very young or because she left as soon as they were born. Those whose mothers were anything but the ideal mom. Those who had mothers who abused them, tortured them, ridiculed them, or left them to die in unspeakable places. Those who had mothers who didn't know how to love unconditionally. Those who finally realized the dream of being a mother, only to never get the chance to hold their baby in their arms because of a miscarriage. Those who made the decision to abort a child and can feel the burden of that baby around their hearts as they silently make note of each "would have been" milestone. Those who were unable to care for a child they conceived and lovingly gave them away to be adopted - only to feel empty arms each year as everyone around them celebrates "mom's special day." Those who have longed for years to have a child but have been unable to conceive.

My heart also soars with thanksgiving for another group... those who became "Mom" to one of those kids who didn't have a mother to call their own - or who had a mother who didn't know how to be a mom. Those women - aunts, grandmothers, sisters, cousins, friends' mothers, camp counselors, Girl Scout leaders, church leaders, teachers, neighbors and more - who CHOSE to be a mothering figure in a child's life, by loving unconditionally, guiding with discipline, encouraging through tough times, celebrating through joyous times, and simply walking beside the child each and every day - just as if he or she was their own flesh and blood. Those who helped that child break the cycles of abuse, neglect, abandonment and despair, and instead become great moms (or dads) themselves. Those who reach out to new mothers and build them up, teaching them how to be wonderful moms and mentors to other children in need of a mom. These women are the heroes of Mother's Day and deserve so much appreciation and respect.

If you are blessed to be a mother, say thank you to God for that gift, and then take the time to also thank those who helped you become a "mom" instead of just a mother. Take time to reach out to other new mothers out there and encourage them on their path to being a great "mom". Whether you are a mother yourself or not, you can still be a "mom" to a child in your life who desperately needs that role model and friend. Trust me, those kids will forever view you as "mom" - whether you gave birth to them or not.

I would just like to publicly thank the other "moms" in MY life - you know who you are. God knows who you are too, and what you've done, and He will surely bless you abundantly for giving so much of yourselves over the years. Thank you for being there, for never giving up on me, for caring enough to discipline me when needed, for loving me no matter what, and for helping me transition from mother to "mom". It's my prayer that one day my children will come to you and say thank you too. You deserve it. More than anyone else could ever know.

Any woman can be a mother. It takes more than flesh and blood to be a mom.

Remembering Faith

Someone reminded me this week of a girl I knew many years ago. Her name was Hilary. She was a tiny bit of a girl - with a heart ten times the size of her body - at least. She had a contagious smile and a sense of humor even in the most difficult of times. For such a little girl she was so strong - both mentally and physically. Her enthusiasm for her friends' successes, her sport, her family member's activities, and just for life itself was such an inspiration. She always knew just how to put everything into perspective. She saw the world through different lenses than most people. She didn't let rejection or failure deter her from pursuing her dreams. She spent most of her years dedicating her life to her first sport - gymnastics. When it was announced that she would not be going to the Olympics as everyone thought, I vividly remember her shrugging her shoulders and smiling saying "it's okay." She simply accepted it and then set her eyes on a new goal in a new sport. She'd try for the Olympics again - this time in diving. Tragically, she never had the opportunity. Hilary died in a car accident less than a month before her 20th birthday. Despite the fact that it's been over 14 years, Hilary's name still brings smiles and fond memories to everyone who knew her. She was one of those people you could just never forget.

Earlier this week someone mentioned another name to me. It didn't ring a bell. After some more information it finally clicked that I had indeed known this person. I just didn't remember them very well. The person was nice. They never gave me any reason not to like them. They just didn't stand out in my memory.

As I was looking through an old scrapbook with pictures of Hilary, smiling and even laughing as I remembered the moments that seemed to be gone in a flash, I thought about the other person who'd been brought back to my attention this week. I started comparing what it was that made Hilary stand out, and what it was that kept me from really remembering the other person. I began to wonder about myself. Fifteen years after I'm gone, will I stand out in people's minds as someone worth remembering with smiles and laughter? Or will people say "that name doesn't ring a bell." Will they remember me with less than fond memories? What will they remember me for? What am I doing today that will outlast me?

I know some of you are thinking this is sounding really morbid, but I'm not trying to be gloomy. What is it that makes me remember Hilary so clearly? She gave. She gave her heart. Her love. Her eyes - her perspective on life. Her attention. Her laughter. Her kindness. Her determination. Her encouragement and support. Her strength. Her optimistic attitude. Where did all of those things come from? How could she give so abundantly of so many things? Easy. Her faith. Hilary knew God and lived her life for Him. No one on this earth could take away the one thing that mattered most to her. Sadly, I can't tell you whether the other person knew God or not. I don't know. I don't remember them ever mentioning Him in conversation. I certainly don't remember them doing anything that would make me immediately think "oh, they must really love Jesus."

When I'm gone, will someone say, "You know, I don't really know if she was a Christian or not?"

Will people remember me for my faith? Will my faith outlast me? Will people remember me as someone who really loved Jesus?

My prayer today was simple. "God, don't let people remember me for the things I do, for the things I say, or for the things I accomplish; but let people remember me for being someone who lived every moment of her life for You and with You. Let me be remembered as someone who was fully consumed by You."

This 9/11 Family Isn't Celebrating

September 11, 2001

8:45 AM - I am in my bedroom getting ready to go to classes at Radford. I'm listening to the radio and a Rich Mullins song came on.

8:47 AM - A male newcaster's voice interrupted the Rich Mullins song with "An airplane has hit the World Trade Center"

8:48 AM - I turn on CNN and yell out to Dad to turn on the news

8:50 AM - Dad and I start discussing that this has to be intentional - I mean, WHO could miss seeing the big tower there? I continue to get ready for class while keeping CNN on.

9:00 AM - I'm ready to head out for school but I stop to watch a few more minutes of the news.

9:03 AM - I watch as the 2nd plane hits the towers.

9:04 AM - I drop to my knees and pray. I journaled my prayer right afterwards because it was so much more than my normal everyday prayers.

From my journal dated 9/11/01, 9:11 AM (coincidence? I think not):

"God, I'm in shock over the images I'm seeing and words I'm hearing on TV. But God, I know You aren't shocked. Father, forgive the person responsible for this horrible act. I know that when You died on the cross, You died for them too. Obviously they don't know you and haven't accepted that gift. Make this event turn into something that will glorify You. May the person who did this see YOU as a result. Be with each and every person in that building as they endure this horrific ordeal. Be with each of their family members as they wait for word on their loved ones. Be with the first responders, Lord - the firefighters, EMTs, police officers and others who are rushing to the scene. Take control of this situation, Father. Give peace to everyone in NYC and those watching around the globe. Thank You Father, for Your promise that You can bring good out of every situaion. I can't see the good right now, God, but I know You will show it to me in time. Give me the strength and compassion to deal with this, and protect me if I'm sent to serve those affected. In Your name, Amen."

I end my prayer, head out the door and drive to school. On the way there I hear that a third plane has hit the Pentagon. "Oh dear God, we are under attack. This is a war. God, help us." Get to school - place is a ghost town. Classes cancelled. I drive back to Salem, but instead of going home, drove straight to my church.

All of the church staff are gathered around a small TV in the church office. I sit on the floor right in front of the TV, back against one of the desks, and keep watching. I asked our preacher "Are we still going to Romania?" He says "I don't know." We were to leave on the 21st. I said "I probably won't be here, even if you do go. I think I'm out." I knew at this point I was going to respond. I just kept waiting on the pager to go off.

10:00 AM - Image #1 that will forever be etched in my mind. I watch at 9:59 as the south tower starts to fall. I watch firefighters, police officers, politicians, EMTs, innocent civilians... all run for their lives. People with nothing but FEAR on their faces running as fast as they can... for their lives... here in America.

10:10 AM - reports of a plane crashing in Shanksville, PA as a piece of the Pentagon crumbles to the ground

10:28 AM - North tower collapses

10:30 AM - Image #2 that will FOREVER be etched in my mind: I see footage of firefighters crying, grabbing each other in big embraces. I say out loud "That's not supposed to happen." I pray again, "Oh Father, some of my friends just died. I know they did. PLEASE help me deal with the grief that is coming. PLEASE help me know what to do. PLEASE give me the words and wisdom to do my job. Please help me not to let anger take over. PLEASE God, fill me with Your peace that passes all understanding." This is the first and only time tears fell from my eyes that day.

11:09 AM - my pager goes off - my DRT is on standby - for DC

Sometime around noon I finally reach my DRT leader via phone. I tell him "I can't go to DC. I HAVE to go to NYC. My friends are buried in all of that. I HAVE to go to NYC." He says "I will see what I can do. But our team is ordered to DC."

I go home. I unpack the school bags and pack my DRT bag instead. I saw the looks of fear and dread on my parents faces. They knew I was going to go. They didn't like it, but they knew they couldn't stop me. They didn't even try to talk about it. They knew better. They knew it was like breathing to me to respond to situations just like this.

2:30 PM - My DRT leader calls me back. Our team is 3rd wave to DC. He is working on getting me in on 3rd wave with a team to NYC. He'll keep me posted.

By now I've talked to a handful of friends all over the country. All ended the calls with, "Be careful up there." Everyone knew I was going. All were scared. But none said "Don't go."

8:30 PM - I finally get news I've waited for - and it wasn't good. Chief Downey was among the missing and was presumed dead because of his location at the time of the collapses. I pray again that the anger and grief will be covered with the peace that only God can provide.

September 21, 2001 - instead of heading to Romania, I head to NYC

Fast-forward...

After spending months counseling firefighters, widows & kids of 9/11, then years running programs for the surviving kids, I marry a NYC fireman who was in the north tower as the south tower collapsed. A year later we have twin boys. Don dubs them his "new twin towers." It took us months to talk about what we both dealt with at the WTC site. We've gone to funerals and memorial services. We've spent every 9/11 morning until last year at the firehouse. Today we talk about the fact that he's sick because of 9/11. September 11th is an everyday part of our lives - whether we like it or not.

Way fast-forward...

May 2, 2011 - Don wakes me up at 6:40 AM. He says calmly, softly, quietly and with very little emotion "Osama Bin Laden is dead." My immediate response was "yeah, right." Don told me the details from the news. Then he says "people are out in the streets all over the place celebrating - from the White House to Trade Centers to the Mets game last night to the Capitol Lawn." I said "WHY are people celebrating a murder? Don't they know that this is just going to cause those terrorists to get angry and retaliate? Don't they know that by murdering him we have just opened ourselves up to even worse attacks and unmentionable torture of Americans all over the world?!  He kills a bunch of innocent people and we go and murder him - so guess what? - they come and kill more innocent people. Why are we celebrating?! The only death we should ever celebrate is Christ's - because His was a victory over ALL death."

There was no celebrating in this 9/11 household this morning. Bin Laden is directly responsible for the fact that my husband is slowly dying from 9/11 toxicity - but we weren't rejoicing that he'd been murdered! Instead - we expressed gratitude that justice had been served and went about our day. I started my quiet time with quiet thanks to God for justice being served for those who perished that day - and who are still dying today. I prayed for protection of our troops - especially those overseas in Afghanistan, Iraq and other countries filled with terrorist cells - and specifically for my nephew Ben who is a Marine serving in one of those areas right now. I prayed that those gloating about the death of a man will realize that's not what God would have us do. The images of people celebrating in the streets as if America had just won the world Super Bowl made me feel sick. Don't get me wrong - I am just as patriotic and thankful for our military as a person could possibly be. But I refuse to take joy in the murder of any man - even him. I can't tell you how many people hated me when I said "You know, Christ died for Osama Bin Laden too."  I fully believe with all of my heart that if Bin Laden had turned to God and asked for forgiveness that he'd have been forgiven. As far as any of us know, he blatantly chose to deny God. That's his choice - just as much as it is yours and mine. We make the choice to follow Him or deny Him. We face the consequences when Christ judges us. Bin Laden was a sinner. So are you and I. We all deserve to die. Christ died on that cross so that we wouldn't have to. It's a gift we have to choose to accept or deny. We should be grieved that Bin Laden denied that gift - not dancing in the streets that he died without accepting it. I refuse to think this is "the end" of this war on terror. I refuse to think "this avenges 9/11." I know I am in the minority and will lose friends over my stance on this - but I don't care. I have to stand up for what I believe is right - and cheering over the death of a lost man is not.

Ezekiel 33:11
Obadiah (the entire book)
Proverbs 24:17
Romans 12:9
Romans 13:1-7

Don't celebrate or gloat over the death. Give God praise that justice was served and pray for His will to continue to unfold. Pray for the safety of our troops who are still over there in harm's way. Pray that the cycle of violence will cease. Pray for the families of 9/11 who are still hurting and dealing with the effects of that day. Take all of your rejoicing and celebrating and turn it into something more beneficial to His kingdom.